21 & Over Page #3

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It's pretty cool.

- You know? It's not that cool.

- Wait.

So, on the last spring break of

your entire life, you're working?

Yeah, why? Aren't we supposed

to be starting our lives?

- Did your mom tell you that?

- Yeah, my mom did tell me that.

- She did?

- Yeah. Why you hating on my mama?

No, it's just...

I mean, look around. OK?

In ten years, everyone in this

bar will be married with kids,

driving to some boring job

in a f***ing minivan.

I mean, we got to do as much crazy

sh*t as we can before then.

No, yeah, exactly.

I totally agree.

We're not too big on crazy here,

are we?

What? No, I'm a huge

proponent of the crazy.

Are you kidding?

I'm the mayor of Crazyville.

- Oh, my God, you're such a dork.

- No! Are you...?

What? Check it. Look, V-neck

sweater with an un-tucked shirt.

My sh*t is bananas, girl.

I'm just saying, the point is, is that

he's changed and I can tell

that you're upset by it.

- I'm not upset. I'm not.

- Yeah, you are.

OK, whatever, message received.

I'm gonna talk to him.

- Dude, no.

- This can't go on. He's hurting you.

- He's hurting both of us.

- You don't need to talk to him.

Holy sh*t, dude!

- F*** me!

That's awesome.

It went all the way through.

I can see it.

Oh, my God. Hey, hey...

Oh, my God, I am so sorry, man.

- I'm so sorry.

- Problem, homeboy?

- No, no. Here, let me take a look.

- Get your hands off me!

- I'm gonna be a medical student. I'll just check...

- Back off!

- Hey, hey, hey! Step Up, 3D. Take a step back.

- Miller, help me.

- You want to fight?

- Calm down. Nobody wants to dance, OK?

- It was an accident.

- Sorry, we won't touch you. It was an accident.

Oh, well, guys, I guess

it was just an accident.

You know, my face

doesn't even hurt anymore,

now that I know that

it's an accident.

I mean, accidents, they happen all

the time when you're drinking.

People get hit by things

like flying darts...

- What's happening?

- ...and flying stools.

What are you doing with the bar stool?

What, you're gonna throw it at us?

Jesus Christ, man! Are you OK?

Now if I ever see

you f***ing tampons again,

I will come at you like

a f***ing spider monkey!

I'll rip your face off, b*tch.

- I think we should get the f*** out of here.

- Yeah, let's get

- the f*** out of here.

- Let's get the f*** out of here.

Wow, you seriously

need to get laid.

I know, what do you think

I'm trying to do right now?

- Oh, really, is that what this is?

- Yeah.

- Why, how am I doing? Is it not...

- Eh...

Do you have any, like, notes or comments or anything?

- We gotta go.

- What? No, I'm talking to Nicole.

That's a really great story.

We gotta go.

- Yeah.

- No, I'm not going.

We need to get out of this bar.

OK, what could have possibly went down in

there that you had to pull me away from her?

What? Dude, that wasn't gonna happen.

She's a hard nine, you are a soft six.

- Oh, what the f***, man?

- Wow.

- Sh*t.

- OK, where we going? Let's go.

No, man, it's eleven o'clock.

We're done.

OK. OK.

Oh, dude, there's like 20 bars nearby.

That's awesome. Let's do it.

No, we gotta get JeffChang home, man.

His dad is gonna f***ing flip.

What are you? A p*ssy?

- That's awesome.

- You f***ing p*ssy!

How many f***in' shots

did you give him in there?

Relax, OK? He drank us both

under the table in high school.

- Yeah, I remember.

- Oh, sh*t, the Galway.

These f***ers have been

carding me for years.

Whoa! JeffChang! Car!

- F***ers!

- What the hell? Where is he going?

All right, dude, relax, one more bar

and then we'll go home. I promise.

- All right. She was cute, right?

- Yeah, she was cute.

- She's just not my type.

- What is your type?

Girls that wanna

have sex with me.

- ID?

- Oh.

You got ID or not, man? Just

come back when you hit puberty.

Twenty-one. Blackjack,

motherf***er!

- Whatever, just go the f*** inside.

- What?

- What? What?

- You're good, go in.

Where are the white women at?

Drink, drink, drink, drink!

Yeah!

Take it off, yeah!

Oh...

Oh, my God!

Holy sh*t, dude! Stop pissing!

Stop pissing! Stop it!

What the hell are you doing?

I'll just talk to myself.

Awesome.

Man, this is ridiculous.

Miller, we have to get him home.

- Three waters, please.

- Dude, it's too late.

- Come on, come on, come on

- Oh, I feel it in my soul

That fun is on my mind

I know we've got the time

to come together

Hey!

Our good time's gonna flow

That tingle down my spine

We're gonna make this time

last forever

- Party over here

- Come on

- I said there's a party over here

- Come on

Come on everybody

over here

Come on, come on

Come on, come on, come on

Go, go, go, go

- They're gonna need a new bull.

- This is not funny.

Yeah, let's put him down.

He's really heavy.

Oh, my God.

JeffChang's dad is gonna

f***ing honor kill him

if we don't get him

to that interview.

Relax, he's gonna be fine, man.

Let's just get him home.

Yeah, so where are we?

How do I feel like

none of this looks familiar?

Did we come from...?

JeffChang, where do you live?

- Home...

- Yeah, home, how do we get home, bud?

- Suck my sh*t.

OK, hey, hey.

Get you home, we can get you rested.

Just give us your address, buddy.

We'll get you a good night's

sleep, a nice cup of coffee.

Dude, that's not gonna work.

You gotta shake him.

- What?

- Wake up, a**hole!

- Tell us where you live.

- Didn't you...?

I know that you're in there

and I know that you can hear me.

- Didn't you have his address?

- Yeah, I do, uh...

It's back at his apartment,

though.

All right, well,

maybe it's in his wallet?

Yeah, check his wallet.

He's really passed out, man.

No, that's his parents' address.

I know that one. F***!

- Yeah, let's call his parents.

- Yeah, let's.

Let's call Dr. Chang, the scariest man

in the entire world, and be like,

"Hey, what's going on,

Dr. Chang?

We took your son out, got him shitfaced and

totally ruined his future. Oops. Sorry."

OK, look, Casey, we don't know

where JeffChang lives. OK?

We don't know anybody who knows

where JeffChang lives,

- so it seems like...

- Wait. Oh, my God. Nicole.

Dude, stop thinking

with your penis.

No, no, no. Nicole,

she's friends with JeffChang.

- She might know where he lives.

- OK, cool. Did you get her number?

- No.

- No, because you can't close.

No, because you pulled me away

from her before I f***ing could.

- You know that.

- You could never close.

She was closeable.

I would've closed.

- JeffChang could've closed.

- You know what? Nicole lives in a sorority.

If we could find her sorority

house, we could find her.

OK, Casey, there's 40,000

people at this university.

There is no way that I'm gonna

go looking for one person,

who may or may not

know where he lives.

That is dumb. No. No.

"No." No, never.

Oh, sh*t

- Oh, sh*t

- Oh, sh*t

Oh, little Sally Walker,

sitting in a saucer

Oh, how I tossed that ass

Like a mission in the woods Woody

Woodpecker would if he could

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