Zookeeper Page #3

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purple couch.

Okay.

All right.

I know you had your dinner,

but this is just a little reward for

what I like to call a winning attitude.

You care to comment on that?

Yeah, I didn't think so. Okay.

Have a good one.

You wanna talk? Let's talk.

You remember nothing.

You remember nothing.

I totally think this is working.

Relax. Calm down, calm down.

Breathe. Breathe.

Take it easy. Take it easy.

He's freaking out.

Look at him, look at him.

What do you think I'm looking at?

You can talk.

Yeah, we can talk.

I can sing pretty good.

I can teach you

how to give yourself a bath.

How did you get out

of your enclosures?

You don't wanna know.

Actually, I do.

Okay, but I don't wanna tell you.

How long have you been

able to talk?

Let's see. Today's Tuesday,

so always.

Always.

Then why haven't you?

Humans can't handle it.

Any time we talk to

humans, it always ends badly.

Except for parrots.

Somehow they get away with it.

"l be parrot.

Happy birthday."

Why did you talk to me?

You saved my mate.

We tried to help you connect with yours.

But you blew it.

I appreciate it,

but you know what?

I had a really bad experience

and I don't like to talk about it.

"Don't like to talk about it."

That's crazy.

We've been hearing about that

breakup on the beach every day

for the last five years.

Okay, I might have mentioned it before

I knew you could understand me.

Come on, man, we heard her talking.

She wants you.

So what if you don't have my great

complexion or my thick, wavy hair?

I would tell you this.

You have nice calves.

Great calves.

Of course I don't have calves.

I basically have columns

with toenails.

So you think I should

maybe ask her out?

Okay. All right, now,

slow it down, hot shot.

You ask Stephanie out,

it's gonna end the same way.

You haven't changed,

you don't trust your instincts.

You listen to us and we turn

you into an alpha male.

I don't know.

I don't think

he's got the size.

Size has nothing to do with it.

We both know who the alpha is.

You're giving me attitude.

That's why I do stuff to your water bowl.

That was you?

You said it was vitamin drops.

Surprise.

Oh, that's it.

Bring it, come on.

it's been brought.

Oh, boy, here we go again.

It's like watching a fight

between two beanbag chairs.

I am tired. I'm back in.

Me too.

You're a good man, Griffin.

You just need a little help.

Yeah. Who better than us

to help you?

- Come on, you honeypot.

- Bring it, big boy.

What have I got to lose?

That's not instilling confidence.

Sorry.

Two more licks.

Is it on, is it on, is it on? Yeah.

Hey.

Thought we'd mix things up

a little today.

Got some organic jambalaya.

You know...

If you ever, uh...

You want anything, I...

You could always ask me.

Hey, how's the, uh...?

How's that ball working out for you?

Lot of fun with the...

Any disco

parties?

All right.

Just leave it by the door.

Come on.

Move. Come on, stupid bears.

Do something.

What is he doing?

Hey. Don't do that.

No, no, no. Hey.

Whoa!

Can we get that?

Okay.

Now, no sudden movements.

I want you to get to your feet.

Slowly walk to the door.

Come on.

They're not gonna hurt you.

Good.

Okay, we're fine, here.

Here we go.

He backed you down.

I didn't see you do anything.

Hey, thanks, guys.

I appreciate you showing

some restraint.

Any other day,

that would've been lunch.

But you showed confidence,

what you're not doing with the girl.

See, when I take down a female, I...

Whoa. Take down a female, you?

Don't know me my whole life.

I did three years in Vancouver.

You got a chick in Canada?

Yeah, I was dating a Kodiak model.

Kodiak model?

She's technically a model.

She was on a tobacco can,

born with an extra claw.

She knew how to use it.

Canadian bears are wild.

Very wild.

She's wild in your dreams.

You don't know squat, Jerome.

Were you there, huh?

I didn't think so.

And what's with the "Jerome"?

Anyway,

you need to unlock

your inner bear.

The only way that's gonna happen

is to do as we say.

And that's how you get your girl.

We get it.

Let's start with your walk.

My... Come on, my walk is fine.

Fine? It's a not, stinking pile.

This time he's got a point.

Come on.

Show us your stuff.

Yup.

My... This is stupid.

My walk?

Wipe that goofy look off your face.

You're a predator.

Act like it.

Get those paws up.

That's what we do.

What was that?

No, no, no.

This guy's untrainable.

We're wasting our time.

Give me one more shot.

Come on, get your paw up.

Yeah, up.

Come on, reach.

This is ridiculous.

We know what we're doing.

Trust it.

Get your paws up.

There you go.

That's what we're talking about.

Let's see movement.

Swing your paws like

you're swatting salmon.

- Good.

- I don't know, man.

Give us a snort.

Good old bear snort.

Not with your nose, with your mouth.

Get your lips into it.

- There you go.

- Yeah.

Now lead with your pudding cup.

My pudding cup?

Yeah, your pudding cup, man.

Get it out front. Remove the mystery.

That's good like that.

Who... ?

How would this ever help me?

- Show them the goods.

- This just feels weird.

That's it, looks good.

Come on. Add a roar.

- Rawr.

- The roar.

Put some oomph into it.

Roar.

- Fine.

- Bend those knees.

Get low.

Yeah.

Shake that money-maker.

Swing those arms.

Here's a predator.

Dig a hole.

- Dig a big old bear hole.

- Dig it.

- Get dirty.

- Stop digging.

No, keep digging.

Keep digging.

- What, are you too good to dig?

- That's it.

Through the wickets.

That's good.

Kick up those woodchips.

Look at him, a natural.

Scratch your back.

Scratch it on the tree.

Yeah, he's a bear.

Yeah, he's a bear, baby.

You're the bear.

You're a big bear.

Stop it.

Hi, kids.

Carry them all?

We'll look at the giraffe now.

I appreciate the grub.

No problem.

I popped it myself, so enjoy.

I would have left it in longer.

I like mine burnt a bit.

But I wasn't sure

how you weighed in on that.

This is fine.

Hey, Shane.

I was supposed to tell you

there's a meeting tomorrow at 10.

Okay, cool. Thanks.

Who are you talking to?

No, you know what it is?

Um...

I'm in a one-act play,

and I was rehearsing.

I know both parts because

I'm understudying the other guy.

And something.

Hm.

What's the play about?

Steam ships.

I wouldn't do it around him.

That's when they get you, you see?

When you're not focused.

I didn't do it, you know.

I'm sorry?

I didn't attack him.

Oh, yeah,

he says you did though.

He's a liar, okay?

He never treats us

with any respect.

To get us to move,

he prods us with a long stick

with a nail in the end of it.

One day, I guess I wasn't walking

fast as he wanted me to,

so he swung the stick at me, but I

caught it, and he slipped and fell.

He told everyone I attacked him.

Wow, I never knew any of that.

And my only mistake was assuming

he would tell the truth.

I guess that's what humans do.

They lie.

Not all humans, Bernie.

Look, now,

maybe you got a raw deal,

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