A Haunted House Page #8

I could actually

braid her hair right now.

I'll be hitting her

with some Allen Iversons

and stuff.

I'll give her

some Sprewells.

I'll take it back.

Let's do

a little exorcism.

All right,

"Blessed is he

"who, in the name of

charity and goodwill,

"shepherds the weak

through

the valley of darkness.

"For he is truly

his brother's keeper

"and the finder

of lost children.

"And you will know

my name is the Lord

"when I lay my

vengeance upon you!"

Did you just quote

Sam Jackson in Pulp Fiction?

You got that.

You got me on that.

You got me on that one!

I love Sam Jackson, dawg.

The Jheri curl

will be dripping

and everything.

Plus, on the plane movie.

When he was on the plane

and he killed the snakes.

That's my favorite movie.

"Enough is enough!

"I have had it with these

motherfucking snakes

"on this

motherfucking plane!"

Hey, all right!

That's what I'm

talking about.

Guys!

All right, all right!

Exorcism. That's what

we're here for, right?

Yes, go back to the thing

that got us here

in the first place.

Where we met.

My man!

By the powers

vested to me,

that somebody gave me

while I was locked up,

from

the correctional institution

in Lompoc, that's up north...

I want the demon that's

in you to come out

and holler at a brother.

Demon, come up

out of Kisha, demon.

Come out!

Just come out!

Come up out of Kisha!

Come up

out of there, demon.

Come out! Come out!

Come out!

Come out!

Hey! I'm not the one

with the demon, she is.

We all have demons, Malcolm.

I know what

you did last summer.

You better not do this.

Let her go, she's fat.

Kisha! Kisha!

Kisha! Oh, my God.

Kisha?

Kisha?

Oh, hey, buddy,

you made it.

Grab a finger sandwich,

they're delish!

About time you

came up in here.

'Cause there ain't no party

like a mandingo party.

'Cause a mandingo

party don't stop.

Drink up, sweetheart.

You need some water?

Where are you going?

Hey, don't let her down.

It's her birthday.

Oh, God.

Hey, did you find Kisha?

Uh, no,

she's not in there.

You sure?

What's going on in there?

Uh, nothing at all.

Is that a mandingo party?

No.

Man, I wanna get

my Kunta Kinte on.

Kisha?

Kisha?

Oh, sh*t!

Baby?

Oh, my God!

What did you do?

Sh*t, I did you a favor.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God, Rosa!

I just wanted my

last check, Malcolm.

Oh, my God,

you shot my housekeeper.

You mean,

your ex-housekeeper.

Look, man, the b*tch can't be

jumping out on me like that.

You ain't gonna

tell nobody, right?

I got warrants.

Hurry, she's in here.

Come on, guys.

Kisha!

We got her cornered.

Baby.

Father, do something.

Oh, my God!

Man, that demon

is a freak.

Yeah, the crazy ones

always got the best p*ssy.

The moon landing was fake.

What?

Biggie and Tupac

are alive.

Paul Ryan will be

the next president.

The demon lies.

Well, except for

the thing about Tupac.

He is alive.

He's got a new

album coming out.

What the f***

is going on here?

There's an exorcism

happening, people!

The power of

Christ compels you.

The power of

Christ compels you.

No, it's a new cologne

from Khloe and Lamar.

It's unisex.

I can smell Lamar.

Get her!

Baby!

Oh! She knows some of

that Spider-Man sh*t!

Oh, my God!

It's got me!

Chip!

I'm afraid of the dark.

Why do have your

hand on my balls?

I'm protecting

them from spirits.

Get off of me!

There she is!

She's going to the basement.

Bobby? Oh, my God!

Bobby, my brother's gone!

Oh, my God! Let's go!

- Bobby?

- Bobby?

Bobby?

This is dark.

I don't wanna

go down here.

Kisha!

Look at all these

weird markings.

Kisha was here.

She has a sign.

Bobby!

Oh, my God! She got Bobby!

Actually, that's

just Bobby taking a pee.

What?

Oh, come on, that's gross.

Kisha!

Kisha.

Kisha.

Show yourself.

Baby? Come on,

you gotta stay close.

What is this,

a Shake Weight

and a Thighmaster?

Nice.

Back the train up.

You got a Flowbee?

Hey, it all looks good

at 2:
00 in the morning, okay?

Hey, look, Malcolm,

one's white and one's black.

- Guess which one you are.

- Black one.

What the hell?

Can we just go

find my girl, please?

Thank you.

Kisha!

Bobby!

Would you shut the f*** up?

What are you doing?

Come on.

Go, go, go.

What was that?

Christ,

that b*tch is scary.

I dropped the camera!

Fellas?

Kisha.

Malcolm? Malcolm?

It's me, Chip the Psychic.

Malcolm?

It's me, Chip.

Yoo-hoo.

- Okay, I found the camera.

- What are you guys doing?

This sh*t is real, son.

Yeah.

Chip, why are you naked?

What the hell?

Hey!

It got really hot in here.

Oh, no. Where's Bobby?

Found my Walkman.

Kisha? Baby, are you okay?

- Leave her alone.

- Don't touch her.

Why?

'Cause she's like

that witch in Left 4 Dead

sitting in the corner

crying like that.

You touch her,

she gonna attack your ass.

I can't just

leave her, man.

Kisha? Baby?

It'll be okay, all right?

Get off my man, b*tch!

You wanna fight?

Take that, demon!

Elbow smash!

Ooh!

Harder!

Beast!

Take that, demon!

F***ing b*tch, take that.

That demon can

take a punch.

That's enough.

- Baby?

- Malcolm.

I think she's okay.

Maybe not!

I won't tell on you,

you don't tell on me.

Understand me?

You weren't here,

I wasn't here.

I'll take the blame.

I'll take the blame.

Okay, good. Hey!

Man, put some clothes on!

Hey.

Hey.

You know what?

This Angry Birds

is kind of fun.

I told you.

I like it.

Look at you

looking all pretty.

Oh, this?

It's just a little something

I put on for my man.

Oh, lucky him.

Oh. Ow...

Malcolm.

What? What? What?

My ribs are

still a little sore.

I'm sorry.

We did beat the hell

out of you, girl.

We was just trying

to get the demon out.

I'm sorry.

No, I'm sorry for bringing

that thing into your house.

Our house.

Mmm!

Malcolm?

Is the camera on?

Mm-hmm?

Fine.

Good.

Come here.

Take like that,

take it like that.

Oh, my God,

I hit the bottom.

Oh, yeah, take that.

Who's your dirty daddy?

Oh, God.

- I got a cramp.

- Don't touch it.

Malcolm!

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm coming.

Sh*t.

Malcolm!

I heard you

the first time.

Damn.

She's gone.

Yeah, baby, I lived!

I lived.

In your face.

In your face!

You thought you'd

move into my house

and kill me?

What?

She's right behind me,

isn't she?

Oh, yeah.

We gonna need a wide angle

for some of

these aerial tricks.

All right, I call

this one "The Superman."

Pile driver!

Take that.

Take that.

Oh! Oh!

Can I get you

something to drink, Father?

Yeah, Hennessy, straight.

Oh, you got Hpnotiq?

I like to mix them.

Uh, I was

talking about water.

Water?

I don't drink that bullshit.

What the f***?

Yeah, my show is

gonna be huge.

I'm gonna get my house back.

I'm gonna get a girlfriend.

I'm gonna be successful.

Did you just hope

and dream out loud?

All hopes and dreams

are out loud.

That's the camera show.

Oh, this is called "68,"

and I owe you one.

You're crazy, girl.

Yeah, I'll fart in your face.

Take that.

Now we gonna make some love.

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