22 Jump Street Page #9

This look like some sh*t iron man

would have. Sh*t's expensive!

I got on $800 shoes, and you can't

even see the motherfuckers.

So now you two motherfuckers

is in the crosshairs.

I'm warning you,

find the supplier,

but don't cost the

department no more money.

Look, I apologize

about the Zook thing.

You were right, he's

not the dealer.

Okay, great. You apologized.

What's that worth, man?

Now we have no leads. What

are we supposed to do now?

Police work.

F***.

Don't throw a f***ing dead

person's dildo at me.

We're at work right now, okay?

Kids don't check out

books anymore, right?

I don't even think

they know how to read.

Library. Book place.

Library.

The supplier is putting drugs

inside the books in the library,

where literally no one

goes anymore, man.

And the dealers check

out the books.

We're going to catch

the supplier.

Do you realize how cool...

Wait, one sec, one sec.

What's up, dude?

Hey, dude, where are you?

We're warming up. The

game's about to start.

All right, man. Um,

look, I'm just Gonna...

I'm coming.

All right, later.

What are you doing?

Don't leave me hanging.

Dude, I got to go or I'm

Gonna blow my cover, okay?

You can do this alone.

I'll be back in two hours.

You got this.

You scared me.

State name! Number! State name!

Number!

Color! Color! Number!

This is the place.

You'd think if somebody wants

to show us their operation,

they'd at least be on time.

Look at this crap. Huh?

I do miss the days... Sh*t.

What's he doing here? ...When

people did normal drugs.

What is this? Jelly beans?

Crap!

Set, hut!

Mcquaid crosses

in an end-around.

It's a trick play! These two are

practically interchangeable.

Mcquaid throws down

the field to haythe.

And he hangs on

for the touchdown!

These two are peas

in a pod, Bob,

but instead of

little green balls,

they are human

football players.

Let's hear it once again, mc

state, for your dynamic duo.

Oh, sh*t. My brother

needs me again.

Look, you know, loyalty's cool,

and I admire it,

and I know he's your brother.

But you can't allow yourself

to be held down by a guy

just because he won't let go.

Yeah. Um...

I gotta take a piss.

The kid's pretty rude to

make us wait like this.

Can you shut it?

What's wrong with those

classic drugs from the '90s?

Heroin, you know, cocaine...

Hey, hey. Whoa. Sh*t.

I'm f***ing here.

You happy? Shh!

The ghost is right there, okay?

He's about to meet up

with the supplier.

- Hey. Check that out.

- You shush.

You're the one f***ing talking.

You're being so f***ing loud.

You shut the f*** up.

- What's going on here?

- Sh*t!

Um...

You're interrupting a

really stellar blow job.

Oh, f***, I just came so hard!

What the hell is going on?

It's okay. It's just

a couple of faggots.

Hey, Yo, what the f***

did you just say?

Did you just call us "faggots"?

He said you were

sucking his dick.

It's 2014, a**hole.

You can't f***ing use "f*ggot."

"Gay" is okay.

"Homosexual," maybe.

And if you know the person, you might

be able to call them a "queer."

If they have a great sense

of humor, but I don't.

I'm sorry, he took one

human sexuality class,

he thinks he's Harvey milk.

Oh, my God. Will you please,

just for once, just back me up?

Why can't you just use

your head for once?

Oh. You want me to use my head?

Fine.

Oh, yeah, what's up

now, motherfuckers?

You remember me?

I'm your best night...

I'm your worst nightmare.

Oh, man, it's my memory.

It's getting worse lately.

Are you the police?

Yeah, that's right. And you

motherfuckers are all under arrest.

Where's your gun?

What? Do you have guns?

No.

No, I don't.

'Cause we have guns.

Well, why don't you put your guns

down, and let's fight like men?

Because we have guns.

Schmidt, run! Get him!

Go! Go, go. Go!

Sh*t!

How hard can it be? Shoot them!

F***, f***, f***!

Shoot them! Shoot them!

Come on, this way, it's faster.

No, just come this...

Schmidt! Schmidt!

Hurry up, okay?

Schmidt, will you hurry up!

Stop yelling at me!

You're distracting me!

Schmidt, come on! Let's go!

I can't jump down! I'm not,

like, f***ing spider-man!

I'm Gonna get the car.

Stairs are so much faster.

That's the car you got?

I'm sorry it's not a f***ing lambo.

Shut up and get in.

Are they even still chasing us?

Yes, they're still chasing us!

Why did you do that? We were

about to catch the supplier.

What's wrong with you?

Look, if you don't

say something,

people will never

stop discriminating.

Will you please do something

about how slow this

thing's going?

Oh, sh*t! Watch out, watch out!

That is just like a

little helmet machine.

We can't destroy any more stuff!

We can't waste any more of

the department's money!

Watch out for that cash machine!

Whoo!

Which way? Which way? Which way?

Whichever way's cheaper!

Right? You went right?

You could've gone

in a parking lot,

you went to the

sculpture garden?

Do you know how expensive

that's Gonna be?

Sh*t!

It's like they're trying

to hit 'em or something.

I mean, it looks cool,

but, I mean, it's

just so wasteful.

They're destroying everything!

Captain's Gonna kill us!

What are we Gonna do?

All right, we're Gonna lose

'em in the robotics lab.

What?

Oh, no! Oh, we broke everything!

There was a lot of

expensive stuff in there!

Oh, sh*t!

They're going into the stadium!

Listen, Schmidt, I gotta

tell you something.

I got offered a scholarship

to play football here next year.

And Zook said I could

room with him, you know,

so I was thinking that I

could do that, maybe.

What? You can't be a cop

and stay here and play

football with Zook.

No, look, I know, okay?

It's just...

There's no friction with me and Zook.

We're the same.

Do you want out? If you

want out, just say it.

No, I don't want out, okay?

It's just, when I'm

on the football field

and I'm diving for a pass,

I feel like I can fly.

All right? And

when I'm with you,

it just feels like

you hold me down.

I just wish you

could fly with me.

And the statesmen win, 34-14.

And there go the

fans onto the field.

Jenko!

Jesus Christ!

Dude, the brakes are out. What?

Get the f*** out of the way!

You gotta jump. You

gotta jump, jump, jump!

No.

F***!

Let's go, boss. We gotta go.

You did it! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

You're under arrest, sir.

Hey, I'm an officer, all right?

Just take me in.

I'll explain later.

No, no, no. Hey, he's a student.

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