A Haunted House Page #4
I've never been with a man.
I've never been with a man.
I've never been
with a man.
Would you stop being so...
I've never been
with a man!
Okay!
You don't have to
be loud and angry.
I've been with a man!
I've never
been with a man!
Okay.
I'm trying to get to know you.
Have you been with a man?
I sleep on this
side of the bed.
Right.
She sleeps there.
Ick.
And, you know, we keep
And one night,
we saw the door
kind of just, like...
Oh, wow. So there was
some paranormal over there.
No, she thinks
it's paranormal,
and I think it's
'cause of the Tornado.
'Cause I created a vortex.
What does that mean?
We was havin' sex,
and I was hittin' it.
I was like...
I was doing this round,
and I think the...
Hey, hey, hey!
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, you okay?
Yeah, sorry.
You all right?
I got light-headed
there for a second.
Okay. All right.
Yeah, no, I'm good.
Check out the door.
You know what?
There is some dark
energy over here.
Really?
Yeah. Wow, that's crazy.
- I didn't even...
- Oh!
We got a ghost.
Oh, my God,
it's got me!
It's got me!
It's got me!
It's got me!
Help! Help!
Hey, man!
Get off of me!
Oh, man!
Get off of me.
What are you doing?
I don't know
what just happened.
That was so scary.
Okay, you guys.
This is a simple
channeling exercise.
Okay.
This is creepy.
Shh.
All right, Kisha,
now just breathe.
Relax.
Do you feel anything?
No, not really.
What about you, Malcolm?
Just your dick in my back.
Well, that's a start.
Now, there are two kinds
of paranormal entities.
I specialize in
the good ones.
Okay, yeah, like
Casper the Friendly Ghost.
Oh!
Yeah, he's fun.
And also Patrick Swayze
from Ghost.
I love that movie.
Yes, that one was
really moving.
Especially with the clay,
and he'd work
the clay and just...
And he just
f***in' has it, and...
Demons, though, are bad.
Those are pure,
pure, pure evil.
And they will pop up
You know, like herpes.
What?
What are you
looking at me for?
All I'm saying is,
do not aggravate a demon.
Do not try to
contact them,
and whatever you do,
do not film them.
That will only
make things worse.
See? Don't film demons.
Very bad.
Okay.
Well, thanks a lot
for coming out, man.
Is there anything
you wanna get off
your chest?
Is there anything
you want to
put on my chest?
Huh?
Wait'll you see
the clay scene.
Wait, wait. Uh...
I have a confession
to make.
Yep, herpes!
I knew it.
Oh! Ick!
No, I don't!
But did I mention that I made
a deal with the devil
for a pair of
really cool Louboutins?
You made a deal
with the devil
for a pair of shoes?
Not shoes, Malcolm!
Louboutins, okay?
They've got red soles,
and they make my calves pop!
Well, I really
needed them, okay?
You are screwed, sista,
This demon is not
leaving this house
until it gets what it wants.
What's that?
Kisha.
You're fine, Malcolm.
Like, you're free to
be whoever you want.
It's a five-man
wrestling league.
I'm good.
It's so fun.
I bet it is.
It's not for me.
And everyone's
really good.
Really?
Yeah, no,
but it's competitive.
It's something that...
Oh, my God.
I'm getting mind powers.
Okay. All right.
I'm getting mind powers.
Malcolm, something
Don't fight it.
Whatever it is,
don't fight it, okay?
Okay, I won't.
I won't.
I can save you.
It's five guys.
We wrestle on Monday.
Okay.
I can save you.
No, thank you.
Save you!
God.
I think that went well.
We need to talk.
A demon, Kisha?
I'm sorry, Malcolm.
Why...
Why didn't you tell me this,
like, on the first date?
gone out with me again.
Exactly!
How long has this
been happening to you?
Since I was a little kid.
What the sh*t is this?
And you say I
tape everything.
Mm. Mm-mm-mm.
Happy birthday, Kisha.
Mama loves you.
Ooh! To think you
almost didn't make it.
But good thing
that clinic was closed.
Ooh! God is good
all the time.
Enjoy your birthday.
Sooner or later, you're gonna
come home from school one da.
"Where's stepdaddy?
Where's stepdaddy?"
And I'm gonna be gone.
Happy birthday, Kisha.
Make a wish.
Sit right there.
All right.
I wish Tony can
stay with me forev.
Who is Tony?
Who is Tony, baby?
He's my friend.
If you have friends,
they'd all be
gathered around here
drinking beer,
smoking cigarettes,
having a good time,
gambling,
playing cards
and stuff.
You gonna blow it out?
Or you just gonna
look at us crazy?
Dang.
She ain't all there.
Lookin' all crazy.
You crazy.
Look, look,
look, look, look.
She got a lazy eye.
Blow out
the candles, baby.
Tony, no!
on my brand-new Betama?
You must be crazy!
Ow! It wasn't me.
It was Tony.
I'm-a beat the Ty
out of you then.
Ah, ah, ah.
Lamar, not so hard.
I won't beat my
own kids like th.
I know that's right.
Anything else
you wanna tell me?
Well,
about the herpes.
Baby, what are you doing?
Huh?
Oh, nothing. I'm just...
Just cleaning, that's all.
You ever get that
not-so-fresh feeling?
Seriously, we're gonna
have to talk about your lies.
Oh, that's fizzing.
It's fizzing.
It's herpes, Kisha.
This ain't
a cold sore, Kisha.
This is the real thing.
Ah! You did this to me.
Get a match!
Get the goddamn match!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
That hurt. Whoa!
What the hell?
What happened?
Did...
What'd you slap me for?
Was I snoring?
Kisha!
Kisha!
The hell?
Kisha.
Kisha.
What the hell?
Kisha.
Oh, sh*t!
Kisha, what the...
Kisha, what are you doing?
What? Oh, that is gross.
Wait! No, baby,
that milk is
three weeks old.
Oh! Baby.
Baby, what are you doing?
I'll run to the store.
We're out of milk.
I'll be right back.
No, no, you... No, no.
Give me that.
Honey, honey.
Where do you
keep the Pepto?
Oh, man.
Where do you
keep the Pepto?
My stomach hurts.
What are you doing?
I'm looking at
the tape from last night.
Honey, you make me feel good.
Okay. Maybe some sleep
will make you feel good.
Oh, my God.
I don't remember
doing any of this.
What am I doing?
Acting like a freak.
This is crazy.
Wait, look at this.
Check this out.
Something weird...
Weird-weird-weird
is going on.
Something weird
is going on.
Meow.
Honey, you make me
feel good.
Weird is going on.
Weird-weird-weird
is going on.
Whoo!
Weird-weird-weird-weird
is going on.
I'm a scary ghost!
I can't breathe.
Baby, you mad?
Baby.
Malcolm!
It's not a joke!
Come on. I'm just trying
to make light
of a bad situation.
Bad situation?
So, what,
now you're referring
to my moving in
as a bad situation?
I didn't have
a demon in my house
till you moved in.
What happened to,
"You're living with me now.
I'll protect you"?
From a burglar,
not a ghost!
You know what?
I ain't listening to this.
Where do you
think you're going?
1 fan
Submitted on August 05, 2018
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"A Haunted House" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 26 Jul 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/a_haunted_house_1925>.
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