A Picture Worth a Thousand Words Page #4

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Hey, my brother, what's happening,

brother? What's going on?

Hey! Was that a drive-by?

What was that?

Somebody tell me, was that a drive-by?

Thanks, son! White people sure is nice!

Hey, Mr. McCall.

Hey, about my book,

any chance you read it yet?

Great story, right?

Oh, you did read it.

Oh, God, and you hate the story.

Okay, but the writing is good, right?

No? Well, why don't you lie to me?

You've been lying to me for three years

about how you couldn't read it.

Now suddenly you read it, you hate it,

it sucks and you just smash my hopes

on the rocks of

"Hey, Wayne, go back to Nebraska

"and shave sheep with your dad."

You don't know what it's like

to be a writer. I hate myself.

I hate myself, do you get that?

I hate myself!

I'll park your car.

Yeah, I'll park your car,

Mr. Encouragement.

Mr. McCall, thank God you're here.

I have a lot of messages.

Do you want to start with the most

recent or the most urgent?

You got a sore throat? Okay, don't talk.

Okay. How about some tea?

Cough medicine?

How about a notepad to write on?

Okay.

Well, then how am I supposed to know

what you want me to...

Mr. McCall, are you not speaking to me

because you're mad at me?

You found out that I left work early

yesterday. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Okay, I have stomach problems

and I had to run home

because I can't use public bathrooms.

I'm seeing a therapist about it.

Okay.

Jack, is this about the Christmas party?

I'm so sorry.

That was the peach schnapps

that tried to kiss your wife, not me.

I mean, I don't want to kiss your wife,

even though her lips felt like heaven.

I'm gonna go.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

You found my video camera

with the furry tapes.

Pardon me, Mr. McCall.

Samantha asked me to get you.

She wants to introduce you

to somebody.

Yeah, Mary, the jig's up, okay?

He knows what we do in here,

in his office, after work,

on his desk, in his chair.

Mr. McCall, I just want

to say, first of all

you know, she's the one that always

wanted to be the filthier animals,

like the skunk and the naughty beaver.

I tried to be the more dignified animals

like the wolf

and the California black bear.

And don't hurt me, I'm sorry.

It's just this sexual hunger I have.

It's insatiable.

I mean, you understand. You're a...

You want to go outside

and settle this like men?

All right, fine! Let's do it.

No, I didn't mean it! I'm sorry.

Jack, I have to introduce you

to Christian Lger de la Touffe,

European market.

Christian, this is Le Jack.

Bonjour. I've heard a lot about you.

Jack, tell Christian

the whole story about Sinja.

Tell him all the great details.

Go ahead.

Ecoutez. You're going to die.

Life is a journey.

Life is a what?

Life is a journey?

Can you repeat that, please?

Life is a journey.

"Life is a journey."

Life is a journey, yeah.

I don't get it.

You like to party on us.

- Good afternoon.

- Hi.

Jack McCall.

Yes, Mr. McCall, your party

is waiting for you. Right this way.

You want me to do all the talking?

No, no, no, I can't,

I don't know what to say.

Just do what you would do?

Is that good?

Wait, wait, wait, okay.

Let's have signs,

like if I'm doing well,

you pull on your ear. Okay?

And then that can mean that I need to do better.

That's fine, too.

We were starting to think

you stood us up.

Robert Gilmore, VP of Acquisitions.

This is Gil Reed, head of Marketing

at Simon and Schuster.

Handshake.

Come on, man, we are brothers!

Hit me hard and high, Gil.

Bam! That's right.

Aaron Wiseberger,

agent, friend of mankind

and a lover of every book

you guys have ever published.

Come on, what is this, Mickey D's?

Let's get some service up in here!

Got a man

with a bad case of the dry mouth!

Why don't you sit your ass down,

come on.

Good afternoon,

can I get you something to drink?

How about the distillery

to start off with, huh?

Vodka, rocks for me.

Four waters for the table,

and this fine guy right here,

is gonna have a hot toddy.

His voice is shot.

But you know what?

That's what he gets for screaming

for more lap dances all night!

You crazy bastard.

I have four waters,

vodka rocks, hot toddy.

My man.

Gentlemen, we don't

want to play games on this one.

Good, games are for children.

The statistics speak for themselves.

Dr. Sinja has a huge fan base

around the world.

We want to be the company

to broaden that fan base here.

We think we have a great offer.

A $250,000 advance

against 15% of the gross.

That sounds great.

All right, I'ma need y'all to quit playing

with me and pull out your big guns

because this is

"Show Me Your Dick" time, fellas!

Damn, Jack, look at you,

sweating like a b*tch.

Just chill out, homey.

I got this. Gil, come here.

Gil, what I need from... Stay with me.

What I need from you

is to bring that paper.

You know, you got to turn the volume up

on that offer, homey,

'cause I can't hear it.

I'm a young man.

My ears are good. I can't hear it.

We can't go higher

if we haven't even seen the book yet.

That's what it sounds like.

Look, you can't expect us to bid higher

when we haven't seen the book,

can you?

That's ridiculous.

Do you know

who the hell you're talking to?

I'm Aaron Wiseberger!

You better recognize, son!

I find both your language

and demeanor insulting and intolerable.

Simon and Schuster doesn't

do business with spineless jerks. Gil?

No, no, no, wait! Wait, gentlemen, wait.

Listen, I'm sorry

if I offended you back there.

I was just doing my agent act.

You know?

I mean, I don't even have a real degree.

I went to community college,

and that was only because my grandma

was sleeping with the dean.

Good luck, gentlemen. You'll need it.

The wheels on the bus

go round and round

Round and round, round and round

The wheels on the bus

go round and round

All through the town

Wait a minute, Dads.

We have a lip syncher.

Mouther.

Everyone needs to sing along, Dad.

See, 'cause Tyler's

taking his cues from you, okay?

He really needs you to sing along.

The wipers on the bus go...

Swish...

Swish, swish, swish

Swish, swish, swish

Swish, swish, swish

The wipers on the bus

go swish, swish, swish

All through the town

Okay, Tyler,

are you ready to go to the moon?

Here we go!

He's finally down.

Can we talk?

It's kind of funny

how you got singled out in that class

for not knowing the words, right?

I mean, Jack McCall

not knowing the words?

That's a rarity.

It was really sweet, Jack.

It makes me very happy

to see the two of you in that circle.

I think it's really important

that you guys have at least one thing

that you do together, you know?

So, they offer it twice a week.

Which day would you prefer,

Tuesday or Wednesday?

Can't.

You can't.

You can't take one hour

out of your week

to be with your son? I don't understand.

What, the pool? The view? Wow.

I am trying to talk to

you about our child

and you want to fight

about the house again?

Look, honey, could you just try

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