21 & Over Page #9

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You know what? I'm f***ing done.

- None of that ever happened.

- Ever.

- Hi, how are you?

- Hi.

We need to find

some clothes, man.

We'll get some

at Health Services.

- Thanks, dude.

- Hey.

All right,

it's already 6:
00 a.m.

We gotta hurry up

and get JeffChang.

Dude, if I walk any

faster my sock's gonna fall off.

- This is all your fault.

- What?

You made JeffChang go out,

got him wasted,

you f***ed with the Latin sorority

girls, you pulled a gun out on Randy.

OK, look, you cannot pin

all this on me, Casey.

You're the reason why we are

currently walking through campus

at six in the morning wearing

only socks on our c*cks!

OK. I'm sorry for trying

to show you guys a good time.

You know what, man, we're done. OK?

When this is over don't e-mail me,

- don't text me, don't call me, don't poke me...

- Whoa!

...you and me are f***ing over!

Oh, and another thing,

Sidewinder sucks!

Take it back.

It's hot, it's dirty,

the people are gross,

and half the acts

are f***ing DJs.

Why would I want

to spend a week of my life

watching some a**hole

in a pink track suit

play his f***ing iPod for me?

Because your friends

are gonna be there...

I'm not going to some

stupid f***ing music festival

just to preserve the illusion that

we're still friends because we're not.

We're not still friends anymore,

Miller.

OK. It's cool, man.

So since we're not friends, I can tell

you how f***ing lame you've been.

I can tell you that you probably

should go to Wall Street

and that you should spend the funnest

years of your life in an office.

Working for the man,

wearing a cute little suit.

It's called growing up, dude.

Why don't you look into it?

I don't need to grow up, bro,

you need to grow down.

- That's not even an expression!

- Well, today it is! OK?

Do you remember what it's like

to have fun, to be cool,

to give a sh*t

about your friends?

- You've changed.

- Oh, my God.

You don't have f***ing balls

anymore. You're a little b*tch.

Well, you know what, man? You're just

the f***ing same desperate, low-life,

- f***ing loser that you've always been.

- Yeah?

- Yeah. So f***ing kudos to you, man!

- Don't f***ing push me.

- Don't start...

- You're a f***ing dick, dude! F***ing white trash!

F***ing hands off! Yeah, take it, b*tch!

F***ing a**hole!

Could fight...

You fight like a girl.

Health Services,

how can I direct your call?

I'll call you back.

Mental Health, third floor.

- You're hilarious.

- We're here to pick up our friend.

Name of patient?

Jeffrey Reginald Chang.

Plus if you had any clothes, that

would be greatly appreciated.

He's here. Let me get his file.

And if you could please

hurry up, we're in a rush here.

Thank God I don't know

anyone at this school.

Casey?

Nicole. Hi.

Um... where are your clothes?

We just got jumped by some

girls. It's a long story.

- I bet.

- What are you doing here?

Um... Randy got mauled

by a buffalo, remember?

Right, yes! How is that guy?

- He's fine, I guess.

- Yeah?

I mean, I came over here to check on

him and he got all agro on me again.

And then, I got pissed

and we broke up.

- Wow.

- Yeah.

So, we're pretty much done.

- Really?

- Mm-hm.

- Are you OK?

- Yeah, oh, it's fine.

I mean, we weren't

really that serious.

- But, still, I mean...

- Yeah, it was a long time coming.

- OK.

- Anyway...

...it looks like I'm going to

South America

by myself now, so...

- Oh, right, the trip.

- Mm-hm.

- I'm sorry.

- Oh, no, I'm still going.

Cool.

Yeah, my flight leaves

in a few hours, so...

...I guess this is goodbye.

OK.

Bye.

- Can I go with you?

- No thanks, I'm good.

OK, well, whenever

you're not good,

I'll be right here, reading Perfect Bride.

What, I can't read

Perfect Bride, bro?

I'm sorry, Jeffrey Chang

is on 24-hour hold.

He can't be released

until tomorrow morning.

- What?

- No, he's gotta be home by 7:00 a.m.

- Why is he on hold?

- It's confidential.

Oh, it's confidential, Casey.

Give me that.

Hey! Give that back immediately!

Give me that! You, stop!

My God, look how many times

he's been in here, man.

Give that back to me,

you little sh*t!

Oh, my God.

"Patient was brought in

for attempted murder.

Later determined his weapon

misfired during a suicide attempt."

JeffChang tried to

commit suicide?

Get out. Now!

Dude, what the f*** is going on?

I mean, JeffChang

was always the happy one.

What were we supposed to do?

He didn't tell us anything.

Dude, look, f*** that. OK?

We are his best friends, and he

felt like he couldn't even call us.

That sucks.

We suck.

What happened, man?

We used to be so close and...

Ah, f***.

- Thanks, Erin.

- No problem, Gary. See you next time.

Jesus, not The Chief again.

What's up, Chief?

Oh, hey, dudes.

How was your night?

- Pretty terrible, actually.

- Tell me about it.

I ripped two sheets of LSD

and spent the whole night

dancing in front of

my house again.

Now I gotta go teach.

Wait. Did The Chief

just say he was

dancing in front of his house

the whole night?

- Yeah, so what?

- That's it!

- What's it?

- Oh, my God, that's it!

What's it? What are you

talking about?

OK. So, the first time

we saw The Chief

was in front of

JeffChang's place, right?

And then we saw him

like nine more times.

Right, and we thought that he was just

wandering around campus all night

just like we were.

But what if he wasn't?

What if The Chief was in the exact

same place the entire time?

Then that would mean we walked past

JeffChang's place a dozen times.

- Oh, my God!

- Yes, and that's why JeffChang

kept mumbling those

Indian chants.

It was because he was trying

to tell us where he lived.

It's like The Da Vinci Code

except it makes sense.

Oh, my God, we are officially

the two biggest morons

- in the entire world.

- Yeah. Hey, Chief, where do you live?

- Um... Fifth and Broadway.

- Fifth and Broadway.

All right, so wait,

here's what we gotta do.

- We gotta break JeffChang out.

- Break him out.

- Get him home, gotta get him sober...

- Sober him up.

...and then we gotta

get him showered and dressed

before his dad shows up,

which is in 36 minutes.

- That sounds totally impossible.

- Yeah?

Well, I'm not gonna

let JeffChang down again.

No, let's get that

little f***er home.

Wait, wait.

Are we best friends again?

- No.

- Right. No, I'm not either.

Cool.

Hey, hey, you can't be in here!

Come on!

- JeffChang!

- JeffChang!

- JeffChang!

- God, God!

- JeffChang!

- JeffChang!

Have you seen a little Asian with

sh*t on his face? No? Thank you.

- JeffChang!

- JeffChang!

Hey, he's in here!

Nice!

We're gonna break you out,

buddy.

- JeffChang!

- He's barely coherent.

Man, how're we gonna get him outta here?

There's like

orderlies everywhere!

Casey.

I just had an awesome idea.

This is definitely

not an awesome idea.

It'll be fine.

I've done this a thousand times.

No, that's what

you said last time.

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