22 Jump Street Page #10

He didn't do anything.

Wait, wait. What are you doing?

What are you doing?

I, um...

I decided for you.

Just stick with football.

I can't give you the same

feeling that these guys can.

Maybe we were only

supposed to do this once.

What?

Dude, this is the f***ing

best moment of my life!

Let's go, man!

Mcquaid! Mcquaid! Mcquaid!

Hey, Maya Angelou.

Thanks for lying to me.

Aw.

Lam-bros! Yes!

Brad Mcquaid! Brad Mcquaid!

Brad Mcquaid! Brad...

How are we doing tonight, sir?

Good, thanks.

Are we waiting on anybody

or you dining alone?

Someone may swing

by, but we can...

We can order without them.

We have identified and arrested one Dr.

Karl Murphy,

who was found with whyphy

residue throughout his office...

...and had a close personal

relationship with the deceased.

Exactly like a case we had

recently at a high school.

Exactly the same.

The case is closed.

You know, like, what you're Gonna

do after you're out of here?

You're not supposed

to throw rocks.

What?

You're not supposed

to throw rocks.

I ain't missing you at all

since you've been gone away

the lobster for one person.

Enough for one person only.

No matter what my friends say

I found something in this whyphy

case that caught my attention.

Get the f*** out of my office.

Sir, you don't...

We caught the guy.

Yeah! Yeah!

Hey, you want to do anything

else other than work out today?

Like what?

Come on, dude. They're

just lobsters, dude.

Come on. No, don't be afraid.

It's Gonna claw your face.

It's Gonna claw your face.

It's Gonna be like this, dude,

for the rest of our lives.

down this long

distance line tonight

I ain't missing you at all

since you've been gone away

I ain't missing you

no matter what my friends say

ain't missing you

hey. Hey.

What are you doing here?

Just came to see how you are.

I'm doing f***ing great.

I'm the happiest I've ever been,

so I'm just having a

great time with myself.

I'm glad you're having a

good time with yourself.

I'm a solo artist

now, like Beyonce.

I used to have the other destiny's

children, but now I'm just, uh,

a lone superstar.

Happy for you.

Just a light-skinned Princess with

a dream and an amazing voice.

That's great.

How are you?

I'm pretty great.

I just chill and... You

know how chill Zook is.

Zook's such a chill guy.

Just like ice.

That makes me so happy for you.

So, look, I just wanted

to say that, like,

I was thinking about the case,

and I was worried that they

got the wrong guy for it.

I don't think he's

the guy, either.

Yeah?

I looked into the

ghost's background,

and I saw that he pays tuition

for a student at mc state.

You think the ghost could

be the supplier's dad?

Maybe.

Okay, that's a pretty good

piece of information.

Thank you.

Well, I heard whyphy's

coming back in a big way.

Someone's bringing a

sh*t-ton of that stuff

down to Puerto, Mexico,

for spring break.

And if that happens,

whyphy is going viral.

It's Gonna be at every

college in the country.

I think my information

was stronger.

Look, if you... If you want to,

we could go down there.

Like together?

We don't have to

put a label on it.

Just, like, one-time.

One-time thing.

No big commitment or

stress to each other.

What about school and football

and your wonderful new life?

I have time off.

I'm on spring break.

Cool tingling.

Got room for one

of these babies.

A grenade. Why you

Gonna put it there?

That's just unsanitary.

Feels right.

Missed a spot.

You know this is just a

one-time thing, right?

I know.

So you're not Gonna

be weird about this?

Okay.

Perfect.

Spring break, motherf***er.

Did you not see that I was going first?

Excuse you.

Excuse you. You

want to go first?

Spring break, motherfuckers!

I be divin' in the crowd

shake my dreads, actin' wild

can't do lean, too blowed out

too turned up,

I can't turn down

can't turn down

can't turn down

can't turn down

hey.

All I wanna do is party

my head keep on

spinning around

baby girl, why

don't you first

drop it to the ground

I be divin' in the crowd

shake my dreads, actin' wild

can't do lean, too blowed out

too turned up,

I can't turn down

can't turn down

can't turn down

can't turn down

can't turn down

can't turn down

can't turn down

can't turn down

can't turn down

my gosh! I'm sweaty.

You guys are actually

eating stuff in here?

That's so crazy.

Come on, man, put

your dick away.

Put your f***ing dick away.

Upstairs, upstairs. Let's go.

Okay, so here's the plan.

We're Gonna get all these kids at

spring break hooked on whyphy.

Then you're Gonna bring

it back to your turf,

and you're Gonna sell

the sh*t out of it.

"Sell sh*t out of

it." Do you see that?

And if you rat me out, I framed my psych

prof just for giving me a b-minus.

He's in jail now, so

don't f*** with me.

We're Gonna build a

nationwide network.

What? What the f*** are you doing?

Be quiet.

Why don't you sell those

old classic drugs

from the '90s, like

cocaine, heroin and...

Dad, those are, like,

old-people drugs.

That's, like, what they

did on the golden girls.

Like, blanche did heroin.

All right, I'll just sit

here and be silent.

Blanche never did heroin.

Okay, so, Yangs, you'll take

my dead roommate's spot.

Cool. Dope.

Are you kidding me, Yangs?

Are you f***ing high?

Of course. Yeah, I am.

Jesus Christ, have

you ever heard of,

"don't get high on

your own supply"?

We didn't. Nah.

I didn't do that.

Yeah, I used his

and he used mine.

Okay, well, now I have to make

a f***ing example out of you.

That's a gun. Yeah.

Who first?

You want to go first?

I don't want to die.

You die... I don't want to die.

You want to do rock paper scissors?

Rock paper scissors?

That's how we'll do it.

That's how we'll do it.

F***.

F***.

F***.

Yeah, we won't figure this out.

- I'll shoot both of you.

- Darling.

If you're going into

the family business,

you will have to

have a clean record.

That's why we have these

guys to do it for us.

Oh, f***. Jinx.

We got to move right now.

Buy me a coke in heaven.

Jinx again.

Put your guns down!

F***ing guns down!

Doug?

My name's not Doug,

it's Schmidt.

And guess what, we're cops.

Boom.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, everybody knows. Really?

You guys look like the stars of a

cop show called Hawaiian dads.

All right, enough is enough.

Boys, move in!

- Oh, do we have company?

- Yeah!

Drop your guns.

Drop yours first.

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