$elfie Shootout Page #5

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- Yeah.

Okay.

We have a counter!

Business is business.

I understand completely.

We have, of course, worked very

hard on "selfie shootout."

And we see immense upside

for rhinoceroz.

We do, too, hence the $5,000.

Well, then I think

we need the 5,000

and 25 cases of the beverage.

Delivered.

But we're not hard

on that number.

We're negotiable on that.

Totally. Totally.

That was correct.

$5,000 and 25 cases...

Delivered.

- Yes!

- Awesome!

It's me, Mr. Moorhead!

- Ooh.

- What?

Wow. Good look, there.

Chub bought it.

You really like it?

Oh, what can I say?

Sharp.

He's in the bedroom.

It's kind of not

working out like I thought.

The shootout?

- Yeah.

- What do you mean?

I thought we'd get some babes.

We are getting babes.

Tons.

And money. Tons.

No. Us personally,

you know?

Just for us.

And the money's kind of

stalling out.

Worrisome.

And you're right,

we haven't met any babes

since the hot tub party.

Do you think

they were just using us?

They're just snaps, like before.

I thought we'd,

you know, get girls.

- Wait a minute.

- Genius kicking in?

Kicked in! We need to start

thinkin' like a big box store.

That's kind of

what I was thinking, too.

Big box. How?

We need volume.

That's what we've been missing.

The hot tub party?

- That was small time.

- Meager.

Suppose we throw a really big

meet the judges party?

I'm talkin' big.

I like it.

I like it a lot.

But this time we control costs.

We charge them $5 at the door!

Yes! Money coming in!

We meet them in person,

and they'll like us

because they have to!

- Exactly.

- Oh!

I'm a genius.

- Selfie coming in.

- Yup.

Oh!

Please, just stop it.

Whew! What a babe.

Any more of her?

Hmm? Maybe. There.

Ooh, yes.

Best of breed.

Invite her.

Sorry about the interruption.

Rhino board of directors

asked me to personally see

what all these

selfies are about.

15 sites up and running

around the globe.

Well, let's see a few.

Hmm.

She's beautiful.

So how's that going?

- $24,625. Two days.

- Gold mine.

You got to know them Japanese

love their selfies.

An unbelievable

$179,125 in just two days.

Well, we all love selfies.

I know I do.

I... I'm wondering how much do

the Danes like their selfies?

Not as much as the Japanese,

but, hey,

it's a smaller country.

$32,025 in 48 hours.

Well, per capita that's...

That's pretty damn good.

And our liability

in each of these countries?

- The... the prize money?

- Nothin'.

- Nothing?

- Yep.

How can that be?

Nice little contract we have.

The boys are covering

the $35,000 grand prize.

We have all

the international rights,

as in all

the international income.

Genius, geni...

Ah, say, are there

any other selfies?

Oh. My personal favorite,

Brazil.

It's like them Brazilian babes

were just made for selfies.

I couldn't agree more.

I'm going to need .Jpegs

of all of these.

Hi-rez only.

For the files, you understand.

Oh.

Oh, yes. Oh.

Oh. Ooh, ooh, ooh.

Selfies italiano per favore.

Here you go.

Ahh! Holy cannoli.

I'd like to smear

some ricotta cheese

on her tasty little rump.

Grr.

'Kay, mom, just make sure

you're collecting the $5.

I know, I know.

Go, go, go.

$5 includes a free drink.

- Your name sweetie?

- Abby.

- Abby. Best of luck.

- Thanks.

- Next name?

- Bolivia.

How do we get our extra points?

See our sons

the judges back there?

You kiss there ass

for maximum points.

Does this include snacks?

Of course it does, Bolivia.

What can I tell you?

Our sons, they hate money,

but they love

their little selfies.

Next? Name?

Lakeisha.

Oh, honey,

how do you spell that?

Like it sounds.

Right.

There you go.

Next?

Nicole.

Can you tell me

where are the judges?

They're back there.

There you go.

$5!

Oh, ho, ho, ho!

Well, look at you.

Aren't you something?

Oh, thanks.

Got a special

invite from the judges.

Not gonna lie.

Here for the extra points.

Here, let's snap a few.

Ooh! Oh, okay.

Oh.

5 bucks?

What a deal!

They have to be taking a lot.

Or getting a tax write-off.

Ooh, if they need

a tax write-off,

that means they're really rich.

So smart, losing money.

Crazy smart.

Um, chub said we all get

some, uh, extra free drinks?

Ooh!

Well, whatever chub says goes.

You're such a tramp.

Oh, they can afford it.

Losing money is smart

for rich people.

All right, girls!

To the bar we go!

Take care of these

lovely ladies.

Give 'em whatever they want.

Oh! What's up, ladies?

How are you?

Oh, are those the shoes

that we bought you?

Yeah, they are, sweetie.

Thank you so much.

Oh, yes, thank you so much.

We love them.

You two are so sweet.

- Oh, we're so sweet?

- Yes.

Yeah, baby.

You said we could.

- We did?

- We were drunk.

- And they are babes.

- You know what?

It's no problem!

It's our pleasure!

Yeah, wear 'em in good health.

And guess what?

You both are contenders!

What? Shake 'em!

Shake 'em, shake 'em!

- Yes!

- Love it!

I love my life!

I need a drink!

Thank you!

- Bottle of champagne.

- Me, too.

It's so generous of the guys.

Let's go see them.

Want a drink?

- Hey.

- Hey.

I'm Abby.

You're so hot.

I know. It is

sweltering in here.

No. No!

Your essence.

Hey.

- Hey, Abby.

- Yeah, this is Abby.

- I know!

- Got to be honest here.

- For the extra points.

- Not for the drinks?

Drinks! Me!

Drinks! Me!

If you want extra drinks,

just tell them that chub

told you all right!

Give this selfie queen

an extra ten points.

- Whoo!

- I want all the points!

Whoo! Wait a minute!

17 over there!

What about me?

How many do I get? Huh?

Rosa gets 50 extra bonus points!

- I love you, Rosa!

- 45.

- 39.

- Yeah!

- Uh-oh!

- 45.

Mindy!

- 12!

- And me?

How many points do I get?

Dance off!

yeah, yeah

yeah, yeah, yeah

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Did you see that

babe last night?

Which one?

The babe-est.

The one in the green

sequined dress.

Mmm.

Mmm.

She was not my type.

Oh, I liked her a lot.

I would give her minus points.

Ah, you can't minus points her.

- I gave her 369.

- Points?

- Mm-hmm. -How are we

judging this anyways?

I don't remember who I gave

points to or how many.

Did we get laid last night?

- I doubt it.

- Are you sure?

Mmm, 90% sure?

And if we did, it doesn't count

since we don't remember it.

- Good point.

- Yep.

Not remembering is like

it never happened.

But wait,

I don't remember my babyhood,

but I had one.

Okay.

Oh, man.

I would love to get

my jetpack blasted

by that green dress babe.

Mm-mmm, mm-mmm, mmm!

What do you think?

Unh-unh.

She's all yours.

Boys! Get in here quick.

Breaking news.

Winners of this past

weekend's super lottery draw.

We don't really care

about the news, dad.

It's kind of an

interruption in our lives.

It's okay.

We'll, you're gonna

want to see this.

Shh.

K-dik major breaking news.

We have our on-scene

reporter Sandra Jackson

at congressman

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