22 Jump Street Page #6

cameras everywhere,

and we're Gonna monitor the

f*** out of what he's doing.

We can't just walk

into zeta house

and just put up a bunch

of f***ing cameras, okay?

There's dudes there everywhere.

All right, your plan is stupid.

I'm sorry.

My plan is stupid? That's interesting.

What... okay.

I'm, like, basically done

f***ing watching your sh*t

all the f***ing time.

Okay, yeah, exactly. I'm the

f***ing stupid one. Yeah.

Oh, that's really

f***ing stupid.

Man, it must be hard

being so different.

We're exactly the same. It makes

everything so much easier.

Guys, can you just

give us some space?

We're really trying to

figure something out,

and we need to focus, okay?

You're not Gonna have

trouble focusing, man.

Yeah, man, those krispie

treats got mad whyphy in them.

We made a batch for

the whole dorm, man.

I've eaten six of these.

Then you're Gonna be real focused.

Be real focused.

In about four hours,

you're Gonna be tripping.

You're fine. You're Gonna

be all right, man.

Who sold you whyphy?

Nobody sold it to us.

Yeah, man, Cynthia

gave us a butt load,

and in exchange, we wrote

her logic paper for her.

All right. All right, man,

we'll see you guys later.

Enjoy the food.

Maybe this is a good thing.

let's use that focus to figure out

a way to get into Zook's house.

You feel anything? No.

Do you feel anything?

No, but I have a super

high tolerance for...

I'm so focused.

I'm so focused, too.

You don't have to

be on top of me.

Yes, I do.

Why? Camouflage.

Go.

Let's go.

No f***ing way.

Okay, so no? Dane? All right.

Out, all right.

Bull's-eye. Bingo.

That helmet looks kind of lame.

You know what's not lame?

Safety.

What are you doing?

I'm cutting glass.

It's a laser pointer.

It can't cut glass. What?

That's no fun at all.

I'm so focused. Let's do this.

I'm so focused. Let's do this.

Give me another. I don't

have any more cameras.

You don't need to drill so many holes.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah, that one's perfect.

Okay, you can do that one.

I don't have any more cameras.

I've said it five times.

All right. Okay. That's

the last of 'em.

Time to prove that

Zook's the dealer.

Or not the dealer.

Next up is Brad Mcquaid.

Right? Yes.

Yes!

Obviously, right? I

mean, the guy's...

The guy's all-time. You

guys, let's be honest.

I mean, like, he was opening up

beer cans with his eyeballs.

That's so sweet of them.

So Brad... Brad's in.

Uh, Doug Mcquaid. No!

He's a bag of d*cks!

He's Brad's brother.

He follows him

around everywhere,

so I doubt we get

Brad without Doug.

That's not true. I have

a serious girlfriend.

I got a bad feeling about

this guy, dude. Why? Why?

I was talking to

him for a second.

He's got a big mouth, okay?

I feel like he could f***

this whole thing up for us.

See, you're f***ing this up.

You talk way too much.

That guy is harmless, dude.

Look at him, he's nice.

He looks like a 30-year-old

eighth grader.

He's Gonna be fine.

I'm just saying, the kid sucks.

Okay, and Brad. Brad

could be, like, our guy.

He could, like, be a

part of our thing.

"Our thing"? Yeah.

Shh. I'm trying to hear

them be nice about me.

This is f***ing bullshit. Sh*t!

Sh*t.

Is somebody up there?

Sh*t. We got to get out of here.

Did you lock the door?

I did, man. I checked twice.

Go, go!

I'm so focused, dude.

Sh*t.

No, you're just paranoid because

we're about to trip balls.

No, I'm paranoid because

it could be dangerous.

No, we're fine.

Look, we made it.

We made it. It's all good.

Oh, sh*t!

Help! Help!

What's happening!

What the f***?

I can't breathe.

They made us!

They're Gonna kill us!

Jenko!

Where are you going?

Oh, f***! I'm having a bad trip!

We're having a bad trip!

I think we are tripping, but...

God, isn't this great?

My side's so much

scarier than yours.

Oh, sh*t, your trip sucks.

You should come over here.

It's way better.

Okay.

It's some kind of

weird split screen!

Hello, football.

Jenko! Jenko!

I finally got my lambo!

Hey, Schmidt, look!

Look! Look!

My legs are tired.

Help! No more music!

You'll always be alone.

Hey, Jenko. What?

Where are you going?

I'm just Gonna go up for

a little while, okay?

Stay, stay here.

No, I don't want to stay here.

I'm flying. This is amazing.

No. God. Don't go!

Oh, my God.

No!

Stay here! No, no, stop it.

You're dragging me down! Why

would you drag me down?

Please stay! I'm flying.

Stay!

Wake up! Get out of the car!

Sh*t.

Get out of the car!

Get on the ground!

On your f***ing knees!

Get on your knees!

You already know, don't you?

What?

Do you have anything to say?

Please don't kill us.

If you don't have

anything to f***ing say,

open your f***ing mouth.

What the f***?

Is that vodka?

Welcome to zeta, pledges!

Yeah, buddy!

Pledges, tonight, we separate

the weak from the strong.

If you don't make

it through tonight,

you're dead to all of us.

Rooster,

light the torch!

For zeta!

Drink, motherf***er!

Drink, motherf***er!

Drink, motherf***er!

Drink, motherf***er!

Look, whatever happens tonight,

you have to keep up, okay?

I'm Gonna throw up.

I know. Shut up. Go.

Ready? Go!

Here we go, here we go.

One, two, three, four, five...

I can't do it anymore!

I can't do it anymore!

Twenty's the record!

Thirty-three, 34...

...67...

You can do this,

you can do this.

I can't. This is disgusting.

No, you got to. I can't

do this anymore!

And now, for my favorite event.

F*** this. I'm not doing this.

I'm not doing it.

What are... no!

I'm not doing this, okay?

All right?

Hey!

Schmidt! What the f***, man?

What is your problem? You said

you wanted to stick together.

This is what we have to

do to win their trust.

This is supposed to be fun. It's

just drinking and bonding games.

It's fun.

It's fun for you.

It's not fun for me.

I don't know. Maybe

we should just...

Maybe we should just

investigate different people.

Did you really just say that?

Did you really just say that you

want to investigate other people?

That's what you want?

I don't know, maybe.

Maybe we should just... We

should just branch out.

Okay, just sow our

oats a little.

Sow our cop oats.

Look, I have an in with Zook.

We have a thing and

it's good, and...

I don't know, maybe I should

just stay closer to him.

And you should do your thing

with your connections

and channels

with Cynthia's roommate.

You should see if she

knows who sold her drugs.

I just... I just don't...

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