Zotz! Page #5

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But, sir...

This will be filed

and duly considered at the next

meeting of the Chiefs of Staff.

How long before

I hear from you?

Well, the next meeting is

sometime in December.

December!

Yes, yes.

Of course, anything

suggested at that meeting

will have to be forwarded

onto higher echelons.

But this power of mine

is immediate...

Well, of course, I believe that

if you leave your name and address,

you can expect to receive some

sort of communication from us

after the first of the year.

What sort of communication?

Well, now...

General, don't you think the

state of world conditions today

demands that you

take immediate...

I think that you're

absolutely right,

and we are wasting time

standing here talking about it.

Yes, we are.

I'm glad that we

see eye to eye.

And I will start the wheels

in motion right now.

Corporal, I want you

to drop everything

and help Professor Jones

here fill out form W5A16.

Thank you, Professor.

No, sir, but, General...

Please sit down, Professor.

This may take a while.

Well, thanks,

but don't bother.

But what about form W5A16?

You tell the general

that he can...

Oh, never mind.

I beg your pardon.

Don't I know you?

No, I don't believe so.

My name is Hugh Fundy.

What is that, may I ask?

This? This is a death ray.

Oh. Well, good luck.

Uncle Jonathan, I didn't

expect you home tonight.

Well, I decided

to cut my trip short.

Hey, you're all

dressed up. How come?

For the farewell dinner

for the dean, you remember.

Gee, it's nice you

returned in time for it.

Yeah, I'd better change.

I won't be five minutes.

Well, I'll meet you

at the country club.

Can't you wait

while I change?

Well, gee, Uncle Jonathan, I expected

you to be out of town tonight,

and I told Jimmy

I'd go with him. And there he is.

Bye, see you at the club. There's

sauerkraut juice in the fridge.

I'm coming!

Virginia!

Hello.

Oh, hello, Virginia?

Jonathan.

Oh, Jonathan, you're back. So soon?

Yeah, I got homesick,

I guess.

Say, the reason

I'm calling, I...

I thought I might escort you

to the farewell dinner tonight.

Well, I'm awfully sorry, but I

was sure you'd be away and I...

Well, I accepted an

invitation to go with Horatio.

Horatio. Kellgore?

Well, yes. You see...

Oh, I'm sorry. Now,

please try to understand.

Oh, I understand.

I understand perfectly.

Oh, Jonathan.

Bye.

Well, here we are.

Dean Updike, of course,

and Mrs. Updike,

Professor Adams,

the principal

and, Virginia,

I want you to sit there,

and of course, I shall occupy

the speaker's chair.

Is everything satisfactory,

Professor Kellgore?

Oh, yes.

Yes, it seems to be.

Of course, this is a very

special occasion, you understand.

I want everything exactly right. I've

made myself personally responsible.

Of course.

Perhaps I may have the waiter bring

you a cocktail before the others arrive?

No, no. It might

relax me too much.

Have to make

a speech right after dinner.

Yes.

Good evening.

Hello. Hi, Dad. Hello,

Professor Fenster.

Hello, Jimmy.

Hello, Cynthia.

Just in time, James.

Good evening, Cynthia.

I'm so sorry your uncle won't

be able to make it tonight.

Better check the wine.

Oh, but he's back.

I told him to meet us here.

I know, dear, but when I talked

to him on the phone just now,

he said he was too exhausted from

his trip, that he wouldn't come.

Virginia, would you

check the guest list?

It's a good thing,

if you ask me.

What do you mean?

Well, we all want everything to be nice

for the dean's farewell dinner, don't we?

Are you implying

that my Uncle Jonathan...

Look, don't get bent out

of shape. Your uncle's okay.

I guess. But everybody knows

he's a little bit kooks.

Kooks!

Yeah.

Well, like that night he chased

us in Professor Fenster's car.

And, well, you heard about

those mice, didn't you?

Jimmy Kellgore, if you...

Oh, forget it.

Let's sit down, huh?

James?

Yeah, Dad?

Would you come here?

Excuse me.

Yeah, Dad?

Now, James, I want to caution you

about the way you behave tonight.

No raucousness or

ungentlemanly behavior.

Oh, sure, Dad.

This is a very important

evening, you understand.

The dean still hasn't

named a successor,

and his decision could stand or fall on

the impression that I create at the dinner.

Understand?

I dig.

Don't... Speak English.

Oh, dear.

Good evening, my dear Dean.

Professor.

Good evening... Oh!

Mrs. Updike. May I say that you

look dangerously lovely this evening?

Professor Kellgore, you

say the most awful things.

It was very nice of you

to preside tonight, Kellgore.

Well, when I heard that

Professor Jones would be absent,

I felt that someone

had to take things in hand.

Yes, quite so.

Poor Jones.

Excellent man, really, but... I'm

sorry, my dear, I didn't mean to...

That's all right, sir.

Shall we sit down? The others

should be along presently.

Dean, the chair of honor,

of course. There you are.

Get out of the way,

will you?

Mrs. Updike, would you grace

our table with your radiance?

Charmed.

"When in disgrace with

fortune and men's eyes

"I all alone beweep

my outcast state. "

Here's how.

"And trouble deaf heaven

with my bootless cries,

"and look upon myself,

and curse my fate. "

Oh...

And speaking of our beloved dean's

regretted departure from our midst,

I would like to borrow an aphorism from

the works of the great La Rochefoucauld.

The...

Hello, everybody. Sorry I'm late.

Accept my apologies, Horatio.

Yes, yes. It's good to see

you, Jones. Most unexpected.

Did you have a nice trip?

Fantastic.

I hope you didn't miss the Lincoln

Memorial, a very moving experience.

Brings tears to my eyes

every time I see it.

Yeah, well, if you don't

mind, just sit down, please.

Yes.

Traitor.

Jonathan, you...

Don't bother to explain.

My dear friends...

Friends?

My dear and true friends,

although I usually abstain

from intoxicating spirits,

I would on this occasion

like to indulge

in sort of a token sip of

this ceremonial champagne.

It is indeed fitting

that I propose a toast

to our beloved dean.

And put into words the

true feelings in my heart...

Zotz!

Your knowledge

has been a guiding hand

for all these many years,

building towards dedication

to something recognized

the whole world over

in the tremendous force

of the noble language.

And so on this

emotional occasion...

It's disgraceful. The man's making

a drunken exhibition of himself.

I know, my dear,

but what can I do?

Assert yourself.

...hold this party

in recognition...

Yes, yes, Kellgore.

Very nice indeed of you.

Thank you.

But I haven't finished yet.

Thank you, Kellgore.

That will be all.

I'm sure what my colleague,

Professor Kellgore, means to say

is something which all of

us feel in our hearts,

but find very

difficult to express.

Simply ave atque vale.

Hail and farewell.

Hail and farewell.

Hail and farewell.

Hail.

Thank you, Jonathan.

Thank you very much.

It's good to have

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