Zack and Miri Make a Porno Page #2

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Well, I can't wear anything that I've already on

and expect to bring home Bobby Long.

Bobby f***ing Long? No way!

Didn't that guy call you Stinky Linky?

Yeah that was then, okay? Maybe now

he can save me a fortune in Amazon bills.

Maybe you can f*** our landlord, so we can

at least keep roof over our heads.

You don't have the rent?

Zack, it's your month.

Hey, I bought skates with last week's pay check

and I need those, to skate with.

And this week's I'll barely cover

the past two water bills so..

Is this sexy?

Yeah, in like to a catch a predator

kind of way it is pretty f***ing sexy.

Then we're done.

Zack.

You want me to come in?

- What happened to the water?

They shut it off.

- Oh sh*t, just..

Help me get this sh*t out off my hair.

Just use the water out of the toilet.

There's poo in there.

Not that part!

The back part of the toilet thing.

Take that cup there and then put in, there you go.

Here I'll just lean back if you could just

You know, pour it down like that.

Don't look, don't look.

Alright, one hour tops and then we're gone.

Or I had an idea, we could

just not go at all, which would rock.

Look, even though we're broke and we've never

gone to anything, we're still better than these

people, right?

No, not at all. We're probably not even as good

as most of them, unless one of them is crackhead

or something.

Just tell me I'm prettier

than when we graduated.

You look about the same.

Definitely not prettier.

But around the same.

I'm thinner though right, little?

Not really.

Well, good pep talk. F***!

-Tadaa!

- Tadaa.

-You don't recognize us, do you?

- No, sorry.

Zack Brown and Miri Linky.

-Are you the one they called Stinky Linky?

- Oh no, no-one ever called me that.

Oh great, what does yours say?

-What the f***?! Come on,

I'm sure I had a nickname.

-Nothing?

- Alright, well you guys have a great time.

And before you go, don't

forget your copy of the Roving Roe-Ver.

-What the f*** is this sh*t?

- That is not sh*t.

That would be our bimonthly newsletter.

You know, it updates you on what

everyone's doing in their lives.

-Finally!

- I love your enthusiasm.

Here you go, write your e-mail

address down on that

and I'll be sure to add you to our

We had 800 people in our graduating class?

Yes, and only 250 RSVP.

-Doesn't that suck, Mary?

- Miri.

-Are you married, Beths?

- I am. Two kids.

-Wow, that's beautiful.

- Awesome.

Wanna f*** me later?

-Oh no, I'm married.

- OK, cool.

Well, if you change your mind

I'll be there getting sh*t face.

Just so you know, I eat the p*ssy.

Tempting.. Again, no.

-Show we?

- Sir.

Bye Beths.

Think about it.

I love your p*ssy.

Can I get two beers, please?

-You want a beer?

- Yeah.

Three beers.

Thank you.

Is that Zack?

Or am I Zack?

-Never gets old, huh?

-The other Zack.

- In my world nobody calls me the other Zack.

Now that this guy is not around anymore, huh?

-Get the f*** off of me.

- There can be only one.

-What?

- Do not you remember?

Remember? I yelled at you when we passed

each other at the hall way.

Like it was yesterday, man.

Awesome, awesome.

-Awesome. God! You guys have so much

to catch up on.

-I'm gonna let you get to it.

- B*tch.

See that big blow up

picture they have of me?

My hair is terrible. I can't

believe I wore my hair like that.

It's before I knew about styling products.

Makes a big difference in life.

You live and learn though, right?

I mean, ten years ago. It's before

we knew anything about fashion.

Back in the day. Or hairstyle.

Hey, stranger.

-Whoah, Stinky Linky?

- Yeah.

Although, it's just Miri now.

- Give me a hug.

-Hi.

- Hi.

Wow.

-How have you been?

- Great, great.

-Yeah?

- You look fantastic.

Wow, that is not something that you

would've said to me ten years ago.

Well, I've grown up.

Yes. Yes you have. You just look..

Listen to you.. Thank you.

No don't thank me, just f*** me.

Roxanne.

Someone I like, what are the odds, huh?

Zack Brown, we had four

years Spanish together.

Why does no-one recognize me?

Am I thinner, is that it?

Look at him.

-Who?

- My stupid husband.

No f***ing sh*t! John Butterfield, you

actually married John Butterfield!

-That's amazing!

- Don't ever get married, it sucks.

You stop appreciating each other and you

runs us up to talk about it first year.

But look at him now.

Flirting up with that

cheerleader named Monica Vahn.

You want me to maybe flirt with

you so he can see? Even it up a bit?

I don't wanna get even.

If I was gonna do anything I wanna wine up

the a**hole.

You can give me a hand job

in the girls' locker room.

-Fine, but make it fast.

- F*** yeah!

Are you staying in town for a while?

Just tonight. I fly back to L.A. tomorrow.

Wow, Los Angeles! Gosh, Bobby Long.

Coming up in the world.

With Mrs. Long, I bet.

No, No, no,

No Mrs. Long for me.

-Can I be honest with you?

- Sure.

I think I need a drink.

Do you need a drink?

Cause I need a drink to say this.

-I've got a beer already so..

- Oh great, thank you.

I think there's a cigarette butt in there.

Yup.

Sorry about the elbow.

I can be only one.

A beer, please.

Thank you very much.

Oh Jesus Christ, my friend is making a total ass

of herself ending her old high school crush.

Oh God, that's so sad.

It's so Miri, that's what it is.

I'm Zack by the way.

Brandon.

Oh don't worry we weren't

at the same class or anything.

Okay, lucky you.

-Oh, you went Rover?

- Well, I went here. Let's just

leave it at that, I guess.

-Do you have one of the large flown pictures of

yourself hanging around here ?

- I do.

Kind of, right there.

-Gorgeous.

- Good times.

What do you do? What brings you here?

Oh, I came with somebody who went school here.

Bobby Long.

No sh*t! That's who my friend is

hitting on right now! See, right there.

-Really?

- There the one dressed up like Hannah Montana.

In L.A. we call that look deglodion chek.

-L.A.? Los Angeles?

- California.

That's awesome man.

What do you do out there?

I'm an actor.

-Wow, that's really impressive.

- Thank you, thank you.

-And f***ing movies?

- F***ing movies, pretty much.

Look at you.

What, anything I've seen?

-What movies?

- Oh, all sorts of movies with all male cast.

All male cast.

Like Glenn Gary and Ross?

Like "Glenn and Gary suck Ross' midi cock

and drop their hairy nuts in his eager mouth".

-Like a seakwell?

- Sort off.

It is a re-imagining.

- Ah, like the whiz.

More erotic and with less women.

No women, to be exact.

I apologize in advance

if I'm out of line here,

But are you in gay porn?

-Guilty as charged.

- Are you f***ing with me?

I thought you recognized

me at first, that's why..

-Oh, okay I get it.

- You're not my demographic

so I'm not insulted.

-Not really. Who is your demographic?

- Do you love p*ssy?

-I do.

- Then not you.

I came here tonight hoping to seduce you

and bring back to my apartment and sleep

with you

to get back at you for calling me Stinky

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