A Haunted House Page #8
I could actually
braid her hair right now.
I'll be hitting her
with some Allen Iversons
and stuff.
I'll give her
some Sprewells.
I'll take it back.
Let's do
a little exorcism.
All right,
"Blessed is he
"who, in the name of
charity and goodwill,
"shepherds the weak
through
the valley of darkness.
"For he is truly
his brother's keeper
"and the finder
of lost children.
"And you will know
my name is the Lord
"when I lay my
vengeance upon you!"
Did you just quote
Sam Jackson in Pulp Fiction?
You got that.
You got me on that.
You got me on that one!
I love Sam Jackson, dawg.
The Jheri curl
will be dripping
and everything.
Plus, on the plane movie.
When he was on the plane
and he killed the snakes.
That's my favorite movie.
"Enough is enough!
"I have had it with these
motherfucking snakes
"on this
motherfucking plane!"
Hey, all right!
That's what I'm
talking about.
Guys!
All right, all right!
Exorcism. That's what
we're here for, right?
Yes, go back to the thing
that got us here
in the first place.
Where we met.
My man!
By the powers
vested to me,
that somebody gave me
while I was locked up,
from
the correctional institution
in Lompoc, that's up north...
I want the demon that's
in you to come out
and holler at a brother.
Demon, come up
out of Kisha, demon.
Come out!
Just come out!
Come up out of Kisha!
Come up
out of there, demon.
Come out! Come out!
Come out!
Come out!
Hey! I'm not the one
with the demon, she is.
We all have demons, Malcolm.
I know what
you did last summer.
You better not do this.
Let her go, she's fat.
Kisha! Kisha!
Kisha! Oh, my God.
Kisha?
Kisha?
Oh, hey, buddy,
you made it.
Grab a finger sandwich,
they're delish!
About time you
came up in here.
'Cause there ain't no party
like a mandingo party.
'Cause a mandingo
party don't stop.
Drink up, sweetheart.
You need some water?
Where are you going?
Hey, don't let her down.
It's her birthday.
Oh, God.
Hey, did you find Kisha?
Uh, no,
she's not in there.
You sure?
What's going on in there?
Uh, nothing at all.
Is that a mandingo party?
No.
Man, I wanna get
Kisha?
Kisha?
Oh, sh*t!
Baby?
Oh, my God!
What did you do?
Sh*t, I did you a favor.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God, Rosa!
I just wanted my
last check, Malcolm.
Oh, my God,
you shot my housekeeper.
You mean,
your ex-housekeeper.
Look, man, the b*tch can't be
jumping out on me like that.
You ain't gonna
tell nobody, right?
I got warrants.
Hurry, she's in here.
Come on, guys.
Kisha!
We got her cornered.
Baby.
Father, do something.
Oh, my God!
Man, that demon
is a freak.
Yeah, the crazy ones
always got the best p*ssy.
The moon landing was fake.
What?
Biggie and Tupac
are alive.
Paul Ryan will be
the next president.
The demon lies.
Well, except for
He is alive.
He's got a new
album coming out.
What the f***
is going on here?
There's an exorcism
happening, people!
The power of
Christ compels you.
The power of
Christ compels you.
No, it's a new cologne
from Khloe and Lamar.
It's unisex.
I can smell Lamar.
Get her!
Baby!
Oh! She knows some of
that Spider-Man sh*t!
Oh, my God!
It's got me!
Chip!
I'm afraid of the dark.
Why do have your
hand on my balls?
I'm protecting
them from spirits.
Get off of me!
There she is!
She's going to the basement.
Bobby? Oh, my God!
Bobby, my brother's gone!
Oh, my God! Let's go!
- Bobby?
- Bobby?
Bobby?
This is dark.
I don't wanna
go down here.
Kisha!
Look at all these
weird markings.
Kisha was here.
She has a sign.
Bobby!
Oh, my God! She got Bobby!
Actually, that's
What?
Oh, come on, that's gross.
Kisha!
Kisha.
Kisha.
Show yourself.
Baby? Come on,
you gotta stay close.
What is this,
a Shake Weight
and a Thighmaster?
Nice.
Back the train up.
You got a Flowbee?
Hey, it all looks good
at 2:
00 in the morning, okay?Hey, look, Malcolm,
one's white and one's black.
- Black one.
What the hell?
Can we just go
find my girl, please?
Thank you.
Kisha!
Bobby!
Would you shut the f*** up?
What are you doing?
Come on.
Go, go, go.
What was that?
Christ,
that b*tch is scary.
I dropped the camera!
Fellas?
Kisha.
Malcolm? Malcolm?
It's me, Chip the Psychic.
Malcolm?
It's me, Chip.
Yoo-hoo.
- Okay, I found the camera.
- What are you guys doing?
This sh*t is real, son.
Yeah.
Chip, why are you naked?
What the hell?
Hey!
It got really hot in here.
Oh, no. Where's Bobby?
Found my Walkman.
Kisha? Baby, are you okay?
- Leave her alone.
- Don't touch her.
Why?
'Cause she's like
that witch in Left 4 Dead
sitting in the corner
crying like that.
You touch her,
I can't just
leave her, man.
Kisha? Baby?
It'll be okay, all right?
Get off my man, b*tch!
You wanna fight?
Take that, demon!
Elbow smash!
Ooh!
Harder!
Beast!
Take that, demon!
F***ing b*tch, take that.
That demon can
take a punch.
That's enough.
- Baby?
- Malcolm.
I think she's okay.
Maybe not!
I won't tell on you,
you don't tell on me.
Understand me?
You weren't here,
I wasn't here.
I'll take the blame.
I'll take the blame.
Okay, good. Hey!
Man, put some clothes on!
Hey.
Hey.
You know what?
This Angry Birds
is kind of fun.
I told you.
I like it.
Look at you
looking all pretty.
Oh, this?
It's just a little something
I put on for my man.
Oh, lucky him.
Oh. Ow...
Malcolm.
What? What? What?
My ribs are
still a little sore.
I'm sorry.
We did beat the hell
out of you, girl.
We was just trying
to get the demon out.
I'm sorry.
No, I'm sorry for bringing
that thing into your house.
Our house.
Mmm!
Malcolm?
Is the camera on?
Mm-hmm?
Fine.
Good.
Come here.
Take like that,
take it like that.
Oh, my God,
I hit the bottom.
Oh, yeah, take that.
Who's your dirty daddy?
Oh, God.
- I got a cramp.
- Don't touch it.
Malcolm!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm coming.
Sh*t.
Malcolm!
I heard you
the first time.
Damn.
She's gone.
Yeah, baby, I lived!
I lived.
In your face.
In your face!
You thought you'd
move into my house
and kill me?
What?
isn't she?
Oh, yeah.
We gonna need a wide angle
for some of
these aerial tricks.
All right, I call
this one "The Superman."
Pile driver!
Take that.
Take that.
Oh! Oh!
Can I get you
something to drink, Father?
Yeah, Hennessy, straight.
Oh, you got Hpnotiq?
I like to mix them.
Uh, I was
talking about water.
Water?
I don't drink that bullshit.
What the f***?
Yeah, my show is
gonna be huge.
I'm gonna get a girlfriend.
I'm gonna be successful.
Did you just hope
and dream out loud?
All hopes and dreams
are out loud.
That's the camera show.
Oh, this is called "68,"
and I owe you one.
You're crazy, girl.
Yeah, I'll fart in your face.
Take that.
Now we gonna make some love.
1 fan
Submitted on August 05, 2018
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"A Haunted House" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 18 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/a_haunted_house_1925>.
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