Zotz! Page #4

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Do you know where I might find

Professor Jones this morning?

I have a little

translation problem

I'd like to discuss

with him.

Jones? Jones?

No, I haven't seen him since the

cocktail party yesterday evening.

Behaved very

peculiarly, didn't he?

Perhaps I can help.

Well, I'm afraid it's in the field of

ancient languages, Professor Kellgore.

Call me Horatio.

Well, I must run.

Thanks, anyway.

Please continue, Professor.

That's all there is to tell.

Yes.

Now, if I understand

you correctly,

you say that you're actually

able to destroy living creatures

by pointing your

finger at them

and speaking this

word, "Zotz. "

Yes, but only if

the coin is on my person.

Don't you see that all

this is mere delusion?

Delusion? Why, I've

seen it with my own eyes.

A line of people on the sidewalk,

mown down as if by a machine gun.

Hallucination.

It was not hallucination.

And there was the moth

and the cat and the ships

and the squirrel

and the dinosaur.

The dinosaur, Professor?

I mean, the lizard. Just

a little lizard, you know.

Yes. Yes, of course. It was

a baby dinosaur, wasn't it?

Yeah, it was...

No, no, no.

Professor Jones, you're an intelligent

man and I won't try to humor you.

But surely you can understand

that these delusions of yours

are merely a result

of your repressed hostility,

your aggressive feelings

toward society.

I have no aggressive feelings

toward society, Dr. Kroner.

I must confess, at this moment, however,

I have aggressive

feelings toward you.

Well, that's

a perfectly normal reaction.

As a matter of fact,

you're a classic case.

I will not be referred

to as a "classic case!"

Sir, this power of

yours does not exist.

It does exist!

Then show me.

What?

Show me. Convince me.

Demonstrate this

horrible force,

this power you have

over life and death.

Very well. But what shall

I demonstrate it on?

Me.

Oh, I couldn't do that.

Why not? Well, it would cause you pain.

Well, now why should

that concern you?

You've already said that you have

aggressive feelings toward me.

Here's your chance

to unleash them.

Oh, I can't.

Of course you can't. Because

this power is not real.

It is.

It's imaginary.

It's not.

Not what?

Not real. I mean imaginary.

There, you see? You can't distinguish

between reality and imagination.

I'm sorry, Doctor,

but there's no other way.

You put on

a good act, Professor.

Remember, you brought

this on yourself.

Go ahead. Take out

your hostility on me.

It will do you

a world of good.

I was doubled over,

like this.

It was very painful.

Perhaps he hypnotized you.

Well, I know a bit more about

hypnosis than you do, Dean,

and I can assure you

I was not hypnotized.

Then, how do you

explain it?

Very simple.

Appendicitis.

I shall enter the hospital

the first thing in the morning.

No, no.

Of course not, my boy.

It's simply that I think

you need a rest.

Sir, I'm in perfect health.

Go away for a few days.

A week.

Please, sir, if you'd only listen to me.

Go someplace to relax.

Take a trip.

A trip?

Yes.

A trip.

Well, I think you'd better try

Lieutenant Stefanski, sir.

He may be able

to help you.

You don't understand.

I don't want him to help me.

I want to help him.

Yes, sir. But you'd better

see the lieutenant anyway.

You'll find him

in 3C-4L-3-S-19.

Three C...

It's very simple, sir.

You see, this building has

five sides, A, B, C, D and E.

Now 3C means the third

floor of side C. That way.

That way.

The next number tells you

what corridor to take.

Four.

That's right over there.

Over there.

The second three

means the third court,

then, S-19 is the 19th

stanchion on your left.

You can't miss it, sir.

Thank you. What was

that floor again?

Third floor, sir.

Third floor.

You see, Lieutenant Stefanski,

they sent me in to see you, but...

Professor Jones, I'm afraid

the army isn't interested.

There are many such suggestions

that come across my desk every day,

and we are not interested.

Now you listen to me...

Oh, now be reasonable, Henry.

I handled the last one.

That screwball with the steam-operated

machine gun. It's your turn now.

What do you mean,

you've got a stomach ache?

What about Lieutenant Stefanski?

Captain Byron? Major Foulger?

They've all got

stomach aches?

I tell you, it's that lousy

food they serve in the cafeteria.

All right. All right,

send him over.

Yes?

General Bullivar.

Yes.

There's a Professor Jones

who wishes to see you.

I know. I know.

Tell him to wheel it in.

Wheel what in, sir?

A death ray, or whatever it is

he thinks he's invented.

He doesn't have anything with

him, sir. Not even a briefcase.

Oh, one of those

quiet ones, huh?

Well, I guess there's no use

delaying it. Send him in.

Yes, sir.

Professor Jones, sir.

Hello there, how are you?

So you're the fellow that's come all the

way from California just to talk to us.

Yes, sir. I'm delighted

to meet you, Professor.

Thank you, General. Sit down. Sit

down. Make yourself comfortable.

Well,

thank you very much.

Well, did you have

a pleasant trip?

Most pleasant, thanks.

And how are you enjoying

your visit to the capital?

Well, I only arrived

this morning...

Now, take my advice, don't

miss the Lincoln Memorial.

It's a very moving experience. It brings

tears to my eyes every time I see it.

Well, I'm sure it's most

impressive. Have a cigar.

What? No, thank you. Do you

mind if I get right to the point?

Oh, yes, of course. The colonel

mentioned something about a new weapon.

Well, it's not

exactly a weapon.

Oh? Well, what is it?

A gun, a bomb?

Would you be interested

in a method to immobilize,

even destroy, as you choose, every

living thing within range of vision?

Ships, tanks, planes.

How do you intend

to go about this?

Light rays? Sound

vibrations? Black magic?

Yes.

Yes, what?

Black magic. You see,

I'm a human weapon.

Now, look, Professor, I do not have

the time to stand around making jokes.

I'm not joking,

I assure you.

A human weapon!

Are you serious?

I've never been more

serious in my life.

You see...

I see. I see.

You're some sort

of a magician, huh?

What?

Look, I'm afraid they've sent

you to the wrong department.

Now what you want is the Entertainment

Division of Special Services.

I'll make one little phone call

and settle this whole thing for you.

No! Wait! Wait!

Now, get me Colonel...

General! I can prove it.

Never mind.

All right, prove it.

Excuse me.

Look. That airplane up there.

Uh-huh.

Now watch this.

I'm watching.

You see?

Wonderful! Marvelous!

Now watch this.

Uh-huh.

There. And the secret

lies in this ancient coin.

In that coin?

Well, well, well.

And you see,

this makes it possible to...

You know, this is a marvelous little

invention you have here, Professor.

Well, it's not exactly

an invention...

I'll tell you what

I'm going to do.

I'm going to have my

secretary help you fill out

form number W5A16,

in quadruplicate...

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