Zombieworld Page #2

God squaders. Huh!

Me, you and a bunch of

Christians.

Hey, I'd love to see the look

on their faces now, eh,

what with all the zombies.

I know they are always going on

about the apocalypse,

but that's when God let all the

good ones into the heaven

and sent the bad ones

down to hell.

Maybe the whole world is bad.

If you take the Ten Commandments

as like the literal Word

of God then, yeah...

...the whole world is bad.

Maybe the bible bashers

were right, I mean,

you have broken a few.

So have I.

It was on a Sunday,

so that's one down.

I probably said, "Jesus Christ",

while I was doing it.

I don't remember worshipping

a false god,

but I can't say

I definitely didn't.

What classes as a false god

these days, anyway?

I mean I worship "the p*ssy".

You know what I mean, but...

Oh, yes. Yes, "the p*ssy".

But yes, it is not like it is

a false god or anything,

it is just like...

well, "the p*ssy".

So, its not a false god,

it is just like

an alternative one.

That will be the undead again.

Hey, they'll not get in,

don't you worry.

Oh sh*t, I have left

the door open. One sec.

Idiot!

Hey, this reminds me

of that time,

remember that party,

when I put dog sh*t

on the door handle?

Ooh, that was funny.

Not for the people

with shitty hands.

Or dysentery.

But man, I laughed.

I remember, everyone thinking

I was really rude,

for not shaking their hands,

but I knew best.

Ho ho, man, did I know.

Anyway, that's when I told

Dave about your...

...your thing. what was it?

That secret?

I remember it being

really important to you,

but I don't know why.

Maybe that's why I told him.

I know you never liked Dave.

But I was wasted,

and I was on a high

from the dog sh*t gag, so...

I guess...

...the band is not going to

take off now.

As soon as the zombies came,

I knew...

I knew it wouldn't...

Well, as long as

you were there, I thought...

I thought I'd have an audience

at least.

I know you thought

I was talentless, little kid,

but you listened.

You even didn't mind

when I played

on your first date with Katie.

She is dead.

I used to fancy her.

I spied on you two

having sex once.

Oh... she had awesome tits.

I wish, I had filmed that now.

It would have given me

something to watch

during the apocalypse.

I never had anyone.

Tried to find a girl,

but I always scared them off

because I was too keen.

All I wanted was...

was someone to like me,

to notice me.

Who will laugh at my

stupid jokes now?

I guess I've been

a bit of a sh*t friend.

Maybe I should've

apologized early

when you could understand.

Where is my rounder's bat?

It better not be your room

again, you...

Oh, it's there.

I can't do this alone.

I want my friend back.

I need someone to tell me

to grow up

and stop being a dick.

Someone to show me

how all this works.

Yeah...

I know I annoyed you

sometimes, mate

and sometimes you annoyed me.

You were always going on

about how good your job is

and how much better in life

you do than me, but...

...I didn't mind...

I didn't mind, mate because...

What's this?

What's this? A note?

"Chris"... For me?

"Dear Chris,

this is my suicide note.

I'd rather become

one of the undead

than spend the rest

of my life with you

and your stupid guitar.

I hate you.

And hope the zombie me eats you.

Steve."

It looks like

you're not only the one

who does best in life

after all, you dick!

This just in.

Ladies and gentlemen,

we are receiving a live feed

from a Quickstop

on Broadway and Carter.

That location is only

three blocks

from the station.

I repeat,

this is a live feed

from a Quickstop

only three blocks

from this reporter's location.

Unicorn.

Whiskey. Kilo.

Ma'am?

Ma'am?

Ma'am, roll down the window.

Please help my husband, please.

- What?

- Please! I need an ambulance!

- What happened?

- Oh, my God!

Holy sh*t, okay.

Tell me what happened?

- Calm down.

- They just started biting him.

They who? Who bit him?

How many people?

- Please.

- Oh, my God.

Holy sh*t!

Bravo 232, I need immediate

medical attention

at my location.

I got a mid-thirties,

severe lacerations,

and a large amount of

blood loss.

Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!

- No! No!

- Ma'am, okay. Okay.

Everything is going to be okay.

- Calm down!

- No!

Ma'am, relax.

Relax. Breath. Breath.

The medicals on route,

you got to calm down.

- Please.

- Just calm down.

- Please.

- Ma'am, calm down.

Everything is going to be

okay. All right? What the f***!

- Stop!

- No!

- Stop! Stop!

- Oh, my God!

Oh sh*t. F***.

Ma'am?

We've got shots fired.

Shots fired, 232.

I need medical now.

Ma'am stay with me.

Stay with me. Stay...

All units respond to... 185,

Sinclair station, code three.

Ma'am? Calm down,

stay with me. Stay with me.

Stay with me. Stay with me.

Stay with me.

Medical, I need you now.

Stay with me, ma'am.

Stay with me.

I need medical attention now,

step it up!

Ma'am, stay with me.

Everything is going to be okay.

Medical, I need you now.

Shots fired... shots...

Oh my God!

Shots fired, shots fired.

Medical!

I need medical now!

Officer down. Officer down!

Officer down. Officer...

Bravo 2-3-2, respond.

Bravo 2-3-2, do you copy?

Marvin Gloatt, KPRS News.

Reporting to you on day seven

of the zombie apocalypse.

Ladies and gentlemen,

we continue to receive reports

from around the globe

of the undead indiscriminately

attacking and devouring

the living.

Mothers eating their children.

Husbands gorging on their wives.

Even domesticated animals

have gotten in on the act.

We are receiving reports of

undead cows

going on rampages attacking

and devouring the living.

Oh, the irony!

Scientists report finding

cow patties containing

undigested human remains.

Teeth, digits...

even wedding bands.

The world has indeed

gone topsy-turvy.

We take you now to Australia...

...where that continent

has been overrun...

...by flesh eating scum.

Ladies and gentlemen,

before we go on...

...may I take a moment to honor

the brave KPRS men and women,

who have given their lives

in the service of reporting

this great global tragedy.

Steve, the weatherman.

How is it looking, Steve?

Cindy, the sports gal.

Just ask Cindy

what the score is.

Riva, the mail lady.

She always delivered.

Foreign correspondent,

Ramudajab Punjawalesifu.

And the intern.

You know, that guy.

And now, a public safety

announcement from our

KPRS affiliate in Washington DC.

So, you have killed

a few zombies.

But you ran out of Ammo.

And now there is a

new breed of zombies.

And they are so fast.

Don't panic.

Here we have some guy

who is not a zombie.

- And that guy...

- that's a zombie.

You see, zombies are like cars.

The more they fill up,

the more they go.

Take this beady-eyed

little creep.

Look at him go.

But like many speeding cars,

this can also end up...

...with a crash.

Have to survive

at the zombie apocalypse.

Sequel.

A new breed of zombies is born.

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