A Picture Worth a Thousand Words Page #5

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for a second to talk to me about Tyler?

Just be here with me right now. What...

Apparently not.

Okay, that's good to know.

Sorry!

Sorry?

I'll let your son know

that you're "sorry."

My life.

It's our life, Jack.

I know that when we fell in love,

it was a whirlwind romance

and then it seems like

I brought up the idea of having a baby,

and, like, overnight we were pregnant.

But that's just how

life works sometimes.

Have you ever heard the expression,

"Man plans, God laughs"?

Two days.

Two? Two days till what?

Jack, what? To what?

Honey, you got to talk to me!

What? You're like a mental patient

with the pointing

and the grunting. What?

All of my talking is making you sick.

That's great. You know what?

I won't talk anymore.

How about that? You don't want to talk?

I don't want to talk, either.

Welcome to the international directory.

Are you looking for a country code?

Are you still there?

Yes!

What country

would you like the code for?

Bolivia.

I'm sorry. I couldn't make that out.

Bolivia.

Namibia. Is that correct?

No, stupid!

Let me connect you

to the next available...

International directory.

Country code, Bolivia.

City, Potos. Business listing, La Paz.

Sinja!

Yes!

Hello? This is Dr. Sinja. Who's calling?

Who's calling?

Jack McCall!

Jack! Yes, well,

you're calling for an update, yes?

I'm sorry, Jack, I forgot.

Trying to save our words, right?

Just make an animal noise

if I'm correct.

Good. Well, I have nothing yet,

but I return tomorrow

and I shall call you as soon as I land.

Bye, Jack!

D*ckhead!

"D*ckhead" is one word!

You are messing with the wrong guy!

What's up, my man? Can I get

something started for you today?

Sure. Venti triple-shot latte.

Venti triple-shot iced latte.

Extra milk?

Jack! What the hell happened

at lunch yesterday?

I got a call from Simon and Schuster.

They're pulling out of the deal.

They said some twerp junior agent

came to the meeting with you,

that he was rude, uncouth and stupid!

Now I have teed up

Random House perfectly here,

so don't screw this up, too.

These guys are ready to pay.

Just keep it down

to business and it's a done deal.

Miss Davis?

I've got Mr. Parker

from Random House on the line.

Okay, here we go.

It's a no-brainer, Jack.

A deaf mute could close this deal.

I'm late for a meeting.

Call me when you're done?

You promise you're gonna call me?

Don't let me down, Jack.

Jack!

Don Parker.

I got Sarah Elliot, Rick Panero with us.

Jack, are you there?

Hello? Jack, are you there?

Hello?

Good.

Hey, I guess Samantha

told you we were interested.

Great.

So what do you say we make a deal?

Jack?

Hello? You want to get started or no?

Good. Okay, listen.

Let's skip the formalities,

get right down to specifics.

We talked internally.

We thought

a realistic offer would be 250.

What do you say?

What if I bumped it up to 275?

You really need to consider the 275.

Why don't you run it by your people?

We'll wait.

Okay, okay, Okay-

Sorry, sorry, sorry.-

I just need to borrow this for a minute.

I'll explain later.

I need to borrow this. It's for Jack.

Rachel, I think

there's some real secret sh*t

that I'm gonna start telling everybody

if you don't give me the damn doll!

So what's the verdict on the 275?

Are you in, are you out?

We haven't even seen the book.

What's the problem? You don't trust

our publicity department?

You're damn right they are!

So what's the hang up?

Hey, you gonna start throwing insults?

Listen, if that's the way

you're gonna handle this,

we'll just call the whole deal off.

Check the attitude.

All right, Jack, look.

Just throw me a bone here.

What if I bumped it up to 300?

Fine! I give up! Five hundred!

If I get 500 approved,

are we closed?

You are gonna owe me

so big next time, mister.

Tyler is teething, poor thing,

and it's terrible, you know,

because he's not sleeping,

I'm not sleeping.

Jack's not getting any ass?

Can you...

He won't even baby-proof the kitchen.

Why in the world

would I give him some?

Are you wearing

granny panties right now?

Excuse me?

Are you wearing

granny panties right now?

And a nursing bra?

I am not answering that.

You don't have to.

I am doing the best I can.

I have a present for you.

What is that?

Do not judge me by what's in this bag.

No.

No, I cannot do this.

Why not?

Because I am not that kind of girl.

That's why they make tequila.

Tequila plus ass equals happiness.

How can I help you, sir?

Meeting someone.

I was told you'd be punctual.

My! You're a wee slip of a thing,

aren't you? But all right.

Climb aboard.

I'm so sorry about the mix-up.

Caroline McCall's in room 413.

You looking for someone?

I've been thinking about you all day,

about all the things I want to do

to you.

Let me help you.

Now why don't you

tell me what you want.

Tell me all the little

naughty things

you want me to do to you.

Bow-chik-a-bow-wow.

Don't be scared, babe.

Just spicing things up a bit.

Here's how it's gonna work, baby.

The more you say, the more I do.

So tell me what you want. Come on.

Talk dirty to me, Jack.

Don't you want me?

Yeah?

Come on, then say it.

Tell me what you want me to do.

Yeah, yeah, talk dirty.

Come on, Jack.

Come on, you can do it, that's right.

That's right, Jack, come on.

Come on, Jack, Jack.

Talk dirty to me, Jack!

I don't know what I was thinking.

Honey, I just wanted to try

to prove to you

that we could still have fun.

But I guess we can't.

So, I'm so embarrassed.

Okay, Jack, this isn't working.

We don't...

We're not what we used to be.

I mean, not since Tyler was born.

It's just different.

It's like we've forgotten

how to talk to each other.

I mean, don't you think it's different?

Jack, I don't even know

if you love me anymore.

Are you still in love with me?

Okay, well, then, you have to say that,

you have to tell me that, okay?

I want to hear you say it.

I love you.

No, Jack, please,

I need to hear it. Okay?

I need you to say, "Caroline,

I love you, and I want to be with you.

"I want to spend the rest of my life

with you and never let you go."

Can you please say that?

Can you say that?

Yes!

But that's it.

Okay.

Okay, so I think that

we should see a professional,

somebody that we can sit down

and talk to,

and they can help us

figure out how to end all this.

What?

There's a tree.

Losing leaves. Strength.

When I talk, leaves go.

And when leaves go,

I die.

That's what this is about?

Some midlife crisis bullshit?

You're here to tell me this poem

about your leaves falling,

like if you somehow

communicate with me,

you're gonna be less of a man?

Jack, get out

No, really.

Go.

I want to be alone, please.

Jack, now.

Jack! Hey, Sam is at lunch right now

closing your deal

with Random House and don't kill me,

but I stepped away from my desk

and somebody

sent a copy of Sinja's book over.

Are you mad?

Oh, look who it is!

- Hey, Jack.

- Hi, Jack.

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