100 Bloody Acres Page #4

No.

No... no, no, no, no.

I know what kind of girl you are.

I've seen your type on TV.

Paris Hilton and all them other...

You're all the bloody same.

- No.

- All you want...

is sex and drugs and a good time!

- It's not right!

- No, I'm not like that!

I... I want to get closer to you.

I thought that we had a connection.

Nah, nah.

A real lady doesn't want to

thingo every bloke she meets.

A real lady doesn't

flirt with strangers.

A real lady wouldn't be doin'

two blokes at the same time!

No, that's not true!

You told me yourself!

Oh, three blokes now.

Jesus!

Please Reg!

I thought us country folks were

supposed to look out for each other.

No, you ain't country.

You're a...

city slut!

I'm just trying to

get us out of here.

He's obviously talking sh*t, James!

Sunshine so good to me

Do you believe in the old saying,

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Help!

Help!

The March Hare and the Mad Hatter

are sitting at one side...

F*** me, Rhonda.

Um, keys, keys, keys.

She was so fair that she was...

Morgan's Organic

will get your garden

growing great

That's a Morgan Brothers'...

I'm sorry.

Hey.

F***!

James, please, don't

look at me like that.

We can focus on getting out of here.

What do you reckon?

I don't think it's fair on you

for us to be having this

conversation right now.

All right, I can't...

You really want to know?

Well, I'm not proud of

what happened with Wes.

But it happened.

And if you really want to analyze it,

then... maybe, you know,

there are reasons.

Maybe we should be getting

a few things out in the open.

No, I really need you to

listen to me right now, James!

Shut up!

You've always made such a good case,

why things should be your way.

But has it ever occur to you that maybe

I don't want the same things as you?

Short-term goals and your five-year plans.

What the f***?

I'm over it!

The house inspections

and the winery tours

and the office barbies with

your project manager makes

any stupid, boring girlfriend!

Talking about interest rates and

Clarkie's batting average

and listening to John Butler

because it makes you feel

like you're doing something

for the environment?

Well, I cannot f***ing

stand John f***ing Butler!

Whip Willy Wiggins

was a wee young man

with a wiggle and waggle

and a yes I can

And he cracked his whip

bull across this land

From Woolloomooloo to Coonabarabran

Gonna be bloody joking.

Here,you know, Burkey.

Alright, I can't really stop

here now, heading now on.

I've ...

Oh, f***, f***, f***...

Sh*t and derision.

G'day, Burkey.

G'day, mate.

What brings you out here?

You know, I just come

from the crash scene.

You know, down Jilljara Road?

- Oh yeah?

- Yeah.

And I'm looking for the driver.

Buggers gone walk away.

Haven't seen anything

unusual, have you?

No.

No, nothing.

It just went bush.

That is strange.

Yeah, yeah, very strange indeed.

A bit like the poor

old Salvo Six, eh?

But I got a bit more

to go on this time.

I got some tire tracks from

right next to the vehicle.

- Speaking of which...

- Yeah?

Are you going to be at the

fundraiser next week?

Yeah.

How are your pumpkins this year?

They...

Good, good.

Giddy mate.

Should get going.

And right now, I want me down

at that f***ing fish...?

Chaos I reckon.

Jungle kids.

Hey, I remember last year

those poofters of Billy Fever

found rootin' in his dam.

Yeah, that's it.. very...

Still, a bit of tourism can't

be all bad for the district.

Oh, by the way...

I heard your ad on Sunshine earlier.

- Oh yeah?

- Yeah.

What do you reckon?

Bloody hilarious.

Anyway, I... suppose I'd better see

what those little bastards are up to, eh?

What was that?

What was what?

Coming from your boot and...

You'd better open up, mate.

Know what it is?

- I hit a roo earlier.

- Oh, yeah?

That's the, uh, twitch

they make after they cark.

Kind like the... the death twitch.

- Hmm.

- Yeah.

Well, that's how it works, right?

Well, we collect the

roadkills for processing,

the shire saves on disposal.

We keep the product Aussie-made.

Good on youse, I say.

Yeah, just doin' our bit, Burkey.

Just doin' our bit.

Death twitch, hmm.

I like that.

Hello?

Hello!

Hey, ah, Linds?

Now kill the engine, mate.

Hey, open the trunk!

What, man?

Forget something?

What's going on?

What? No.

Come on, I'm f***ing

freaking out in here, man!

Whoa, what do you know?

Open the f***ing boot!

- Pull the boot, Linds.

- I can't.

- Pull the boot!

- Open the trunk!

Must.. must have been...

- Pull the f***ing boot, Linds!

- Must have been one of them poofters

from the...

from the festival.

Pull the f***ing boot!

Yeah, yeah, no worries, mate.

F*** a rat!

- Get off!

- He want my potassium!

Just relax, relax,

take it easy.

Alright look, I'll

call for help, alright?

Mate, what can I say?

One of those days.

F*** it!

James, I think I can actually...

James!

Alright, hold on, okay?

Reg, James is in trouble.

Got your Mr Frooty.

You like pine orange?

- Oh, well.

- Drink up, you need it.

Now, I've been doing

some real deep soul seekin'.

- And I reckon.

- Good, that's great.

- James needs help.

- Hang on, I need to say this.

What I reckon is, that

when Lindsay gets back

I'm going to have a really

serious talk to him about all this.

That's the smart thing to do, Reg.

And I'm sorry I called you a...

you know, what I

called you back there.

Yes, lookit, that's okay.

No, no, no, what I said

about you not being a

real lady and everything?

You are a real lady.

The first real lady I ever met.

What about Becs?

No, she's not real.

Well, she is... that's complicated.

Look, I know that you

tried to thingo with me

because you had to.

Now, you don't want to die.

I get it.

I don't want you to die neither.

Ay, he's gonna drown!

Jesus.

James.

Reg!

Ungag him.

You f***ing slut!

Hey, don't you talk to her like that!

I'll talk to this whore

any way I like!

Ow.

Reg!

Oh.

I'll take care of this.

Untie us, Reg

Right in front of me.

Reginald!

Um, I'm going to talk to him.

I'll sort it all out.

No, no, Reg, wait!

Linds, we got to talk.

True what we do.

There's a - there's a

reason for what I've done.

What is that?

You're bakin' a giant f***ing pie?

You don't get it, do you?

This is me saying, I've had enough!

No, Reg.

I've had enough.

See, this is what I'm talking about!

You just can't treat me this way!

What I ever do...

is clean up after you.

One f***ing mess after another.

Want to see the latest?

Huh?

It's a real ripper.

Get up f*** arse.

Have a look in the boot

and tell us what we

gonna do about this one.

The next time you want

to do something daft

like chop up me pumpkins,

piss off to your wang van

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