A Hole in the Head Page #4

Just take off. Africa, maybe.

And let the wind blow.

You go meet your square brother.

Have a good swim, Esther.

- Kiwi.

- Kook.

So how come he's not here to meet us?

If I could give you a reason,

would I give you a reason?

- The boy's in hospital.

- He said the boy had a stomachache.

What am I doing here? All of a sudden,

you got me on an airplane.

- Mario, call up all the hospitals.

- I'm not gonna call the hospitals.

You're making me crazy, you know that?

Come on, we'll go by ourselves.

Taxi. Come on.

Yahoo!

Yahoo!

- Peewee the kiwi.

- Oh, shut up, you kook.

- You taste good.

- You're salty.

Here you are.

Pardon me, sir. Do you have

a snapshot of yourself?

- What?

- I haven't gotten a dime tip since 1932.

I'd just love to frame it along with

a picture of the sport that gave it to me.

You got so much money

you don't need a dime?

Well, I need a dime

and I got more money than you.

- For heaven's sake, come on...

- I don't know about that.

A nice how-do-you-do, isn't it?

What am I doing in Florida?

Airplane...

- Very nice pictures for a little boy.

- Where is everybody?

They're all at the hospital.

Look in the phone book.

You and your hospital.

Who's here?

- Anybody here?

- Mario.

- Mario, will you stop it?

- What do you want me to do, stand here?

- Geronimo!

- (Ally) Geronimo!

- (Fred) Geronimo!

- I got it, Fred. Geronimo!

Geronimo!

I'm so happy.

(Fred and Ally laugh)

Excelsior!

Garden of Eden...

May I help you, sir? Uncle Mario!

- Ally!

- When did you get out of the hospital?

- Hospital?

- What are you doing up? You all right?

- You had me worried to death.

- I'm OK.

- I won't say nothing.

- Where's Pop? He went to meet you.

Look how pale he looks. You got a fever?

I think he's got a fever.

You know how much it costs

to go on the airplane? Over 200...

- Who are you?

- I'm...

$200. I gotta leave my store.

But I won't say nothing.

You should thank God

the boy's all right. $200?

Are you mad because he's not sick?

Ally, you had me worried to death.

Well, come on inside.

I think Pop will be here in a minute.

- He went out to meet you.

- Well, he did it again.

I swore I'd never live to see the day

I'd believe a word he told me.

But look at me.

I'm standing here in Florida.

It's a good thing we came.

At least we know.

I tell you, it's a miracle

we didn't get here dead. Airplanes.

No more. You could pay me money.

You could kill me first.

You don't have a kitchen?

- There's so many restaurants near here.

- Restaurants...

You sit there.

A woman says "Put the belt on."

I look out, fire is coming out of the motor.

I told her "Look at the fire there."

She gives me a piece of chewing gum.

The motor is on fire.

She expects you to sit there

like a dope, chewing.

What kind of crazy chair

to have around the place?

- You have a maid cleans up for you?

- Oh, sure. It's very comfortable here.

I tell you the truth, though -

it's very nice when you come to think of it.

Six o'clock I'm sitting in my own kitchen,

now I can look around, see a coconut.

Four hours, would you believe it?

Now, on the train, we're in Baltimore

and my underwear

is just beginning to crawl up on me.

- Mario!

- What did I say? Underwear?

Would somebody like a hot dog,

or something?

- Is that your supper?

- No, I had a good supper.

I just bought these. I thought you might be

hungry, getting off the plane, and all.

(she weeps)

- What are you crying about?

- He thought we might be hungry.

- Ally, you're a dear.

- Everything, she cries.

Ally, your poor, dear mama,

may she rest in peace,

she used to worry about you. Are you

warm enough? Did you eat enough?

Now, when I find you here in the middle

of who knows what kind of people -

drunken bums, dope fiends, gamblers...

Ally, you're gonna like living with us.

You'll have three meals a day.

- Make friends in a nice neighbourhood.

- Sophie.

I'll see you later.

- No, no, no. You go up the back.

- No.

Wait up for me.

There you are. I went out to the airport.

I looked all over for you.

You couldn't wait?

- Sophie, how's your virus?

- Don't do that.

Mario, it's good to see you.

How are you feeling?

What's the matter?

What are you thinking? Come on, already.

At the airport I ran into a little old lady

I know, I know a hundred years.

Well, Tony, you haven't changed.

Eh, Tony?

You. Did you take your stomach

medicine? He's got stomach trouble.

- Stomach trouble...

- Yeah...

You're looking good, Tony.

Like a doctor.

- Look how he looks like a doctor.

- Hm. Like a doctor...

Go ahead, go to bed.

- (Sophie) Look at all those suits.

- You like 'em?

How much did they cost you?

Big hotel man, huh?

Look at these two people.

Are you kidding?

These don't belong to me,

they belong to Ally.

Since he had the stomach trouble

he lost a little weight, you know.

We owe the rent,

we can't pay the phone bill,

we gotta pay the laundryman,

he buys $100 suits!

Ally in those suits.

- You're a funny guy.

- Yeah, that's some Tony.

I've got a suggestion.

You must be tired...

- Garden of Eden. Didn't I tell you?

- Tell me what?

Remember the last time I was here?

I looked around the place.

They got hotels in the best

neighbourhoods for the same money.

Why should they stop here?

I told you then, get rid of the place.

If you're not giving me

the money, forget it.

You want me to throw good money

in the ash can?

- If that's the way you want to be, fine.

- What?

- You're my brother.

- No more. I'm not your brother.

- Mario.

- You want him, take him.

From now on, she's your brother.

- Come on, in the other room.

- Forget it.

- What do I owe you? Do I owe you?

- Skip it.

Look, go. Go in your big car. Big shot.

- Now I'm running away with his money.

- Big shot.

I don't have a Cadillac car.

I don't run around with tramps.

- What tramps?

- That's who you go around with.

I've got a Chevrolet, ten years. It runs

good. Takes me where I want to go.

- I don't have a Cadillac car, you bum.

- Bum?

You know why it runs good?

I take care of it.

- Who's talking about cars?

- $100 suits.

- Oh, don't be crazy.

- In your whole life, you ever sat still?

Running here, there. How many times

did you come to me for help?

It's time you stood

on your own two feet.

All you do is run around with girls,

who knows what?

You need money, your brother Mario.

Only no more. Nothing. Not a penny.

All right. Who needs you?

Goodbye, good luck.

- You got a disease.

- What disease?

You're happiness-crazy. You're a bum.

- Bum?

- Bum. That's what you are, a bum.

Do you want to wake up

the neighbourhood?

We've got things to talk about.

There's no reason

we can't sit down and talk about it.

Now sit down, Mario.

Serves you right. Sit down, Ton...

Tony, I want you to think about this

before you say no.

Don't say what you're gonna say, Sophie.

We'll let the boy live here

like a bum with hot dogs?

- You're not gonna take my kid.

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