13 Demons Page #3

and heaven has opened up and

frozen with rain pelt you.

Winds strike at you and may

fight you like a feather.

Whoa, that's some heavy sh*t.

- Yeah.

- To advance,

you must roll a four or higher.

Roll to continue.

Fulfill your destiny.

- Fulfill that destiny.

- I'm gonna fulfill it.

- This is getting better, man.

- Oh.

Your turn.

- Oh, um.

You guys want a snort?

- Nah man, I'm good.

Let's just play the game.

- Okay, yeah.

Sure.

- Yeah, I'll have some.

- No man, no.

No, thanks, no.

Let's just play the game man.

Let's keep playing.

All right, all right?

Cool, all right.

Okay, um, so.

Paladins enter upon

the magic room.

The master speaks.

In my foolish enthusiasm I

blurted out the plans to you

while you were on

your way to collect

the henna rope from the

wise woman of the Viborg.

Viborg, or Viborg.

Viborg.

I'm really sorry,

I'm sorry, that was.

That was uncalled for.

Viborg.

I didn't mean to

mispronounce it.

Can we continue?

- Yeah.

Okay.

- I won't make

that mistake again.

I'm sorry, I'm

really sorry, guys.

- That's okay.

- Okay, um.

Upon retrieval of the power gem,

remember, before you

forget your loyalty,

you wouldn't prompt to

insist on remaining with me,

be sure, for your survival

of capturing of the power gem

to displace all demons.

I.

It says I have to

roll a four or higher.

Six.

We're in the

demon town now, man.

- We're paladins.

- I am sorry about before,

talking sh*t about this game,

but this is a really good game.

This is a really good game.

This is a really good game.

I'm serious, it's

a really good game,

it's a really good game, guys.

This is entirely a good game.

I, this is a really good game.

This is a really,

really, really good game.

- Wow.

How about that.

- The body of an

unidentified man

was found in the parking

lot of an office park

on the southeast side.

Sources say his face

was so badly beaten,

he will have to be

identified by fingerprints

or dental records.

Anyone with information is

asked to call silent observer.

- Go in Harmony, paladin.

And seek thine balance

of the gray lore

through the stone walls

of the paladin's new home.

As they begin to disappear,

shadows grew beyond the

gleam of the crystals,

descending on the chests

and shelves of books

within the table

of the gray lord.

Paladins debated ancient

philosophies, Grant...

- why do you always

misread the sacred book?

It's a form of disrespect.

What is wrong with you?

You're reading like a child.

- Dude, it's paladin.

- P-p-p-p-p-paladin, paladin.

T-t-t-t-treasure,

g-g-g-g-golden golden

c-c-c-crown, crown, crowns.

We have been playing

this for many days.

The least you could

do is show respect.

What kind of person are you?

Am I right?

- Are you...

- language.

- Dude, what the

f*** is your problem?

- You sound like a

drunken Bavarian ogre.

- We're just tryin' to

get along here, all right?

- It doesn't even matter,

it doesn't even matter.

Just continue r-r-r-reading.

- I respect this realm.

- Continue.

- I do.

- Continue.

- Don't tell me

what to do, okay?

- Please.

- Okay.

Paladin.

At the stone walls

of the paladin,

proceed to the inner circle.

Join thine brethren

paladin as you watch for

the wizard and his open arms.

Collect 100 gold piece.

Man.

There, okay?

- Where's my dice?

Where's my dice, my dice was

right here, now it's gone.

- Are you f***ing kidding me?

- What do you mean

you lost your dice?

You're so careless, man,

why do you always lose sh*t?

I mean, you take

enough time already,

you lose your way all

across the realms,

yet you still can't

hold onto anything,

and yet you claim that we

have no respect for this game?

- Okay, this is

what I mean by like

not respecting what

we're trying to do.

Why can't you be more prepared?

I mean...

- did you take it?

Did you take my dice?

- I have mine.

I've been holding onto it.

When I throw it down, I

find out where it goes,

count how many dots are

on it, and I grab it.

- And you claim yourself to

be a golden paladin warrior

and you can't even

remember where your dice is

and you have the audacity to

blame others in your own quest.

- Thick as thieves, you are.

- Look, you are slipping, man.

- I'm gonna ask you again.

Did you take my dice?

I am looking at you, not you.

You.

- No, man, what the f***.

Come on.

Let's just be civilized here.

- Oh, false alarm.

Very sorry.

I am sorry, I am sorry.

I didn't mean to

accuse any of you.

You are not thieves, all

is right in the order.

The brotherhood.

Right?

Right?

Can we continue?

Oh, god.

As I approach the barbarian,

he drew himself up.

Listen, he shouts,

child of nature,

I have done my part.

I have practiced my skills.

I am the only

journeyman in this land.

The only way to get to

your first demon citadel

is by taking the path the left.

The path to the right, to the

frozen caverns of Morgash.

Roll a three, you take

the path on the right.

Roll a four, you take

the path on the left.

Would you like a dram?

- Do not lie to us, paladin.

Do not bring mistrust

within this group.

- You've reached the carpenters.

Leave a message after the tone

and we'll get back to

you as soon as possible.

Thank you.

- Hello, mother.

Hello, father.

I come bearing good news.

I'm now a member of

the knight's order.

A part of the brotherhood,

the golden paladins,

the chosen ones.

The chosen ones to vanquish

all evil from this realm.

This is my destiny.

I know you always

haven't been proud of me,

but finally, I found my way

in life, I found my light.

I go into battle tonight.

There is a good chance,

though, that I may not return.

If I do not return,

think better of me.

Think better of me, for

I have brought honor

to our family name.

I love you.

Look at me, foul demon.

- Dude, we're closed.

I'm just tryin' to finish up.

Dude, we're closing.

I just wanna go home.

Can you please leave?

We're closed, all right?

- Please decrease

your level of interest

from that metal chariot.

For I am one of the golden

paladins of the knight's order.

- Dude, what the f***?

- A divine one.

- Hey dick, looks like

you got everything done

but the paperwork, again.

- I've come to slay thee,

foul demon of the apocalypse.

- What's this then?

- Fight me.

Fight me, you filth.

Fight me.

Fight me, if you're so bold.

- What's this?

- Some crazy f***in'

pothead, I don't know.

- Well get him outta here.

- Dude, f***in' leave.

- Are you ready to do

battle, foul demon?

Remove yourself from the

confines of your citadel

and approach me.

- You wanna f***in' go?

- You're as cowardly

as you are ugly.

- Dude, keep going, I dare you.

Keep f***ing going.

- You're as gutless

as your b*tch mother

that gave birth to you

from the depths of Hades.

- What did you just say to me?

- Flee before me.

Flee back to oblivion to

suckle on your mother's teat.

- The f*** did you

say about my mother?

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