Yours, Mine And Ours Page #5

Year:
2005
1,874 Views


- Don't they?

- Ready!

- Fire! Ready! Fire!

- Frank.

- Fix bayonets!

- Frank!

- What if he brings his hammer?

- There is no hammer.

But maybe

we're kind of crossing the line.

And i don't feel right

about endangering the little kids.

Trust me, they're biologically protected

by the cuteness factor.

This is gonna be good.

You like it?

- Stop!

- Isn't it pretty?

That was very naughty.

What's happening?

Boys, i don't think that was a good idea,

do you?

- No.

- No.

But that was very important

to your father...

so you need to say you're sorry.

- Sorry.

- Sorry.

Okay, now go on and play.

Whoa, whoa! That's it? "go play"?

Well, they're four years old, frank.

What else is there? The hammer?

- There are other...

- a spanking?

No, honey, of course not.

We don't spank our children.

The admiral does.

Occasionally, a little pat on the butt

sends a clear message.

- Well, you're not spanking my children.

- I thought they were our children.

You're not spanking our children.

Okay, fine.

Let's just let them all run naked

and wild.

- Yay!

- Yay!

Do you think it's working?

- Does that answer your question?

- Yes!

The committee was very impressed,

frank. Nice job.

I take my work very seriously, sir.

And don't think

that the brass hasn't noticed.

- The brass, sir?

- I'm the brass, and i've noticed.

I just don't like

giving direct compliments.

Something about it feels unmanly.

- Well, thank you.

- Oh, what the hell.

Goldarn, i'm proud of you, frank.

You deserve everything

you're about to get.

- Helen?

- Yeah.

We got saks.

What?

- We got saks.

- Oh, max!

I got saks! I got saks.

Thank you! I can't believe it, max!

Yeah, but don't get too excited.

They wanna see a dozen new designs

by friday.

By friday?

Oh, i'm excited and scared,

all at the same time.

No, you can do it.

At least now you got frank to lean on.

Yeah, yeah. I guess.

Well, i better get going. I got a lot to do.

Do you like these better?

- Okay. Well, then i think you're set.

- Thank you.

Love you.

- Sorry about the chalkboard, admiral.

- It's all right, sailor.

Hey.

Why don't you

just kiss her and make up?

Mrs. Munion isn't so bad.

You're not getting any younger.

- Can we please have some privacy?

- All right. I'm off.

- I'm sorry about what happened.

- Me, too.

So, how'd your meeting go?

Did he mention anything

about the promotion?

No, not really. It's...

that's just a pipe dream, anyway.

- Is it?

- You're not getting rid of me that easily.

- How was your day?

- Oh, my day.

Well, let's see.

I ate and i worked a little bit...

and i made a giant deal

with saks fifth avenue.

- You did not!

- I did, too.

That's great news. Oh, that's fantastic.

- I'm so proud of you.

- I couldn't wait to tell you.

Great. Well, how could i help you?

- What can i do around here to help you?

- I'm set.

- You need help organizing the studio?

- No, no. The studio is organized.

Of course it is, yeah.

Well, i'll think of something.

Guys, guys! Listen up!

Your mom is going to be very busy

over the next couple of days...

so i want everyone

on their best behavior.

- That's an order.

- We're always on our best behavior, sir.

- Ethan!

- Get away...

- from mrs. Munion.

- Aldo! Excuse us! Boys!

I guess we'll be doing

a little extra cleaning, too.

- Ethan, this way.

- Come back.

Right. As you were.

This way!

Cleaning, huh?

Grab the other guys.

I know just where to start.

Bright colors. Permanent press.

Whites.

Excuse me.

- It's still wet.

- Socks.

Michael, is there something you forgot?

Shut up.

That's mine.

Oh, my gosh. That was so sick.

- Did you do it?

- Yeah.

Kids!

I just don't understand.

Where are my velvet, blue buttons?

You know what?

Why would anybody do this?

- But it's clean.

- No, honey, i can't work with clean.

I have a deadline. Oh, my god,

i'll never be able to find anything.

My ultrasuede used to be here,

right beneath the blue fur.

Do you remember that?

- Where's my fake alligator skin?

- We thought we'd surprise you.

Yeah, we thought that you'd like it.

The admiral always does say,

"a clean ship is a happy ship."

Hey. Wow!

This place is shipshape.

Well, you just had to, frank, didn't you?

- Excuse me?

- You know, frank...

i understand your pathological need

to organize the rest of the house...

but this is my space.

I need just a little bit of respect.

You're killing me, frank.

Did i miss something?

Yes.

Don't you think

you're overreacting just a little?

Me? You know what?

Never mind, frank.

You know,

you were gonna spank the boys...

over wrecking

your silly organizational chart...

but i'm not allowed to be upset

about my studio.

I was not going to spank them.

And charts are not silly.

Do you know what happens

to a ship in chaos? It sinks.

Homes are for free expression,

not for good impressions.

Well, i'm sorry, but in the military,

there's little room for free expression.

Except for that we're not in the military,

frank. You are.

I just thought that you would work better

in a clean studio.

I knew it! I knew you put them up to it.

I most certainly did not!

No, maybe not directly,

but in that whole orderly, military...

regimented brainwashing thing.

- You left out anal-retentive.

- Oh, and that, too.

Is that what you think?

Yes, that's what i think.

Then i think

that i'm sleeping somewhere else.

I'm gonna fix that.

Officer asleep.

Go, kelly!

Go, kelly!

Be, be aggressive! Be aggressive!

Be, be aggressive! Be aggressive!

Be, be aggressive!

Be aggressive!

Now put your hands up in the air

and wave them like you just don't care

and if you think that kelly is the best

let me hear you say, "oh, yeah!"

Oh, yeah!

- Oh, yeah?

- Oh, yeah!

Go, kelly. Go, kelly

the other team is

smelly

- they're quaking like they're

- jelly!

- We got sisters from

- new delhi!

- Go, kelly!

- Go, kelly!

The other team is smelly!

They're quaking like they're jelly!

We got sisters from new delhi!

Go, kelly!

Okay, phase two.

I think that we just need one more

big thing to push them over the edge.

Have them catch

you and phoebe together?

You're really sick.

Okay, then have them catch

you and phoebe together.

How about they catch me

with my hands around your neck?

Listen, the commandant's coming

this weekend.

They have to go to the trustees' dinner,

and mrs. Munion has the weekend off.

Two words, "par" and "ty."

- Party.

- Yeah, i got that.

No, it's a perfect idea, because mom

won't care and frank's gonna hate it.

You guys ready? Let's get to work.

Oh, no, i can't!

I still have to make, like, a million

of these posters for the election!

Yeah, for what, the class of '59?

You couldn't get elected hall monitor

with this. Here.

Imagine this

in a three-color spray paint.

Nice. And i know

some great campaign workers.

William beardsley for president, okay?

Vote for william beardsley!

Vote william beardsley!

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Ron Burch

Ron Burch is an American writer whose work spans television, film, plays, short fiction and novels. His movies include Head over Heels , Yours, Mine and Ours and Ferdinand. He is the executive producer/showrunner (along with David Kidd) of the DreamWorks Animation TV show Dinotrux. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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