40 Days and 40 Nights Page #4

You stupid, silly, little person!

Why did you have to go and tell everyone?

If you're ashamed of what you do,

you shouldn't do it.

I'm not ashamed! l'm embarrassed!

Then quit, Matt. Just quit.

Nobody thinks you'll finish this thing.

I'm not f***ing quitting.

Everything was going great until you had to....

I stopped having sex.

I'm totally falling for Erica,

and l'm finally over Nicole.

-You really think you're over her?

-F***, yeah! B*tch.

I ran into her and her fianc last night.

What was he like?

He parties with a friend of mine.

Apparently he works late every night.

That's what l heard.

So?

As in "working" a different girl every night.

Not that it should matter to you. I just....

-No, why would it matter to me?

-Yeah.

JERRY:
My wife and l have been married

for eight years.

I love her very much.

I consider myself a lucky person.

That being said...

...this woman does notput out...

...at all.

I mean, at all.

We used to have sex everywhere.

We used to have sex in this office.

We had sex on this floor.

We had sex on this desk.

-And that chair.

-Okay, l get it.

But now l have to practically beg for it.

I mean, it was kind of hot

for the first eight months.

The chasing after her...

...surprising her with my sexy new underwear.

But now l feel a little like a....

Like l'm a pervert.

I heard about the vow, and l think it's genius.

MATT:
Thanks.

JERRY:
This is the perfect way for me...

...to regain the power in my relationship.

I take the vow.

I tell her l'm gonna do without for a few months.

I bet in half the time, she'll be begging for it.

Don't you think?

What do you think?

I think you don't know

what you're getting yourself into.

Hey, put that away.

Books get you in trouble around here.

-I can't work right now.

-So go home.

-I need the money.

-So work.

It all reminds me of Matt.

Even donkey lovers?

Call him, or leave. You're bugging me.

(Melancholy pop music)

-How's the chicken?

-Good.

Why is this so weird?

If l say, "Don't think of the color red,"

what would you think about?

Sex.

So we're both sitting here,

thinking about sex...

...because we can't think about sex...

...because we can't talk aboutsex,

and we certainly cannot have sex.

It's like, so what are we doing here?

You know, if l didn't have this vow thing,

l'd kiss you right now.

MATT:
Thanks.

ERICA:
Thanks.

(Tense instrumental music)

Are you okay?

MATT:
l'm fine.

ERICA:
Are you sure?

MATT:
l'll be right back. I'm fine.

ERICA:
Are you--

MATT:
Yeah.

WAITER:
Sir. Sir!

MATT:
Oh, my God!

(Matt howls in pain)

I'm okay.

(Patrons laugh)

Thank you. I'm okay.

-Matt!

-I'm okay.

Hi, Nicole.

How are you?

Well, better than you at the moment.

Yeah. Yeah.

Well, this is....

-This is Erica.

-Nicole.

David Brokaw, hi.

MATT:
l'm Matt.

DAVID:
Oh, yes.

Yes, of course.

Matt, you work at one of those dot-coms,

don't you?

Yes. Yes, l do.

David's the youngest

executive vice president at Morgan Stanley.

MATT:
Yeah, l'm the youngest--

DAVID:
Yeah, it's all good, Matt.

Listen, honey,

do you want to give it one more try?

-It's good to see you.

-Yeah, you too.

'Bye.

She's the real reason you took that vow.

No, she's just an ex.

The vow is something

completely separate from her.

You're a really bad liar.

I get that a lot.

I know l should have told you about her but--

Yeah, you should have,

but l guess it's hard for you to get the truth out.

Sh*t.

Hey, how about l quit the vow?

-Honestly, l don't care about the vow.

-Now Saint Matt wants a piece.

-No, no. That's not it at all.

-You don't want me?

No, of course l want you.

-I care about the vow and....

-You do?

Yeah, l do.

And her?

I don't know.

You know, l'll tell you what.

-You want me?

-Yeah.

Then finish your stupid vow.

And if you finish it, then maybe we can talk

about being together. Maybe.

I've given up sex, because l just...

...want to connect with people on a deeper level.

-Really?

-Yeah.

-Is it working?

-Working? Of course it's working.

It's like this incredible high.

Like, can you not feel that?

Just sitting here talking here with you....

I'm mind orgasmic right now.

Mind orgasmic.

Yeah.

(Opera aria plays in background)

(lntercourse noises from bedroom)

We need to talk.

I can't. I got to go.

-I understand what you're doing, Matt.

-You do?

Women have been doing this since, well, forever.

So we know all about the power.

See, us having the power,

that's part of the system.

And by you taking the power,

you're f***ing with the system.

And l think you see why we can't let that happen.

You bet on today. This is about money.

Signed and notarized commitment

to donate all proceeds to charity.

So you want to have sex with me

to regain the power?

We're willing to do whatever is necessary

to get the job done.

Why do you keep saying "we"?

Oh, f***.

Now, we think that this offer is more than fair.

ANDIE:
Can l talk to you for a second?

MANDY:
Excuse me. What?

I don't think l can do this.

-Andie, we talked about this already, okay?

-I know, but look at him.

ANDIE:
He used to be kind of cute,

but now he's just twitchy.

Okay. It'll be over in like two seconds, okay?

Would you care to join us?

Oh, God. Not the tongues.

Oh, my God. I got to go.

MATT:
Yesterday l was fine.

Physically speaking, l was fine.

But today, l'm not fine.

Today the coffee shop unofficially sponsored

"Hot Women Wearing No Bras" Day.

-Like hot, hot women wearing no bras?

-I mean like hot, hot women.

MATT:
There were 48 breasts

at the Caf Trieste this morning.

(Sensual rock music)

I know this phase. It passes.

But why does this have to happen now?

Yesterday Erica tells me

that l have to finish the vow...

...and today l'm slammed by sex. Why?

You've gone what, 26 days?

That's very admirable.

-Yeah. Thanks.

-But you can't come to Mom and Dad's tonight.

If l don't go, they'll kill me.

-You don't want them to see you like this.

-I don't want me to see me like this.

If there's one place that l'm safe,

it's at home. Right?

ALL:
...from thy bounty,

through Christ, our Lord. Amen.

MATT:
When your hip heals,

will it be like having a normal hip again?

Pretty much. I mean, l can golf and ride a bike.

He just has to be careful.

DAD:
lt's amazing the things you can do now.

You know, l'm part of a pilot program

that's tracking my range of motion.

Really?

They don't want to hear about that.

No. They want to see what effect

the operation has had on my sex life.

MATT:
l'm sorry.

MOM:
Do we have to talk about this at dinner?

DAD:
We're all adults here, aren't we?

lsn't sex a God-given, natural part of life?

-All right, don't start, Dad.

-Why not talk about it?

I think a good sexual appetite...

...is a real, normal, healthy part of being a man.

And a woman.

Who wants more beans? l do.

DAD:
Bev, they're grown men.

They're old enough to know

that their mother's machine is still running hot.

-Walter, this isn't the moment.

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