100 Girls Page #5

Score!

We aren't filthy pigs like men.

We're always picking after you.

Why are you so worked up? PMS and

quitting smoking at the same time?

A woman can't get mad, unless it's

her period! You're so close-minded!

Yeah, but about

all the right things.

Goal! Two - zip.

Time to strip.

America is so one-sided. Wedding

gifts are a demonstration of that.

What all the newly-weds get?

Kitchen stuff. Girlie crap.

Small trade-off for having

to cook for some lazy ass man!

Lazy? Then answer me this:

When you're walking with a girl...

why does the guy have to slow

down, instead of her speeding up?

Who said going slower is better?

It's not. Going faster is better.

And more exercise.

How about that?

Goal.

At least, we don't start wars.

Maybe if we got laid a little bit

more often, we wouldn't be so.

Maybe you'd get laid more often, if

you knew what you're doing in bed.

You've got it easy. You touch

a guy anywhere and it feels good.

With a woman, it's like

finding a needle in a haystack.

While we're on the subject, you

find it gross to go down on a guy...

and, when you do it,

it's like a really big deal!

But guys are willing to go diving

for oysters anytime, anywhere.

We're more willing to give

pleasure, we're less selfish.

At this remark, I thought Arlene

would spontaneously combust.

- You're so sexist!

- You know what? I am.

- So are you.

- I am not!

You sound like Louis Farrakhan

saying only white men are racist.

But we all have prejudices.

Black, white, male, female.

- Goal.

- You cheated!

How can you do that?

I wasn't even looking!

My God, you cheated!

This was bad. This wasn't

my glorious wrestling fancy.

- You cheated, admit it!

- We didn't lay down any rules!

Maybe that was the problem.

There were no rules

between men and women.

And this lack of rules

made girls...

and specially us guys like

these foosball players.

We had giant steels takes for a heart

and we're spinning out of control.

I was just as bad as Rod.

But I finally had something to say...

when I was called on in

my Woman Studies class.

There's no clear defined rules

between men and women.

Each side thinks they're playing

fair and they're being cheated.

Maybe this is why men and women

bring out the poison in one another.

Rubbish!

We all know there are rules!

Rules that are enforced and imposed

by the contemporary patriarchy...

of western civilization!

Saturday after midterms seemed

like an ordinary Saturday night.

I checked on the girl who

never came out of her room.

Then I noticed that Dora

wasn't in her usual spot.

Dora!

Have you girls seen Dora?

Have you guys seen Dora?

She's up there.

- Why aren't you doing anything?

- She does this every semester.

Id break the VCRs o those girls

couldn't watch Jane Austen movies.

Let's play West.

Don't do it!

The first time I did this,

nobody noticed.

- Now nobody cares.

- I care.

Why are you doing this?

- I was born with the greatest curse.

- What's that?

I'm ugly and I'm

also very smart.

- You're not ugly.

- I know what's in store for me.

No one will ever

have passion for me.

People all around me will be

falling in love and making love...

and getting married

and having kids.

The closest thing

I'll ever have to that...

is someone inviting me

to their Christmas dinner...

because they feel guilty, I might

be spending the holiday alone.

my male counterpart...

an obese man or a guy with a

harelip, will invite me to coffee...

and we'll pretend to love

each other and tighten up...

because we're so desperately

afraid of growing old alone.

I had a bad feeling this girl

might jump this time.

I felt terrible that I had treated her

like she had the Ebola virus.

There was something inside this

girl I wanted to expose myself to.

She was so self-aware,

so sensitive.

Maybe she noticed

the change in me.

Come on,

let's go back inside.

that I'm right.

You're probably right.

You didn't have to worry.

I just like to come up here sometimes

and see what it might be like.

I found out what Dora was reading

all those Saturday nights.

D.H. Lawrence, Colette

and Henry Miller.

"Sylvester, yes, he knows

how to build a fire.

But I know how

to inflame your c*nt.

I shoot hot bolts

into you, Tania.

I make your ovaries

incandescent".

Can you imagine someone

being that passionate for you?

Your turn.

"Your Sylvester is

a little jealous now.

He feels something, doesn't he?

The reminiscence of my big prick.

I set the shores a little wider.

I ironed out the wrinkles.

After me, you can take

on stallions, bulls, rams...

saint bernards".

Being Francesca has

its disadvantages.

What happened?

Last night, my roommate,

Rod, came to find me.

He didn't recognize me

as Francesca.

God!

Jesus Christ!

So he starts looking

at my dress.

I know exactly what he's doing.

Because I do it when I can too.

Whenever men look at a girl,

they imagine her naked.

So that's what he's doing

to me right there.

I felt...

...violated.

- I know the feeling.

It's no wonder that women have

to be the gatekeepers of sex.

With the way men are, women

could initiate the sexual battle...

whenever they wanted.

Guys are just simply always

willing to volunteer for sex.

Their attitude towards it, it's like

putting jam into a jelly donut.

I tested the concept with Rod.

So what do you

wanna do about it?

What are you talking about?

You just said "I love you".

No, you got me wrong.

I said "olive soup".

- What?

- 0live soup.

So he was all ready

to do it with you?

It proves men are irresponsible when

it comes to genital gymnastics.

I have this theory that

has to do with shopping.

- Shopping?

- Women have more practice at it.

They can go into a store, circle

something and they won't buy it!

They're learning self-restraint.

Men only go shopping when we

know exactly what we're gonna get.

Men and women treat sex

the exact same way.

- Your theory has some validity.

- It's not only sex.

Women are more responsible

about everything!

The fact of the matter is,

women really rule the world.

Thank you.

The irony is that women are not

pointed to recognizable positions.

They have to carry out their

work at the underground.

Men are afraid of putting women to

the work place, because they know...

women will rise to their

proper levels on top.

- I think you're right.

- I've got a cookie for you here.

Thank you.

Care to come in and share

a bowl of Captain Crunch?

Patty had a way of even making

"Captain Crunch" sound sexy.

No, I have work to do.

Look, don't be afraid. I know you

like some other girl than me.

Here, have some.

It's the original.

There's some syrup to put on it.

That's how I like it.

How do you know I like

some other girl?

- By the way that you look at me.

- And how is that?

There's a certain way a man

stares at the woman he loves.

The man looks like

a boy on his birthday.

And he treats the woman

as if she were a gift...

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes