A Haunted House 2 Page #7
is not a big deal.
What?
You need to tell that
to the lonely sista.
Look at this one
right here. Right here!
Look at this one
right here. Right here!
Honey, show him how you
drop it like it's hot!
Hold up, Bertha, hold up. Hold up.
We ain't got no defibrillator.
You know what it is
with the white girl?
They do that cungalingus,
the finga-ligga-linga.
What is it, the fellatio?
That's what it is, they go deep.
That's what it is, they go deep.
- You know they ain't got no insides.
- I think that's my cue to go.
'Scuse me, sistas.
Have a good sermon.
- Where you goin'?
- Let it go! You're angry!
Brother be trippin',
that's why I got me...
Brother be trippin',
that's why I got me...
a white man at home.
- Yeah, girl.
- Vanilla my avor.
- Hello, Malcolm.
I been tryin' to reach you!
I'm sorry, Malcolm,
I've been a bit tied up.
I haven't been able to
find any more on Ahghoul...
though my resources
are a bit limited.
Professor? Where the hell are you?
Doin' a stretch of five to ten.
Apparently the authorities
frown on sellin' meth...
to college students.
Yeah, apparently.
You need to hang up
that computer call...
come here and kiss
me on my hot mouth.
I'm feelin' romantical.
Well, Malcolm, I suppose
I should get going.
But I will be e-mailing you
the contacts of associates...
who'll be able to help.
I don't mean to be
pushy, but any way...
you could do that
before you get raped?
What part of Mandingo
party do you not understand?
It's time to power
the white rabbit.
You know.... dirty the snow.
You know.... dirty the snow.
- I'm screwed.
- It's not that bad.
Lights, please. Thank you.
So after several exhausting
days of the exorcism...
her, read an incantation...
and the demon left
the woman's body.
I suppose I just
sat back and watched.
I mean, I'm just the medium
who puts her life in danger...
Every time she reaches
out to demonic forces.
But you've got a Bible and
a bottle of holy water...
so you make the
world a safer place!
The fact is, people,
is that God is real...
the Devil is real,
and monsters exist.
They're vicious,
terrifying entities!
But the good news is,
Santa Claus doesn't exist...
so you don't have to worry
about some creepy old guy...
- ...coming down your chimney.
- What exactly are you guys?
And who the f*** hired you?
You can call us Ned and Noreen.
You can call us Ned and Noreen.
See? This is why you don't
hire from Craig's List.
A**hole!
I don't understand why you
always have to take the credit!
I mean, even your name comes
first on our book cover...
I mean, even your name comes
first on our book cover...
and I am the one with a gift!
It's not my fault that
in alphabetical order!
Is that why Ned comes
before Noreen in the bedroom?
Just once I'd like you to do
that thing with your thumb...
and your forefinger. I think
they call it the "Shocker"?
Yeah, well, I would like
you to do that thing...
Yeah, well, I would like
you to do that thing...
with my balls and the Shocker...
Hi! Can we help you?
Yes. There's something
horrible happening in my house.
My family doesn't realize
what's going on, but I do!
I'm sure that there's
a rational explanation...
Please! They're white!
Please! They're white!
Why didn't you say that?
Oh, my God! You
should lead with that!
I mean, if you're black we just
assume that your hauntings are...
bill collectors or
racist police officers.
But 99% of all hauntings happen
to white people, that's a fact.
But 99% of all hauntings happen
to white people, that's a fact.
What he means to say is,
of course we'll help you.
Thank you so much.
So we're here to help you people.
I mean "you people" as a couple.
It wasn't racist
till you explained it.
Yeah.
The bad news is, you have
a demon in your house.
The bad news is, you have
a demon in your house.
Here we go again.
Okay, wait. So the
house really is haunted?
Megan, it's not the
house that's haunted.
I knew it! I knew it! It's
always the little white girl.
Think about it. "The Exorcist",
"The Last Exorcism"...
Think about it. "The Exorcist",
"The Last Exorcism"...
"The Exorcism of Emily
Rose", all white girls.
'Cause ain't no black parents
gonna have no white girls...
talkin' like that.
"B*tch, whatta you mean?
Who're you cursin' at? And turn
the f***in' air down in here!"
Malcolm, just listen for a second.
When we first met you,
there was something...
When we first met you,
there was something...
attached to you.
That was a hemorrhoid.
That was... it's good now.
This dark entity has
attached itself to him...
and now it's feeding
off of all of you.
So what you're saying is that
this is all Malcolm's fault.
That's right.
Your family could've left here
at any time, but now you're stuck.
Your family could've left here
at any time, but now you're stuck.
Like a piece of toilet
paper stuck on your shoe...
when you leave the bathroom.
Your wife knew the whole time,
but she didn't tell you...
because she wanted
you to walk around...
- ...and look like an idiot.
- Get over it!
- ....and look like an idiot.
- Get over it!
I'm not the one who
had an affair with...
some low rent palm
reader from Akron!
And you never would've known
if you weren't a psychic!
But I am psychic, Ned!
What is that for?
What you're thinking about
doing to Megan in two seconds:
What you're thinking about
doing to Megan in two seconds:
One, two, see?
We came on short notice.
We may need an extra pair of hands.
- I know a guy. He's Mexican.
Megan, let's go to your contacts.
Hey, nice camera.
I take it your third cousin
owns electronics shops.
Somethin' like that.
He sells them out of
the back of his truck.
He sells them out of
the back of his truck.
It's a mobile operation.
Let me know if you want one.
Hey, Ned, something weird.
All these clocks stop at 3:27
when the hauntings happen.
Normally, it's 3:07.
Nope, we're on CP time.
The demon will manifest
itself in many ways.
The demon will manifest
itself in many ways.
To your son, it's
his imaginary friend.
To your daughter it's
the voice inside the box.
For Malcolm it's that
sexy little doll Abigail.
See? It's a manifestation!
You think I'd bang
a doll for no reason?
- Malcolm! Shut up.
- What we're about to do...
- Malcolm! Shut up.
- What we're about to do...
is the first step in banishing
the demon to the netherworld.
What is that?
This helps me communicate
with the demon.
Organic, hydroponically
grown OG Kush.
Very strong.
Very strong.
This is some good sh*t.
- Pass the man the sh*t.
- We grow it ourselves.
- High water bill.
- That's that sh*t right there!
Let me get another hit.
I'm goin' to the further.
Let me get another hit.
I'm goin' to the further.
1 fan
Submitted on August 05, 2018
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"A Haunted House 2" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 25 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/a_haunted_house_2_1926>.
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