A Haunted House Page #5
Out.
Oh, okay!
So you're just gonna
leave me here alone?
Malcolm!
Malcolm!
Okay, I'm coming,
I'm coming, I'm coming!
What, what, what, what?
Look at this!
Oh, wow. What the...
Oh, Daddy!
Malcolm!
Oh, sh*t.
What kind of monster
would do this?
Uh, uh, baby,
you were right.
Listen, there is
an evil spirit
in this house.
I believe you.
I was so dumb.
Oh, sh*t. I feel it.
Oh, my God.
It's right there.
You feel that?
Feel it, feel it, feel it.
- It's cold, right?
- Oh, my God!
Baby, we have to
get rid of this menace
once and for all.
Ooh! The tape!
We can watch the tape.
Wait, no! No, no, no.
Don't watch the tape.
Don't watch the tape.
What?
Because it's just me
and you against him.
You evil spirit!
Now!
You hear me?
You get out!
Get out, demon.
Get out!
Get out, get out, get out!
See, I believe you.
No.
I need you to shut up
once and for all.
Let's watch the tape.
I am shutting up! God!
Mm-hmm.
Hi, Daddy.
You want to come in here
and move in on my house? H?
You like
haunting people, huh?
I ain't scared of you.
Uh, baby? Um...
F*** you, and f*** your daddy!
This is disturbing.
You don't want to see it.
I will break your arm.
Wow!
Oh. Oh, my.
See, that hurt. Lookee.
I got a boo-boo,
baby, right...
I don't care.
On my father's ashes!
Really?
You think you the sh*t?
I'll show you the sh*t.
Nasty! That is so nasty.
I will...
So, what did you do,
wipe your ass
with the curtains?
Baby, you didn't like
the curtains anyway.
You're an animal.
We'll get new curtains.
It's just curtains.
I'd be an animal
if I didn't wipe at all.
Baby!
This isn't gonna
prove any...
Yes, it is!
I swear that I
will listen to Kisha
whenever she says
in the house.
And?
And...
And I swear that I won't
antagonize the ghost anymore.
Even though I didn't
bring him in the house.
And?
And I swear that
Kisha is the prettiest
and the sexiest
girl for never.
And?
And I promise I won't sh*t
in your daddy's ashes.
Louder!
I promise I won't sh*t
on Kisha's daddy's ashes
ever again.
Happy?
Yes.
Can I have my
video game back now?
No!
See, man?
Why are you putting
powder on the floor?
See, the powder
is gonna let me see
his footprints.
And you think
this is gonna work.
It did on Scooby-Doo.
Malcolm, did you
hear that?
Mm-hmm.
Then why are you
pretending to be asleep?
'Cause I know if I'm up,
where them
scary-ass noises
are coming from.
Get your black ass up.
See, man?
Kisha.
Camera.
Get the camera.
Get the camera.
Whose plan was
stupid now, Kisha? Hmm?
Pass me a bat.
A bat?
You're gonna use
a bat on a ghost?
I'm sorry. I left my
proton pack in the car.
Pass me the bat.
This ghost's got
some ugly-ass feet.
Looks more like an alien.
I don't wanna do it.
I don't wanna do it.
I can't do it.
I can't do it.
What?
Malcolm!
No, this... No.
This ain't what we do.
This is for white people.
Will you grow some balls!
This is for white people.
This ain't what n*ggers do.
We don't investigate.
We run. We run, we live.
If we was in a movie theater,
some black woman be screaming,
"Don't do it!
Don't do it, boy!
"He behind there.
He in there."
If we know he's in there,
why the f*** are
we going in there?
Come on, baby.
I don't want to do it.
Stop it.
What if it bites me?
It's not a zombie.
It's a ghost.
You wanna play?
That's right!
You hurt my mother.
You killed my mother.
That's right!
That's not helping.
It's not helping none.
You got this. Go.
You want some of this?
This is how we...
Get him!
Bust your...
Whoop that ghost's ass!
Turn on the lights!
Oh, my God! Rosa?
Rosa? Rosa! Rosa!
Si, senor! Que pasa?
Oh, my... I'm so sorry.
I thought you...
I... I didn't know.
I thought you was a ghost.
- Ghost?
- Or an alien.
I was talking
about your feet, not your
citizenship or lack thereof.
I quit.
See? Give me the camera!
Go fix this.
No! I'm not fixing nothing!
Oh, can't believe
Rosa quit.
Yeah, well, you know,
this is stressful
on all of us.
a little something
to help alleviate
some of that stress.
Take it. You hit it.
Yeah?
Now you gonna go spit
up the end and sh*t.
Hold it, hold it.
Damn!
Yay! Bravo.
Encore, encore.
I see a face in the chip.
It's got a mustache.
You're not moving...
Never get high.
...fast enough, Malcolm.
Never get high
with people that don't
know how to get high.
I'm baked.
Oh, sh*t.
Los Angeles County, 911.
My dick!
He fell for it!
No, I don't want to.
Okay. Okay, I'll do it.
Yeah! That's a shotgun
for your ass.
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Is he gone?
Oh, he's gone.
Wow!
That's that Criss Angel
sh*t right there.
Yo, that ghost good.
That ghost good.
That ghost good.
That ghost good.
Oh, my God.
What?
That was awesome!
Disgusting!
Malcolm, wake up.
Mmm?
You peed the bed.
What?
You peed the bed.
Oh, sh*t! Oh!
Oh, that's...
That's not funny.
Oh, that's f***ed up.
That's real f***ed up.
Hey, Steve,
thanks a lot for bringing
I really appreciate that.
Oh, no worries, bro.
- Hopefully...
- Hey, baby.
Oh, hey, Kisha,
the dinner was
so amazing.
The chicken was
unbelievably tender
and real juicy.
Oh, well, actually,
that was all Malcolm.
Was it now?
I'll be damned.
Well, thanks for
letting me nibble on the leg
because I love dark meat.
Mmm. Well, that is true.
She eats it up.
- I bet she does.
- She eats it all up.
Yeah.
You guys are
gonna love this wine.
It is a very robust red.
Yum.
Well, you know
what they say.
"The blacker the berry,
the sweeter the juice."
Mm-hmm.
Okay, y'all need to
cut this out.
Well, you know what?
Normally, we don't
have to chase this hard.
Mm-hmm.
Steve...
Hmm?
I was talking about
that stupid board.
- Oh.
- Oh.
Baby, I just want to
communicate with it.
Are you a ghost
or a demon?
Who's doing that?
Malcolm.
Who's doing that?
I don't know.
It's not me.
I swear to God.
"G."
You guys.
"O."
Steve, are you
pushing this?
I'm not doing anything.
Oh, what? "S."
Go where...
"T."
A "gost?"
What the hell
is a "gost"?
Oh, maybe he's
trying to spell "ghost."
Are you trying
to spell "ghost"?
You're doing that?
No. I'm not
moving it, I swear.
"Yes."
Wait. So, he just
spelled "ghost" "gost."
What kind of illiterate,
b*tch-ass ghost is this?
Please. Can you please
use "gost" in a sentence?
Yeah, right.
Up yours,
you stupid "gost."
He probably dyslexic, too.
He probably
spells "boo," O-O-B.
Ooh!
Oh.
Oh.
Whoa, whoa!
Somebody's sensitive.
And stupid.
You know what?
show ourselves out.
Good morning, honey.
Good morning.
Mmm.
Hey.
Mmm.
Well, all right.
Baby, that is
the best night's sleep
What are you
talking about?
We had
1 fan
Submitted on August 05, 2018
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"A Haunted House" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 26 Jul 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/a_haunted_house_1925>.
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