A Hole in the Head Page #9

she would flip.

She used to say

"Little nests for little people."

She always said that,

may she rest in peace.

She was very religious.

Are you religious?

I think so.

I wish I was religious.

She was the sweetest thing

you've ever seen.

We used to have a store.

A store! We had a gang of them.

We went bankrupt the first of every month,

like clockwork.

That poor girl, she worked like a dog.

It was pretty tough, 12 hours a day.

And what could you hope for?

A car. A little house. A couple of kids.

- Nothing.

- Nothing?

What else is there?

You're a very fine person, Mrs Rogers.

Thank you. You're kind of nice yourself.

There's something I should tell you.

It's one thing to kid some jerk along,

but, well, with you it's different.

I couldn't do it to you.

You see, I have a piece of paper in

my coat pocket called an eviction notice.

It means they'll kick me out of business

unless I can come up with $5,000.

So that's the reason

why I said OK to my brother Mario,

he should bring you over to meet me,

so I could borrow the money off of him.

I don't quite follow you.

Well, I can't blame you,

but I'll try to make it clearer.

He wanted me to meet you

and I said OK.

Now we've met, I'll tell him

that we got along pretty well

and we like each other

and we're probably gonna get married.

And that he should get

the five-and-ten ready.

In the meantime, I have to have a couple

of thousand dollars to get along on.

After he gives it to me,

I'll give it to my landlord

so he shouldn't kick me

out of the hotel.

That way, I'm back in action again.

See what I mean?

That's the kind of guy I am.

I don't want to get married. I never had

any intention of getting married.

I had to tell you that

because I didn't want to hurt you

or kid you along.

I really enjoyed meeting you, Mrs Rogers.

It's really been a pleasure.

Well, where are you going?

I figure I better take a powder.

You don't want me around after that.

Who's going to eat all the groceries?

Mrs Rogers, maybe you didn't understand

me, but I needed you for a stooge.

Well, I'm glad somebody

finally needs me for something.

You have to stay anyway, because...

You prescribed my medicine, remember?

Eat with man.

I can't understand why some guy didn't

snap you up a long time ago, Mrs Rogers.

Eloise.

- Eloise?

- Yes.

- Awful, isn't it?

- Oh, that's a doozy.

We've got to do something about that.

What do you think they're doing now?

Having coffee?

- Oh, thank you, Ally.

- Thanks, Ally.

- Good. That's enough.

- I bet they're having coffee.

- Not Pop.

- Yeah, coffee.

Who's talking to you?

Piece of ice.

The whole world,

a piece of ice is a piece of ice.

In Miami it isn't good enough for them.

They gotta make it fancy,

put a hole in the middle like a doughnut.

You want a doughnut, buy a doughnut.

You want ice...

How come they make it

look like a doughnut?

- That's the trouble with the whole world.

- Don't give yourself a heart attack.

(car horn)

Tony? What happened?

Did you have a fight?

- What fight?

- What are you home so early for?

I had a wonderful time.

How can you eat a meal and leave?

Didn't you talk on the sofa?

Look at how these two watch me

like a hawk. Can I get out of here, Sophie?

You. I got a surprise for you.

Close your eyes and hold out your hands.

Mm-hm.

- What's your favourite kind of cake?

- Coconut.

- Not coconut. Your favourite.

- That is my favourite.

Are you trying to be funny?

What's your favourite cake?

- Coconut.

- Oh, I'm gonna flatten you.

- What do you want me to say?

- Layer cake.

She asked me what your favourite was.

I said it was layer cake.

- Where'd you get that idea?

- Ever see such a kid?

Did you like her?

Are you gonna see her again?

Please, tell me what happened.

Did you like her? Are you gonna

see her again? What happened?

- Life is just a bowl of cherries.

- Why?

- I don't know. I'm no philosopher.

- Please tell me. Do you like her?

First, taste something delicious.

Break off a piece. Go ahead.

Break off a piece, Mario. Taste that.

I never saw anything like it.

She got a little bowl, put a couple things

in it. Two minutes, she had a cake.

- Delicious?

- She likes it very sweet.

- It's delicious.

- I don't make it quite so sweet.

Is that delicious?

You, I'm through with altogether.

Coconut cake. You Benedict Arnold.

- Very good, though.

- It's delicious.

I've never felt so good.

I'm proud of myself.

I wanna tell you about her place. A pretty

little room about half the size of my car,

but the way she's got it fixed up -

like a palace.

- I can't tell, Mario. Does he mean it?

- I should drop dead on this spot.

- Now I'm worried.

- Look, I really mean it.

I don't know what's gonna happen,

but maybe if I see her some more

I think maybe we'll get married.

- Tony! Oh, Tony!

- Pop!

- How about that?

- I'm very happy.

For the first time in my life,

I'm proud of you.

- Look, he's crying. Look who's crying.

- All of a sudden I cry.

- I appreciate this.

- Who's crying? You're a good boy, Ally.

Tony, this is what I prayed for - a good

wife for you and a nice home for Ally.

She talked about you.

For an hour she talked.

But I told her, I said

"Wait till you meet that nag."

Listen, let's dress up and celebrate, huh?

You go change clothes.

Wait, you're going the wrong way.

- I gotta do something.

- What do you gotta do?

I sorta promised I'd light a candle

if you and Mrs Ro... Well, you know.

I'll be right back.

Oh, Mario, a candle.

Light a candle. How about this kid?

How can anything go wrong with me

with him around?

Come on, Sophie, doll up.

We'll light a million candles.

- Tony!

- You're my sister-in-law.

- Stick around while I change, eh?

- Yeah, I will.

It sounds good to me,

for the first time in my life,

the idea of having a nice little five-and-ten

and a nice little home in a nice little town.

- How long to get the store ready?

- It's ready now.

That's wonderful. We'll take a trip

to look the place over. Maybe tomorrow.

Good.

I'll have to ask you

to lend me a couple of dollars

for, well, transportation and incidentals.

- What do you mean, a couple of dollars?

- A couple of thousand to tide me over.

I gotta have a little petty cash.

Why? So you can give it to Diamond

and he won't throw you out of this hotel?

- What are you talking?

- Not this time, Mr Big Shot.

The day you walk into that five-and-ten

with your wife, I'll give you a nice cheque.

Mario.

I need the money now.

They're throwing me out tomorrow.

No. No. No.

I knew it. I know him like a book.

Why do I believe him?

- Listen, Mario, let's talk. I need you.

- "Light a candle," the boy says.

- You came down to help me, didn't you?

- For me, no feelings, but for his own son?

- Mario, you're my brother. Help me.

- I believed you.

If I lose the hotel,

how am I gonna help the kid?

How? Help him like I helped my children.

Like two billion others have helped

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