21 & Over Page #10

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Hey, you gotta trust me. Now bring

him a little to the left. OK.

No, no, we gotta

pull him back up.

That's the Spirit

Mobile. It's super tall.

- I don't like this ride, guys.

No, it's too far down!

- Pull him back up!

- OK. You're right. Let's pull him up.

- Oh, sh*t!

- Miller!

Oh, my God! Did we just

kill JeffChang again?

Where's...?

Where's the Spirit Mobile?

- I don't know. It was right here.

- Oh, no,

did they drive off

with JeffChang on it?

- Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God.

I thought it was only 20 feet.

How am I supposed to know?

Come on, guys.

Get in. We're late.

- What the f***?

- Randy, look!

It's the guys who

stole your smart phone.

- F***ers.

- Why are they taking your truck, Randy?

- Get out of the Spirit Mobile!

- Oh sh*t! Go, go, go!

- Go!

- You're dead!

Hey!

- B*tch.

- Hey, what was that all about?

Don't worry about it, just drive, drive, drive.

- How'd you even start the car?

- The keys were in the ignition.

F***! I'm so late.

My dad's gonna kill me.

Hey, why is there a teddy bear

glued to my penis?

No idea, no idea how

that could have happened.

I miss you guys.

How come we never

hang out anymore?

- Wrong lane, wrong lane!

- Wrong lane!

You're in the wrong lane!

Oh, my God, JeffChang,

you're f***ing crazy right now!

- I feel really alert right now. I feel like Spider-Man.

- What?

I just really wish I

had my contacts on.

- Oh, my God!

- F***!

Parking meter, parking meter,

parking meter...!

F***, f***, f***, f***!

Oh, my God, oh, my God...

Oh, sh*t! What are you doing?

What are you doing?

Hit the brake, dude. Dude, hit

the brake! Hit the brake!

- No, stop!

- Dude, do it!

Get off!

Ow!

Look, I don't want to die.

I want to go back to college.

I want to go to Alaska, I want

to make out with a black chick!

- I wanna f*** Casey's sister!

- What?

- You dropped out of school?

- Yeah!

Why would you do that, Miller?

Turn around and drive the car,

please!

Oh, my God, we're going to jail.

We're going to jail.

- I can shake them, no problem.

- No, don't shake them.

Don't shake them!

- Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

- Whoa!

We're not on the street anymore.

This is not where cars go.

Cars don't go here.

Cars don't go here, JeffChang!

Oh, my God. Are your eyes open?

- F*** you.

- I can't tell.

- Oh, no. Oh, my God.

- Out of my way, nerds!

Hey, did you see that guy?

Casey, we need to

neutralize the target

'cause he doesn't know what

the f***'s going on right now.

- Come on, guys.

Sh*t, sh*t, sh*t.

Yeah, maybe I shouldn't

be driving.

It's 6:
51, we have nine minutes to

clean him up before his dad gets here.

- Guys, my back hurts.

- Yeah, we threw you out a third-story window onto a SUV.

- What? Why would you do that?

You told us to.

Why would I say that?

Because we're your

best friends. We love you.

Get him in the house!

Get him in!

What do we do about the bear?

I don't know, man, just f***ing

hold him or something.

- Oh, my God.

- Let's go.

- Holy sh*t! What are you doing?

- Pull harder.

- I don't want to rip his dick off!

- I don't want that either!

- F*** you!

- Seriously, pull harder, dude!

I don't know, man, JeffChang has

a super stretchy penis!

- Pull harder, dude!

- I'm trying to!

F***ing come on!

Oh, my God!

Dude, we just

circumcised JeffChang.

- Who cares? Get him in the bathroom.

- Come on, buddy!

Dude, I can't believe

we actually pulled this off.

Yeah, of course we did, man,

we're f***ing awesome.

- Small arms.

- Whatever. Come on.

- There we go.

- I don't know if I can do this.

- What are you talking about?

- Yeah, what do you mean?

I mean, like, I don't know

if I want go to med school

or be a doctor or any of it.

- Now you f***ing tell us?

Miller, shut up.

No, dude, are you serious?

I f***ing kissed a guy for you!

- Miller!

- What?

Yeah, I kissed Casey.

It was f***ing gross.

- Yeah.

- Miller, shut up.

- What?

Let him talk.

Look, I'm sort of

losing my sh*t up here.

We heard that you

tried to off yourself.

- Miller, really?

- What?

- Why'd you do it, man?

- I didn't.

- So then, what...?

- I mean, I did, sort of. I...

I was up for 72 hours studying.

I was cracked out on pills.

I was literally

hallucinating in my room,

but I didn't actually try to...

- Right. I do weird sh*t when I hallucinate too.

- Yeah.

- You know?

- The doctors say I'm not suicidal.

They just think I'm f***ing

stressed out of my mind.

- I mean, you guys know my dad.

- Yeah.

Yeah. He's been

riding me my whole life

to go to med school and be

a doctor, but I hate medicine.

I suck in science.

I'm f***ing miserable.

- So, don't do it.

- Yeah. F*** it.

Oh, sh*t, he's here. What should I do?

Honestly, I think you

have to tell him the truth, man.

I think that's pretty obvious

to everybody in this room.

- You gotta tell him the truth.

- Oh, my God, you guys are so white.

What?

Dude, that's really racist.

Yeah. White people

have feelings too, man.

I can't just tell him the truth.

I come from like five generations of doctors.

I'm the first-born son.

This is what's expected of me.

F***!

Dude, it's the rest of your life, man.

Stop being such a f***ing p*ssy.

He's your dad, dude.

He'll understand.

- I promise.

- Yeah.

Whoo!

- Holy sh*t!

- What the f***?

You just got rocked, boy!

- You OK, buddy?

- What?

- Bat me.

- That was so hot, Randy.

Look, man, we're sorry that we stole

your truck, but like, calm down, man.

Oh, no, this isn't about my truck.

- OK! OK!

- Chill, chill!

Oh, that lamp will

never work again, Randy!

- Yeah!

- OK, OK, OK, what is this about?

- Is this about your phone?

- Right, OK, we're sorry, Randy,

that we stole your truck

and your cell phone.

- This ain't about my phone neither.

- Wait! Whoa, whoa, whoa!

- Stop!

- B*tch!

That's my f***ing boom box, man.

- What is it about? Is it about Nicole?

- Calm down!

Oh, my God, you didn't

even close with Nicole.

Yeah, but I was really close,

right?

No, there's no such thing as

almost f***ing his girlfriend.

You either f***ed his girlfriend

or you didn't.

- Stop talking, a**holes!

- He didn't f*** your girlfriend!

- No, no, no, no.

- He didn't f*** your girlfriend!

- That's what I'm saying.

- Is this a joke?

I almost... I almost did.

Then you've almost

f***ed every girl you know.

This is not about

my truck or my phone...

...or... my... girl!

- That's my laptop!

- F*** your laptop! Get a desktop, b*tch!

You know what? This is definitely

about the dart in the face.

Honestly, I completely forgot about

the dart in your face. Are you OK?

- He's had a really rough night too.

- Shut up!

Come on, Randy! Do what I said,

f*** me in the ass, Randy!

What?

I mean, f*** them in the ass!

Just...

- What...

- The hell is going on here?

- Oh, sh*t.

- F***.

- Who the f*** is this guy?

- Hey.

I'm Jeffrey's father.

Who the f*** are you?

I'm Randy.

- He's Randy.

- That's Randy.

OK, Randy... I'm here to

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