21 & Over Page #6

---

- Give me your f***ing phone, Randy!

- Put the f***ing gun away, OK?

- No, dude, you know what? I know guns.

- That sh*t ain't even real.

- Huh? Is this real?

Yeah, baby, kick his ass, Randy!

- Yeah, boy! F*** him up!

- Yeah, beat his ass, Randy!

Break a leg, baby!

Oh, sh*t, Randy.

I got it, I got the phone.

- Pussies!

- Where the hell are you going?

- Hey!

- Get up, Randy. Let's get him, Randy!

Move, move, get out the way!

Watch it!

F***!

F***!

There he is! I see him!

Yeah, we got you now!

You're cornered, dude!

- We're gonna f*** up your face!

Miller!

Get in, get in, get in!

Hey! I'm in, I'm in!

Go, go, go!

Find 'em? All right, go. Look for them.

Come on, I want...

That was so dumb. That was so dumb.

This Randy guy's a massive douche, but

I actually really like his phone.

Just tell me that JeffChang's

address is in there.

OK, Jeffrey Reginald Chang.

- Four-nineteen Oak Street, number two.

- Oh, thank God.

And that is located... six blocks away.

And boom goes the dynamite.

- Nice. Finally!

- Nice.

Finally.

We're gonna get you home, buddy.

- I'm glad we didn't ruin his life.

- He's still breathing, right?

Who cares?

Oh, go straight here.

OK, so this is good. We're

gonna have him home by four.

He'll be able to nap it out for a few

hours and be good to go by seven.

His a**hole father

will never know.

Hello? Honey, I told you.

I knocked on his door,

he didn't answer.

I called his cell phone. He didn't pick up.

- Oh, man, he's gonna pay for this.

- Why didn't you wake him up?

No, he's not asleep. He's out here.

I can feel it in my knee.

So, what about that buffalo,

you think it's OK?

- No, they're gonna kill it.

- Really?

Buffalos only live for like

three years anyway, man.

- Whoa! Was that The Chief again?

- Yes, it is.

Stay awesome, Chief!

- Hey!

- You driving? Because I'm driving

And if not then

I can give you a ride in

We can slide to where you're

closing your eyelids

Energy is cool

plus you a stylist

Yeah, just put a quarter

in the jukebox

And let me see you shake

your little thang

Let me see you shake your little thang

Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!

- Oh, my God. Oh, God!

- Whoo-hoo!

- Oh, sh*t! Oh, sh*t!

- Whoo!

Awesome.

- You were right, man. Golf carts go down stairs.

Holy sh*t, I f***ing love college, man.

I don't know why I ever left.

Wait, what?

What?

Did you drop out of college?

It's me, man. You can tell me whatever you want.

I'm not gonna make a big deal.

- OK, yeah, I dropped out of college.

- What?

- Two years ago.

- Two...

What have you been doing

for f***ing two years?

I work at a gas station, man.

I get, you know, free snacks.

I get free smokes.

Like, I hang out

with my boy Varaj... Varag.

You have a boy "Varaj"?

- Yeah, he's pretty...

- This is... Oh, my God.

Dude, look, Casey, I don't know why

you're acting so surprised, man.

Like, I'm not JeffChang,

I'm not you.

I wasn't gonna do

awesome stuff with my life.

- Like... this is what's up.

- OK. What a cop-out.

You're one of the smartest

people I've ever met.

Really?

- Top 25. Whatever, man.

- F*** you.

- You aced your SAT's, right?

- Yeah.

And remember Mary what's-her-name?

The hot born-again chick?

No one could get near her, and then you

stole third base with her at the book fair.

- She liked to read.

- I know. I don't know what you said to her,

but it must have

been pretty smart.

Uh... I told her I had leukemia.

That's actually pretty dark.

Whatever, man. The point is

you're really smart.

- You're just lazy as f***.

- Yeah.

- I'm not bullshitting, man.

- I know, you're right.

I just gotta get my sh*t

together, man.

I just gotta

get my sh*t together.

I miss you, dude.

We don't really get to talk

like this much anymore.

Look, maybe I could take

a couple weeks off this summer

and catch up with you guys

at the Sidewinder Festival.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, man.

- That's awesome, Casey!

- I miss you guys too.

Dude, I'm gonna f*** so much unwashed

hippie ass it's gonna be embarrassing.

- Right.

- I like the hippie chicks, man.

They don't shave their legs.

That means they have

a huge bush and you know me...

- Yeah, you love bushes. Yeah.

- I like a good bush. F***.

OK, JeffChang's apartment

is right up here on the left.

Nice. We got you home, buddy.

- This doesn't look right.

- What the sh*t is this?

- You sure this is the right address?

- Yeah.

Must be an old address.

- F***.

- F***.

All right, well, come on,

let's go inside.

Maybe someone in his old room

knows where he lives now.

Tonight, tonight is the night

that we're losing control

Tonight is the night,

tonight is the night

Jesus.

Look at this place, man.

Yeah, these nerds

know how to party, bro!

Oh, dude, Beer Pong?

We gotta play. We gotta play.

Yeah, man. That would be great,

but we got some sh*t to do.

Hey, your elbow's

over the table!

- Shut up, you piece of sh*t!

- Hey, f*** you, man!

- Watch your elbow, a**hole!

- Thirty seconds...

- I'm gonna kick that guy's ass!

Dude, what is wrong with you?

- Oh, my God. You are so cute.

- Hello. Oh, my God.

Bang on my door one more f***ing time

and I'll claw your f***ing eyes out.

- What?

- Whoa.

OK, um... Do you know this guy?

Why, because I'm Asian?

We don't all know each other,

you racist mother...

Oh, wait, I do know this guy.

Yeah, he used to live here.

Do you know where he lives now?

No, I used to live across the hall

and he never talked to anyone.

- Of course he didn't.

- That's why I was shocked when the cops came

- and arrested his b*tch ass.

- Wait, what?

What would the cops

possibly want with JeffChang?

I don't f***ing know, but he moved out

after that and I never saw him again.

What is going on with JeffChang?

Motherf***er took

my laundry detergent.

He's packing heat, he's failing out

of school, and now he's a criminal?

Maybe he's a Yakuza or something. This

chick is really f***ing turning me on.

Do you have a forwarding address

for JeffChang?

Yeah, yeah, no, I do.

No, you f***ing cock lickers.

You could check with our RA.

He might know.

- Your RA, where is your RA? Miller!

- What, the f***...

Top floor. His name is PJ Brill and

he's throwing this f***ing party

- if you could believe that.

- She has such a mouth on her.

- I believe it. I believe it.

- Yeah, and when you see the beaver muncher,

tell him to get all the titties

and butt-f***ers out of my foyer.

I got f***ing field hockey

tomorrow.

- Oh, here we go.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Where do you think you're going?

- We're going up.

- No way. Tower of Power, dude.

What?

- What's the Tower of Power?

- Yeah.

You gotta win the event on each

floor to move up a level. Hey.

You have to be kidding me.

- Nope.

- OK, how many levels are there?

- There's eight.

OK, we just need to talk

to this guy named PJ Brill?

PJ Brill is Tower Master.

You wanna talk to him,

you gotta get to the top level.

- How do big dumb animals like you even get into college?

Rate this script:3.0 / 2 votes