Ziegfeld Follies Page #2

Operator,

believe me when I tell you...

...you don't have to get me

the Complaint Department.

I can spare that extra nickel.

I just want Plaza 5-5597.

- Plaza 5-5597?

- Yes, that's right.

- One moment, please.

- Thank you.

Oh, hello. Louis?

When you hear the tone

the time will be...

... exactly 33 and a third seconds

past 10.

- Operator.

- Number, please.

Operator, all I want is Plaza 5-5597.

Now,

that's Louis Sebastian's cigar store.

It's right around the corner.

I could walk there.

I don't want the world

with a fence around it.

All I want is Plaza 5-5597.

Plaza 5-5597?

One moment, please.

Thank you.

Hello, Louis?

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

Happy Birthday, dear

Mr. Bushy Mendel Horgenforth III

No knife can cut our love in two

Good evening, friends

- Pardon me, sir.

- Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

- Hi, operator?

- Number, please.

Say, operator, I'd like to talk

to Colonel Culpepper...

...at the Magnolia Manor Plantation

in Chattanooga, Tennessee.

Chattanooga, Tennessee.

Hello, Colonel Culpepper?

Oh, hi, Cul.

Say, Cul, Willie Mae says...

...why don't y'all drop over

for the weekend...

...and bring Mrs. Culpepper

and all the kids with y'all.

- After all, y'all only live once.

- Why, sure.

Well, so long, y'all.

It's been a real pleasure, sir.

Look, operator...

I'd kind of like Plaza 5-5597,

please.

Why, sure enough, honey child.

Hello, Louis?

- Look, operator...

- Number, please.

I would like Plaza 5-5597.

Will you spell it, please?

Plaza. P for Plaza.

L for Louis. A for annoying.

Z for Xavier Cugat.

A for Anaheim, Azusa,

Cucamonga 5-5597.

Westminister 2-2222?

- Operator.

- Number, please. Number, please.

Operator. Ope...

Operator. Ope...

- Hello, operator.

- Number, please.

I want to speak

to Sir Geoffrey Kirsten...

...of the Frennessey Brandy Company,

Cape Town, South Africa.

No, I don't know the number.

Oh, she don't know the number.

- Hello, Porky.

- Hello, Por...

Hello. Hello, are you there?

Is that you, Gwendolyn, my darling?

Hello, Porky.

You stink, you big baboon.

And that goes for you too, buster.

- Hello, operator.

- Number, please. Number, please.

Operator,

I would like to speak to Oogu...

...in Dumdum Proper,

South Transylvania.

No, I don't know the number...

...and I don't know

Mr. Oogu's first name.

All I know is Oogu.

Just plain Oogu.

One moment, please.

Hello, Oogu speaking.

Look, Oogu,

you won't remember me...

...but we met

at a preview of Dorian Gray.

- Sure, sure.

- Yeah.

Look, Oogu, I wonder

if you would do me a favor.

Sure, any friend

of a friend is a friend.

Oh, I'm glad you feel that way.

Look, Oogu...

...would you get me Plaza 5-55...

- Sorry, your three minutes are up.

That'll be 94 dollars and 45 cents.

Keep moving.

Watch your step there.

Step lively. Right this way, please.

Step lively. Keep moving.

- Hey, excuse me.

- Hey.

I beg your pardon.

Now, this property that we're gonna

look at is worth $ 190,000.

He's asking 125.

We'll offer him...

...fifty-five...

We'll offer him 60

and settle for 75.

Nothing doing.

Why don't you leave the bu?

- Well, really.

- I'm sorry. All right.

Why don't you leave

the business things to me? I... I...

Excuse me, little girl... Madam.

Now, listen, I'll get it for 50,000.

I'll save you 25.

Never mind.

If it's worth 150,000, I'll give him 75.

No, $50,000. Now stop worrying

about it, will you? I'm your lawyer.

You're my lawyer.

It'll be like the last deal.

You were gonna save me 25,000

and I lost the whole deal.

I could have made 200,000.

You're my lawyer.

- Hey, what's the matter?

- You're under arrest.

- It ain't lit.

- I said you were under arrest.

- What for?

- For expectorating in a subway.

Now I gotta take you to court

and they'll fine you $2.

I didn't know what I was doing.

Can't we settle this out of court?

- I'll give you the 2 dollars.

- Okay.

I've got it right here.

I haven't got it on me.

He'll give you the 2 dollars.

- Give him the 2 dollars.

- I will not.

Have you got any witnesses?

How do you know he expectorated

on the floor?

- I saw him with my own eyes.

- Stop arguing. What's 2 dollars?

Give him the 2 dollars.

If we ain't uptown by 8:00...

...we'll lose the whole deal.

- You won't lose a thing.

- I dare you to arrest my client.

- Oh, a smart guy, eh?

Yes, I never lost a case in my life.

Well, we'll see about that.

Come on with me.

- Pay him the 2 dollars.

- I'll break you for this, officer.

Pay him the 2 dollars.

The court finds the defendant guilty

of expectorating in the subway...

...and hereby fines the defendant

two dollars, or 30 days in jail.

- All right. Pay him the 2 dollars.

- Nothing doing.

We'll appeal.

- Oh, pay the 2 dollars.

- No.

You're a businessman

and you can't afford...

...to have a black mark against you.

- We'll take it to a higher court.

- Take him away.

Oh, please. Pay the 2 dollars.

Don't worry. I'll have you

out of here in 20 minutes.

How long have you been in here?

I'll bet you've got

the same lawyer I've got.

Hello, Victor, how are you?

Where have you been?

I've been waiting here 12 days

for you to get back in 20 minutes.

Oh, now, Victor,

don't be so impatient.

I haven't much time.

I am in a bit of a hurry.

But I couldn't help but drop by,

and give you the good news.

Yes, the court has granted

our motion for an appeal.

Look, "Whereas my client,

Victor Moore...

...here and after known

as the defendant...

...is being sued

for committing a public nuisance"...

Never mind that stuff.

Just pay them the 2 dollars.

I will not.

I never lost a case in my life.

Say, what are you trying to do?

Spoil my record?

No. All I'm trying to do

is get out of jail.

Won't you please pay them

the 2 dollars?

Nothing doing.

You're going to appeal.

And by the way,

I want you to know...

...that I kept the accounts

absolutely straight.

- What do you mean, "accounts"?

- It takes money to file an appeal.

- Well, pay the 2 dollars.

- No, no. It's too late.

I've already filed my briefs.

Now here are the accounts.

Never mind.

How much did you spend?

Well, three stenographers

for 10 days at 5 dollars a day.

A hundred and fifty dollars.

That's for preparing the briefs.

Now, $ 10 a day for taking

them to lunch.

What do you mean

by taking stenographers...

...out to lunch on my money?

- Don't tell me how to live my life.

Now then, $ 100 a day

for three assistants.

- Five thousand to Walter Wilson.

- For what?

- For an opinion.

- What did Wilson say?

He said, "Pay them the 2 dollars."

Five thousand dollars to Barker,

Barker, Barker and Barker.

- What did Barker, Barker, Barker and?

- And Barker?

- Barker. What did they say?

- "Pay them the $2."

Five thousand

to Jerry Geisler for an opinion.

- What did he say?

- He said, "Pay them the $2."

Seems to be quite

a difference of opinion.

Oh, wait. I'm not through yet.

Now, there's $250

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