21 & Over Page #8

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You know,

the boy's a little nuts.

Coming from a man in a diaper,

eating a banana.

OK, I get it.

I might not look

like your average dude. OK?

That's for sure.

- But I've got b*tches

and I've got goblets and

I wake up in the morning happy.

Miller...

- Your nipples are just

- looking right at me.

- What the f***, man?

- Uh, thanks for nothing.

- OK.

- PJ Brill, you f***ing weirdo.

Let's get out of here.

Have some beer, have some milk.

I'll try to get iPods for you guys next time.

That'd be great, right?

This is bullshit.

You don't think JeffChang actually

tried to kill someone, do you?

No, I don't. I think JeffChang is fine.

I think everything is fine.

- Look at that a**hole.

- Yeah, what an idiot.

- Wait. Is that JeffChang?

What is he wearing?

Oh, my God, he's drinking again.

- F*** me!

- Move.

- JeffChang! We're coming!

- Put the bottle down, buddy!

Yeah!

Mommy, look at me dance!

Look at me dance!

Look at me dance!

- Holy sh*t!

- Oh, my God.

Suck my dick, bear!

Suck my motherfucking dick,

bear!

Yeah!

Hey, chipmunk, hey,

I'm one of the good guys.

We're gonna get you

some clothes, OK?

It's all gonna be OK.

You'll never catch me alive.

Ah, f***!

F***!

I'm gonna kick his ass!

We're not gonna kick your ass! We

do need you to come back, though!

Whoo!

Oh, sh*t! Lookit...

- It's the big bad po-po!

- Get down, sir.

Get down immediately.

- What are you doing, sir?

- I think he's getting down.

- Yeah, I know, I see that.

- I'm just saying, technically,

he's doing what

you asked him to do.

What the f***?

OK, sir,

please remove yourself...

He's our friend!

What the hell is this?

- Dr. Chang! Hi. What are you...

- Hey.

- It's so good to see you, man!

- Great to see you.

Where's my son?

He's home. He's in bed.

He's sleeping.

- Why don't I believe you?

- Because you're suspicious and mean?

- I'm sorry.

- Yeah, touch my f***ing ass, dude!

Come on! OK. OK.

Hey! Why are you asking about

Jeffrey? Is everything OK?

I have reason to believe that the

three of you have been out drinking.

What? No. We put Jeff to bed at

like nine o'clock, right, Miller?

Yeah, we watched Cold Case, made

paninis and then went to bed.

Yeah, then Miller and I came out

for a drink, or nine.

What?

Your parents must be

so proud of you.

- Get him!

- Free OJ!

- Free the dolphins!

- Hm...!

F*** you, cop!

- Oh, my God.

- F***.

Oh, you kids today.

Every one of you is spoiled,

drunk and fat!

- Oh, my God, right?

- Thank you, sir.

- Appreciate it.

Look.

- Miller, look.

- F*** that!

Here are tonight's winners.

Jesus.

I feel like someone should

break those two up, right?

Do you see your friend or what?

No, is there anywhere else

you might have taken him?

- Jeffrey Reginald Chang?

- Yeah.

- Ooh...

- What? What is it?

They've taken him to

Health Services.

- What does that mean?

- I wouldn't want to speculate.

Look, I'm sure he's OK.

No, he's not OK, Miller.

He could be in a coma.

- You understand that?

- No, yeah. Absolutely.

All right, how do we get

to Health Services?

- You're gonna wanna go...

- I can take you.

Who are you? Why is she

wearing an orange vest?

I'm Cara.

I'm a campus security escort.

- Why don't you come with me?

- Of course you are.

- I will come with you. Casey.

- What?

- She's an escort. Whatever.

- She not that kind of escort.

No, I love the name Cara. In

fact, my mother's name is Cara.

Your mother's name is Beth.

Everybody knows that.

Yeah, but I call her Cara,

sometimes.

But, Cara, where are

your people from? Italy?

- Mexico.

- Latinas.

- Whoa... ladies...

- Whoa, whoa, whoa...

A lot of Latinas. Ladies,

let's just talk about this.

- What the f***?

- What the f***, dude?

Where the f*** are we?

I don't like this.

- What are you freaks looking at?

- Why are we here?

- What the f*** is going on right now?

- I don't want to be here.

- Why aren't you guys saying anything?

- Holy sh*t, dude.

- We are shackled.

- Why are we shackled?

- Why are you wearing a f***ing tube sock?

- Why are you wearing a sock?

- They match. Whose socks are these?

- We are so f***ed.

Welcome to the Tribunal of Justice.

- What?

These two men stand accused

of infiltrating our sacred home,

violating the dignity

of two of our pledges,

and destroying our

award-winning rose garden.

Look, if I could just

respond to all that...

- What sayest the sisterhood?

Guilty as charged!

OK, look, in our

country, America,

usually there's like a trial

and some evidence and sh*t!

- You're not just guilty.

- The punishment shall match the crime.

The aggrieved may enter

the circle of vengeance.

The circle of what? Hold on.

Holy sh*t, look who it is.

Holy sh*t, these chicks

are gonna tear us up.

Assume the position.

- Wait, actually, you know what?

I didn't even spank them. That was all him.

I wasn't even...

- What are you...?

- F*** you, dude. I'm sorry.

Punishment grows more severe

every second you delay.

- Ready, sister?

- Ready.

Assume the position.

- OK, OK, OK.

- Oh, my God.

OK, Chantelle, I have a rare skin

condition on my upper thighs,

so if you could

just avoid that area.

- Oh, yeah, totally.

- Thanks, Chantelle.

I'll totally watch it

while I just...

Oh, my God, holy sh*t!

- Oh, my God!

Ow! Ow!

You just had to f*** with these girls, didn't you?

Holy sh*t! Yeah, when a lady asks you

to spank her ass, you spank that ass!

Oh, great. You know what? You

are f***ing unbelievable, man!

- It's called having manners, Casey!

- F*** my face!

Enough. Turn around.

It hurts. It hurts.

It hurts.

Look, Goat Mask Lady...

Please.

- I mean, like, we're really sorry.

- Yeah.

We're just trying to get

our friend JeffChang home.

- Justice has been served...

- Oh, thank God.

...for the first offense.

- What?

- To address the second offense,

the offenders will

now commence making out.

- Oh, f***! Yeah, right.

- What?

You guys really

don't want to see that.

That's a joke, that's

disgusting. You're weird.

The longer you wait,

the longer the kiss.

- Look, there's no way I'm kissing him.

- Yeah I'm sorry, that's just...

All those who want to see the

offenders kiss, stomp your feet.

That's unfair! Clearly we're outnumbered.

Yeah, OK, look, you guys

can stomp your feet all you want,

there's no way I'm

making out with a dude!

Do it. Or be forever branded

with the mark of the sisterhood.

Holy sh*t.

Dude, I can't get branded.

I'm gonna like not be able to get

buried in a Jewish cemetery or...

F*** it.

Really?

F*** it, dude.

I just... I wish you were wearing more

than a tube sock, but f*** it, baby.

I really wish you

didn't call me baby.

OK.

- Tongue?

- Of course, tongue.

Really? You had

to f***ing ask for tongue?

I'm sorry, that was stupid.

- Oh, grab his boobie.

- You never even did that.

Do it, offender.

Dude, are you getting

a chubby right now?

Dude, I can't help it. You're

actually kind of a good kisser.

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