A Haunted House 2 Page #4

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What the hell?

Steroids, b*tch!

You messed with the

wrong nigga today!

Baby, put it down!

What are you doing?

I come in the hallway,

f***in' creepy box...

with somethin' weird

f***in' alive in it!

And I knew that it

was death in the box!

So I killed it!

- Baby, it was a gift!

- But it ain't Christmas.

- Baby, no.

- Kwanzaa?

You were so upset when

Shiloh Junior died...

that the kids and I

thought we would get you...

- Don't look. Don't look.

- Oh, my God!

Wyatt, go to your room!

I killed a baby.

Oh God, I think

it's still breathing.

- You're so f***ing crazy.

- He's still breathing.

I gotta take him out of

misery. I gotta kill him!

Becky?

A'right, let's see

what's in this box now.

God! Wow! That stinks!

- What the hell are you doing?

- Nothing. Just...

You know your pillows

have blue faces on 'em?

- Stay away from my box!

- Calm down!

- Would you calm down?

- I don't wanna calm down.

I want you to stay

away from my box!

Do you have to say "box" so loud?

What is going on in here?

Nothing. We just

playin'. Dolls 'n stuff.

Malcolm came into my

room and touched my box.

- Malcolm, is this true?

- Yes, but only for like two seconds.

It was stinking!

Like, it was rancid!

Here, smell this. I don't

know how she play with that!

He had two fingers in

my tight little box, Mom.

Stop lyin'.

Baby, there's nothin'

tight about her box.

It's f***in' huge! I could

put my whole fist in it.

Like, I almost was up to here

for a second. It's crazy big.

You said, "No means no!"

And that is exactly

what I said. I said "No!"

- I did.

- Time the f*** out.

She's trying to Dateline

Special the nigga!

Where's Chris Hansen? Chris! Chris!

Chris, come on, I know

you around here somewhere!

I know he's in here somewhere.

You tryin' to set a nigga up!

- Can I talk to you for a second?

- Right now.

There's something really

strange goin' on in this house.

Wyatt? Wyatt, see,

Wyatt used to be my boy.

Like that was my lil' nigga,

like we was like boom-boom!

When my dog died, that

lil' nigga helped me dah!

But lately, he hasn't

even talked to me!

Like, he won't even play with me!

His little imaginary friend,

Tony? I don't think he's really...

- You're crazy, Tony.

- Imagine that.

Did you see that sh*t?

Look! You missed it!

Okay, look, forget him. Becky.

There's something in that

old box she carries around...

that's making her go crazy!

She sleeps with it,

she eats with it...

she even goes to

the bathroom with it!

Who takes a sh*t with

a box in their hand?

It's f***in' weird!

And by "weird' you mean

I'm a terrible mother.

What? No. Wait.

Where did you go? Hold

on a minute. Hold on.

If you were just a

little less judgmental...

she wouldn't feel like she

needs to carry her pain...

- around in a "box"!

- This is not about me!

It is always about you, Malcolm!

"You're too fat, you're

a terrible parent...

you like black guys 'cause

they have bigger c*cks!"

That sounds like

you! Do you see this?

That's not f***in' normal!

Okay, she is just

trying to get attention!

When she was a baby,

she would cry and cry...

and cry all damn day in her crib...

until finally she realized

I wasn't gonna come...

and pick her up!

If you were a parent

you'd know it's called...

the "cry it out method", Malcolm!

Just pick the little b*tch up!

She needs to learn somethin', too.

See what I'm saying?

- That is called parenting.

- Wow! Mother of the Year.

Thank you.

That crazy doll keyed my car!

Bro, somebody f***ed your car up!

You wouldn't know anybody...

- ...with a auto body shop?

- Are you serious?

Why, contrary to popular belief...

all Mexicans don't have body shops.

What, you think we

all have low riders...

with a bunch of

primer all over it...

with a frickin' Mexican horn?

You think I have like six kids

and all my relatives livin' there?

Probably chase Chihuahuas

and make burritos...

is that what you think?

- Look at the neighborhood, man!

- I didn't think any of that!

- I just want my f***in' car fixed!

- I'm just f***in' with you, bro!

You're so easy, man. Oh, sh*t.

I got a cousin, his

name is Chucho...

he can hook all that

sh*t up, all right?

Stop f***in' with

the crazy b*tches.

I gotta go, I got the

family waiting. All right?

Be good, man!

Where did she go?

- Take it easy, vato!

- Where you goin'?

Goin' to the swap meet.

We're gonna get some Chihuahuas.

Now that's racist!

So I moved into the house across

the street and I just love it.

The streets are so quiet.

It's perfect for a haunting.

You know, I never got your name.

Kisha? What in the f***!

- You two know each other?

- Oh! Well, yeah.

You know the boyfriend that

I told you abandoned me...

and left me in a ditch to die?

That's him.

- Awkward!

- Yeah!

I think I'll let

you two have at it.

And thank you so much,

Megan, for the coffee, really.

And, Malcolm, it

was great seeing you.

See you around, Malcolm.

Really?

How come you never

told me about her?

Well, it was just a time in my

life I just wanted to forget.

You need to star': remembering.

She was f***ing beautiful!

- She was a'ight.

- "A'ight"?

- I mean, she got nice legs.

- Legs.

- Little ass, but...

- Ass. How 'bout all this?

It's fuckable. Okay? But

that's the... all this...

She's crazy!

She was crazy, baby,

like she was possessed!

- You mean she was possessive.

- No, the b*tch was possessed.

- What?

- Yes!

First of all, she

was verbally abusive.

Hey, baby, what's for dinner?

Eat your mothers

p*ssy you f***ing f***!

It was like she gave up.

Eventually I was able to

drag her to couples' therapy.

Dr. Rousch, me and my girlfriend,

we're kinda goin' through...

a little rough patch.

I mean, she won't

communicate with me.

No matter what I do,

she just sits there.

Okay, and she'll

growl a little bit.

Yes, I can hear that.

And the smallest

things just set her off.

Like crucifixes, or questions.

Is that right, Kisha?

You got a prescription

for "crazy b*tch"?

Oh, Malcolm, I'm so sorry.

- It sounds horrible.

- Well, wasn't all bad.

- Wait, I'm come.

- Shut up, you little b*tch!

I think you just

knocked out a tooth!

Whose ass is this,

huh? Whose ass is this?

The Devil's!

See, now you just made it weird.

Look at me, goddamnit!

Oh, my God, that was awesome!

Oh baby, you're

makin' my toes do this.

You're makin' my toes do this.

Really, Malcolm?

You know what they say

about the crazy ones.

What? Too soon?

There's somethin'

goin' on with this box.

I'm gonna get to

the bottom of this.

What the heck is this

little pervert doin'?

Oh, dude, that is just weird!

Oh, really?

What kind of sweet

tooth fairy is this?

- This nigga need a daddy.

- "Dear Diary.

I lost my virginity to Joey today.

Actually, that's not totally true.

I mean, I've only

had sex with seven...

teen guys...

but only in the butt,

so it doesn't count."

"I mean, I've sucked

a lot of d*cks, Diary.

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