10 Most Excellent Things: The Producers Page #8

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Rhineland's a fine land once more

Springtime for Hitler and Germany

Watch out, Europe

We're going on tour

Springtime for Hitler and Germany

Look, it's springtime

Winter for Poland and France

Springtime for Hitler and Germany

Springtime

Springtime

Springtime

Springtime

Springtime

Springtime

Springtime

Come on, Germans

Go into your dance

I was born in Dsseldorf

And that is why they call me Rolf

Don't be stupid, be a smarty

Come and join the Nazi Party

Well, I never!

Talk about bad taste.

Come on, let's get out of here

before they kill us.

The Fhrer is coming

The Fhrer is coming

The Fhrer is coming

- Heil Hitler

- Heil Hitler

Heil Hitler

Springtime for Hitler and Germany

Heil Hitler

Heil myself

Heil to me

I'm the Kraut who's out

To change our history

Heil myself

Raise your hand

There's no greater dictator

In the land

- Everything I do, I do for you

- Yes, you do

If you're looking for a war

Here's World War II

Heil myself

Raise your beer

Every hotsy-totsy Nazi

Stand and cheer

Hooray

Heil myself

Heil myself

Every hotsy-totsy Nazi

Stand and cheer

He's so cute

Let's give a salute and heil

Heil myself

I love you.

I was just a paperhanger

No one more obscurer

Got a phone call from the Reichstag

Told me I was Fhrer

Germany was blue

Oh, what, oh, what to do?

Hitched up my pants

And conquered France

Now Deutschland's smiling through

Oh, it ain't no mystery

If it's politics or history

The thing you gotta know is

Everything is show biz

Heil myself

Watch my show

I'm the German Ethel Merman

Don't you know?

We are crossing borders

The New World Order is here

Make a great big smile

Everyone "Sieg Heil" to me

Wonderful me

And now it's springtime

Springtime for Hitler and Germany

- Goose step

- Goose step's the new step today

Bombs falling from the skies again

Deutschland is on the rise again

Springtime for Hitler and Germany

U- boats are sailing once more

Springtime for Hitler and Germany

- Means that

- Soon we'll be going

- We've got to be going

- You know we'll be going

You bet we'll be going

You know we'll be going

To war

Roger!

"A satiric masterpiece."

No way out.

"A surprise smash."

No way out.

" It was shocking,

outrageous, insulting...

...and I loved every minute of it."

No way out!

How could this happen?

We picked the wrong play,

the wrong director, the wrong cast.

Where did we go right?

" Congratulations."

- What are you doing?

- I'm taking these books...

...and I'm leaving.

Don't try and stop me.

I've made up my mind.

Wait. Where do you think

you're going?

I'm turning myself in.

It's the only way.

I'm going to play ball with the IRS.

I'm going to cooperate

with the authorities.

They'll reduce my sentence,

there's time off for good behaviour.

Maybe I'll get a job

in the prison library.

Please keep in touch.

It's been very nice working with you.

Leo. Leo. Leo.

Frightened Leo. Nervous Leo, relax.

Take it easy, all right?

You're overwrought.

You don't know what you're doing.

You're acting out of panic.

Give me those frigging books!

Give me!

- Give me! Give me! Give me!

- I never should've listened to you.

I was an honest man

before I met you.

An honest man?

You were an honest mouse!

- Give me. Give me.

- How I hate you!

Double! Double! Double!

Fat! Fat!

I'm not that fat.

Fat!

Fat!

Fatty!

Fatso!

You fat, fat, fatty, fatty, fat walrus.

Give me the fat books!

- Never, never!

- Fat, fat, fatty, fat!

- Oh, Jesus!

- Give them to me!

Give me the books!

- Congratulations!

- Congratulations!

- Give it to me! Give it to me!

- No! No!

- Give it to me! Give it to me!

- No! No!

Now, that's what I call celebrating.

You. You lousy fruit.

- You ruined me.

- You ungrateful breeder.

After he stepped in and saved

your little show, I cannot... My chains!

- Leave him alone!

- My Italian chains! My chains!

You have broken the Siegfried Oath.

You must die. You all must die!

What are you doing,

you neo- Nazi nitwit?

- Your show's a hit.

- Who cares?

You made a fool out of Hitler.

- He didn't need our help.

- He didn't need our help.

Stand still! How can I shoot you

if you keep moving?

Get back here!

Under the desk! Under the desk!

- Darling, quick, back in the closet.

- Okay.

This is no good.

I'm not killing anybody.

You must cooperate!

All right, Bialystock und Bloom.

Now I got you.

Say your prayers!

Remember I'd tell you

when we're in too deep?

- Yeah?

- We're in too deep.

Franz, don't do it! Please, I beg you!

Oh, no, no.

You snivelling cowards!

Cringing under a desk?

Clinging to life like baby butterflies.

Franz Liebkind will show you

how to die like a man!

Jammed.

Boy, when things go wrong...

That's it. Next time, no author.

What are you shooting

at us for anyway?

You Teutonic twit!

Wait. Wait a minute.

I just got an idea.

A way to close the show.

Franz, l...

- There, there.

- Where? Where?

Franz, listen to me.

Why don't you use this

where it'll do some good.

- Why don't you shoot the actors.

- The actors?

Yes, the actors.

Everybody laughed at your

beloved Fhrer tonight, and why?

Because of the actors.

The actors were making fun of him.

Yeah, you're right, the actors!

Yes. Here, go, buy bullets.

- Kill. Kill all the actors.

- I must kill all the actors.

Wait a minute!

What are you talking about?

What do you mean, "kill the actors"?

You can't kill the actors.

Actors are not animals.

They're human beings.

They are?

Have you ever eaten with one?

- Here. Listen...

- Open up, it's the police!

- The police!

- The police!

Come on, boys.

I was never a member

of the Nazi Party. I had nothing...

You, drop that gun.

- Ociffers!

- What's going on here?

This crazy Kraut is crackers!

He crashed in here

and crassly tried to kill us.

- Oh, Roger, what alliteration.

- Thank you, darling.

Okay, youse two can go.

- Thank you.

- Thank you.

Tried to kill him, eh?

Officer O'Rourke, take this man in.

Next stop, Sing Sing.

Sing Sing?

You'll never take me alive!

- What happened?

- I broke my other leg.

All right, who are you,

and why was he trying to shoot you?

I haven't the slightest idea,

Sergeant O'Toole.

The name is O'Bialystock.

I was just passing by on me way

to the Pat O'Brien Film Festival...

...and I ducked in to see

what the hell was going on.

And now I'll be on me way,

before me voice gets any higher.

As we say in the old country, "Taxi!"

Hold it!

Hey, sarge, look at this.

- What?

- I found these two accounting books.

- This one says, "Show to the IRS."

- And what's the other one say?

" Never show to the IRS."

I think the three of you

better come downtown with me.

- Three?

- Yeah, you and them two books.

Mr. Bialystock?

Mr. Bloom?

Where are you?

Everyone is waiting for you

at the opening-night party.

Ulla, help me.

What happened to you?

I know.

You hung up your coat

while you were still in it.

Thank you for helping me down.

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