22 Jump Street Page #8

All right? All right?

Yeah. Yeah.

All night, bro. Come on. All night.

Yeah, I know.

It's Gonna be so worth it, dude.

It's Gonna be f***ing worth

it, I promise, all right?

Dude, you know what this needs?

Another star wipe.

Jinx. Buy me a beer.

Nice twist.

On what?

I can't believe we've

been talking all night.

Oh, my God, it's 8:00. I

have class, actually.

Okay. I...

Yeah, you can help yourself

to whatever you need, and...

All right.

Yeah, I'm so sorry, this...

I'll see you.

I'll see you later.

Okay. Best night ever.

Okay. Bye.

Bye.

How long have you been there?

Like, the longest amount of time

you could think of right now.

This stuff wasn't meant for you.

It was meant to be private.

So, am I supposed to just

sit here and not act like

I hear every one

of your problems?

You got 99 problems, but

being young isn't one.

You're just jealous because Maya

and I have a real connection.

I'm pretty close with

my grandpa, too.

You're more messed

up than Cynthia was,

and she went to the school

shrink three times a week.

Why? I don't know.

But he gave her a ton

of pills and sh*t.

Maybe he could give you something

for your weird old face.

Okay.

Hey. You're late.

No, actually, I was busy

with the investigation.

This is Cynthia's therapist's office.

This is our investigation.

All right.

Watch the door.

Oh, is that all I'm good for?

Just watching a f***ing door?

Got it.

"Patient exhibits

drug-induced paranoia.

"Believes her life

is in danger."

Uh, door, door.

Hey.

I wasn't told that I had a 9:00 A.M.

session.

Yeah, no, we're your 9:00 A.M.

that's us.

And we're cured.

Thank you very much.

You're an amazing doctor.

Please. You think you're

the first partners

only to try to run when you're

first faced with talking with me?

How the f*** did you

know we were partners?

He doesn't know we're partners.

I suspect you're partners.

A relationship is something

that requires constant work.

Which is what I thought we

learned in high school.

So you are high

school sweethearts.

I picked up on that early.

Please, continue the dialogue.

Doc.

I just feel like sometimes

he's not even trying anymore.

Like this isn't

even worth saving.

Oh, okay. Well,

sometimes I feel like

that we should be

more like the Yangs.

Or maybe I should be more

like your beautiful Zook.

Oh, go f*** yourself!

You go f*** yourself.

Okay. You're so selfish.

All right. That's a lot of f***ing.

Oh, my God.

sometimes I like to have the

participants make Physical contact.

Why don't you hold hands?

Okay. I'm not doing that.

Hmm? Do you see?

Reach out your hand.

I'm...

He's literally

reaching out for you.

He won't hold my hand.

I'm not doing it.

I kind of need you to do it.

He won't hold my hand.

Oh, you...

You got to interlock it, though.

If you don't interlock it,

it's not hand-holding.

Fine.

We might as well just be friends

and not partners.

Nice, right?

Okay, you see this?

This is strong.

What I want to be

able to have is this.

Is this...

I want to be able to have that,

that same thing, in, like

without actually

having to do it.

Are you embarrassed

of your partner?

No, not at all. Okay?

And why the f*** are you

guys ganging up on me?

Gang up on him. Okay, seriously.

Okay, okay. He's clingy.

He literally is terrified

of being by himself.

Look, I know Zook's your buddy

and you don't want

him to be guilty,

but he's our guy.

No, he's actually not our guy.

I would know.

Now, you know, we

sometimes cling to things

because they're familiar

and comfortable.

I teach about a principle

called embedding.

Look at the facts.

Matter of fact, I...

Zook has the tattoo.

He knew Cynthia.

I know the first

time he met you,

you dropped a f***ing

sandwich on his foot

and he smiled at you,

but you are completely

blind to the fact...

What'd you say embedding was?

Embedding?

Oh, embedding is our

tendency to latch on to

the first bit of information

that we're offered

and overlooking, or even ignoring,

contradictory information.

It's a fascinating principle...

Shut up. I'm thinking.

You think it's possible that

we embedded?

What, like when we were

drunk or something?

We embedded each other? Okay.

I'm Gonna recommend...

Okay, you can leave the room.

Just get the f*** out.

Get the f*** out. You heard him.

This took a turn.

One, two...

- Okay. Yep.

- Good session.

The first time we saw the photo

of Cynthia buying whyphy,

Dickson said, "this

guy's the dealer."

Everything we've done and thought

has been based on that fact,

but what if Dickson was wrong?

And we've ignored all

the other clues.

What if Cynthia

wasn't the buyer?

What if Cynthia was the dealer?

Captain, we have something really,

really important to tell you about.

Captain?

Are you wearing Kevlar?

Now, gentlemen, we're not

Gonna sit here and pretend

there's not a big-ass

elephant in the room.

What the f*** is going on?

This is what the

f*** is going on.

Oh, sh*t! Oh, sh*t!

Oh, sh*t! No!

That is not happening right now!

No!

Hey, y'all, he's f***ing the

captain's daughter! Yo!

Every time he say that sh*t...

Oh, my f***!

...that's another

foot in your ass.

Schmidt, you clearly... Yo,

this is the best thing ever!

Schmidt f***ed the

captain's daughter!

Schmidt f***ed the

captain's daughter!

Schmidt f***ed the

captain's daughter!

Sh*t! F***!

You f***ed captain

Dickson's daughter?

Captain, what the...

You bragged to him to his face.

To his actual face. Captain...

Do you understand that this face right

here, you bragged to that face?

You actually high-fived Schmidt

for f***ing your daughter.

Holy sh*t!

Oh, my God! This is...

It's really not that funny.

I just want to say that

it was bizarre not

to share the fact

that your daughter

went to mc state.

I think it's bizarre

that I haven't cut your

motherfucking nuts off.

What if captain gets to punch

you in the face one time,

really, really, really hard?

Nah.

I got something way

better than that.

You think Cynthia

was the dealer?

How the f*** we Gonna infiltrate

the dealer if the dealer is dead?

We have to stop treating this

like it's exactly the

same as last time.

And we got a bigger problem.

No more money in the budget.

What? I thought we

had Cate Blanchett.

Cate Blanchett?

Yeah, I thought we had Cate

Blanchett with the budget.

You mean "carte blanche."

That one.

Welcome back, dum-dum.

We did have carte blanche.

Not no more.

You got that expensive

chase in the beginning,

that expensive equipment,

this f***ing office...

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