7 seX 7 Page #3

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This sh*t rubs.

What is it?

Pete likes it sweet?

I'm not Pete. I'm Kazimir.

So what do you

rhyme with, Kazimir?

Just take the f***ing cuffs off!

You'll get extra.

It's my birthday. It's on me.

I don't want money.

What, then?

Just p*ssy.

How much did you take from her?

I don't get you.

How much did she pay you?

Nothing.

What?

Me, pay a sucker for it?!

What did you say?!

I said you're for free!

A free vibrator on the market!

Hey, that hurts. You're crazy!

He really tastes cheap.

Don't even think about it!

So why did you agree to it?

I like screwing babes.

How did you know I was a babe?

I showed him your photos.

From facebook?

From the excursion.

Polaroids?!

I'm crazy about Polaroids!

And the one with

the black plastic is legendary.

You've got no idea. It's rubber.

Ordinary rubber for a tractor.

I don't get you women,

what you put in yourself.

You'll get it now!

Don't even think about it!

You're crazy!

Lada, wasn't it

in the top drawer?

It hardly fitted in,

only diagonally!

You're really crazy.

We chase each other...

...like horses on a carousel

and we'll never catch

each other up.

Is she okay?

Stella's a poet.

She has a poet's lips.

The Ivan Goran

Kovacic 99' award.

Best young poet.

Poetess.

Shouldn't someone

light a cigarette?

Can I have a smoke?

How about uncuffing me?

Okay. But first, admit it.

What?

That you're not Kazimir.

What, then?

A vibrator.

What's the catch?!

About that.

I don't get it.

You don't have to.

Just admit it.

OK. I'm a vibrator.

Can you say it like you mean it?

I'm a vibrator.

Did he mean it?

No, he didn't.

I'm a vibrator. Now can you...

We're not finished.

What else do I have to say?

I'm a...

...little vibrator.

What do you mean?!

No, you've got to say

you're a little vibrator!

But it's not true!

You say it yourself?!

I don't.

So, the cuffs stay?

Okay, I'm a little vibrator.

Can you be more convincing?

How can I be more convincing

when it's not true!

Who says it's not true?!

All the girls!

The girls lie to the guys when

they say they have big ones!

Didn't you know?

Have you got a triangle?

A ruler?

How about calipers?

What do you want the ruler for?

To prove it to you.

Mathematically.

We know what

the average is, don't we?

Are you from the f***ing

Bureau of Statistics?

OK, I'm a little vibrator.

So small that they

don't make them like that.

So small that they

don't make them like that!

Apart from for key rings.

Apart from for key rings.

I'm hungry. Anything to eat?

This isn't a bed and breakfast!

We need to charge his batteries.

I'll rustle something up...

I'm going to have a shower.

You were just faking it?

Huh?

Those screams.

You were faking it?

Were you faking it or not?

- Don't you know me?

- It was the same as with me.

It's better with you.

You're comparing us?!

Oh, come on, please...

You never scream with me.

As if that's what it's about.

So what's it about, then?

The real thing?

You want to have the real thing?

Stela, calm down.

You screwed him?

Yes, just now.

I don't mean that!

You screwed him before?

You're obsessed with guys.

What are you on about?

Look at what you've got

framed on the wall.

That's the only thing

my old man gave me

before he left

to get cigarettes.

Yeah, the nearest shop

was in Munich.

But it was still a present.

A present?

They were handing them out free.

The bastard didn't

spend a penny for it.

To recap...

...you like guys more than me,

and you even have

one framed on the wall.

But it's Zagi the Squirrel.

Zagi's a male squirrel!

Aren't all squirrels female?!

Where is he?

Stela, where is he?

Maybe his battery's gone flat.

These are yummy sandwiches!

All the more for us.

Hey, if you put an ice-cream

cone against your ear,

you can hear

the ice-cream factory!

What now?

Wait, wait!

No stopping til the job's done.

No, I'm serious, wait!

I've got a cramp.

So what?

You keep on getting cramps.

No, I mean it. I've got

a cramp in my leg! Ow!

I've heard a lot,

but never one like this.

How can you get a cramp

from shagging? Jesus...

It's like I've been

stabbed with a knife.

Have you got some sort

of childhood trauma?

Oh, f*** off.

Turn the light on.

You could walk

round the room a bit.

And I could sing a bit as well.

Go on, so I can see you better.

To see you better...

You're obsessed with sex.

A-ha, it bothers you?

No.

Where are you off to now?

Where are you off to now?

I'm calling Information.

It's ringing.

Oh, really?

Hello, Information? What should

we do about a leg cramp?

You don't give such information.

Thank you. Goodbye.

They say to call an ambulance.

Yes?

Shall we call an ambulance?

No. It's gone.

What do you want to do?

I want to play cards.

You want to play cards...

Yes.

Do you want to sing in the mike?

No, I want to play

cards on the table.

Then we'll play

cards on the table.

Move over. I'm hot.

Can I ask you something?

A-ha.

Why do you guys always look like

you've been digging after sex?

It's easy for you.

You just lie down...

...put your feet up

in the air and enjoy youself...

and I've got to work like a dog.

It's not easy to satisfy you.

Have a smoke. You haven't

had one for a long time.

I bloody deserve it.

What's the time?

Itll be about midday.

Oh, f***!

What?

I'm so stupid. Such an idiot!

What is it?

I promised him. F*** it.

I promised my boyfriend

to see him today.

I'm such an idiot!

You haven't broken up with him?

Don't act the fool.

I've told you everything.

He doesn't know. He

doesn't care. Got a problem?

Maybe I care.

Oh, sweetie, come off it...

I hate it when I have to

rush like this... f*** it.

Oh, stay a little bit longer.

Sweetie, you know I can't.

He rang me, for f***'s sake.

If you're hungry,

there's a McDonald's salad

in the fridge from yesterday.

Alright? Come on.

Leave the keys of the flat

downstairs in my letterbox.

Come on...

what's the matter?

Nothing.

Cut the dramatics, please, okay?

Hi, sweetie...

I'm on my way.

Bye, bye.

'Scuse me...

Jesus, you scared me.

Sorry, didn't mean to.

I broke its cap off.

And a boletus without a cap

is like a pecker without a head.

A 'pecker'? What's that?!

It's a kind of picker.

Picker, pecker. Get it?

You Croats complicate stuff.

You Serbian?

Yes.

So what're you

doing in the wood?

The war's been

over for twenty years.

Nobody'll do anything to you.

You wouldn't believe it but

Serbs are holidaying here.

And no-one shoves

their cars into the sea.

What's your name?

Bella.

And what would you do

if it doesn't suit you?

Why?

Your name's Bella

and what if you're no looker.

So you're into mushrooms?

Not me, but my boyfriend's

a mushroom freak.

Imagine, this is

my first trip to Zagreb.

I spend the whole night rattling

about in a sleeping car,

and he gets me off the train

and straight into the woods.

And I thought I'm in for some

romance, breakfast on the lawn,

but instead I'm greeted by his

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