A Prairie Home Companion Page #3

because that's what

got you here, you know?

And if you hadn't gone through

all the things that you went through...

why, you know,

you wouldn't have wound up...

where you are now, so,

I don't know.

Disappointment doesn't

get you anywhere.

Anywhere.

Aren't you wonderful?

Well, one door closes

and another one opens...

then, you know, everything is

a step along the way...

and it all leads to something else.

Pardon me if I don't

get down on my knees.

Well, that's what I think.

Ahem. Read me some of your poem.

It's not finished.

Huh?

OK.

'Soliloquy for a Blue Guitar.

'Death is easy...

'like jumping into the big, blue air...

'and waving hello to God.

'God is love...

'but he doesn't necessarily

drop everything...

'to catch you, does he?

'So, when you hook the hose up

to your tailpipe...

'don't expect to wake up

and get toast for breakfast.

'The toast is you.'

Hey, what was

the name of that song?

Well, did you like it?

I won't be loanin' you my car

any time soon.

Hose to the tailpipe.

Thank you so much.

I want to come in here

and sing a song for you...

called Slow Days of Summer.

Send this out to all the friends

in my little hometown...

up north of here up on the river.

# Slow days of summer #

# In this old town #

# Sun goes across the sky #

# Sometimes a car goes by #

# There's one right now #

# Looks like a Chevy #

# Your Chevy's blue #

# This Chevy's white and brown #

# It doesn't slow down #

# This looks like new #

# You said you'd be here #

# Someday yourself #

# Maybe by Saturday #

# If you can get away #

# You'll let me know #

You came back.

I did.

The Presbyterians weren't

who you were looking for?

No, Mr. Noir.

I was sent here.

What can I do for you?

Really nothing.

I'll take care of it.

# Playing a note... #

You have a nice show here, Mr. Noir.

Thanks. We like it.

Do you believe in the fullness of time

and the spirit?

Most people don't, you know.

It would be good, Mr. Noir,

if you would open your heart...

to the fullness of time and the spirit...

which upholds and sustains us all

through this world. Amen.

Whatever you say.

Hmm.

# Waiting for love to come #

# All is alive #

# Birds sing with angel tongues #

# Small stones like diamonds #

# All down the drive #

# Around the corner,

an old dog appears #

# Sits in the summer sun #

# Waiting for love to come #

# Wish you were here #

# Wish you were here #

# Ooh #

Thank you, boys.

And the next week, we're back

doin' the county fair circuit...

changin' our petticoats

in the ladies' toilet...

and the boys tryin' to peek in.

Ha ha ha!

That was the only

good part about it.

Then you have to go outdoors

and sing in the open air...

with a cloud of mosquitoes

around your head.

Remember that time...

honestly, Lola, honest to God...

a dragonfly flew right in my mouth.

Oh, yeah!

It was this big.

I thought it was a bird.

How old were you then?

I was thirteen.

Your mother was ten.

Wanda was what?

Wanda was sixteen.

Connie, fifteen.

Yep.

That was the end of it.

The end of the road.

That was a great...

You know, Wanda took it

real hard, didn't she?

A week later, she got arrested.

For what?

You never told me this.

Shoplifting, and I did tell you this.

Mom, you're going senile.

You didn't tell me that.

No...

She was havin'

a cup of coffee in the cafe.

She ordered a glazed doughnut.

She started eatin' it

and she got a sugar rush.

She was diagnosed hypoglycemic.

And so, she forgets

she didn't pay for the doughnut...

and she walks out the door.

- It wasn't two minutes...

- But they arrested her for shopliftin'.

The red lights are flashin'

and she's in handcuffs...

- And they had a policeman there.

- And the cameras, the TV camera...

- the station came right down.

- It was on the news.

And her hair is, like, stickin' out like this

and she's bawlin'...

and Daddy sees it

on the 10:
00 newscast.

'Cause he was

in the hospital with Mama.

She was havin' her tubes tied

after Johnny was born.

Thank you.

- Didn't need to know that.

- Well.

Daddy sees Wanda gettin' arrested

on TV for shoplifting.

He has a major coronary occlusion.

Yeah.

He just climbed up into

the hospital bed with Mama...

then he pulled the sheet

up over his own face...

and when the nurse came in,

he was dead.

That was it.

You know?

He left a note, 'cause Wanda got

released from jail just for the funeral.

He said, 'Wanda, you broke my heart.

Signed, Daddy.'

She did thirty days

for one glazed doughnut.

A 59-cent doughnut.

If it had been rock and roll...

she could have

thrown sofas out of the window...

hotel window.

No, not even her own sofa.

She could throw somebody else's sofa

out the window.

You don't know what kind

of passersby at the bottom.

She could have been hittin' people.

It wouldn't have mattered.

But when you're playin' to

Christian family audiences like we were...

you so much as forget to pay

for a damn doughnut...

they throw you out like

a piece of garbage.

Sooner kill you than look at you.

Some of those good people, eh?

The Soderberg family selling out!

I just do not get it.

I mean, they've owned WLT...

since they ran it

out of a sandwich shop.

I mean, that's what the call letters

stand for, you know.

'With Lettuce and Tomato.'

Did you know that?

I mean, how do you just walk away

from somethin' like that?

I mean, what are we?

Used Kleenex?

They got old, babe.

They started thinking

about ease and comfort.

Then, I figure, they saw a brochure

about an island with palm trees...

and an azure sky

and miles of sand...

and they thought, 'Hey! Ha ha!

'We don't have to suffer through

these miserable Minnesota winters.

'We don't have to freeze our butts off

waiting for our bus to come.

'Our bus has come. It's here.

We'll leave the business to the kids...

'and we'll head for paradise

and to hell with it.'

Only trouble is...

the kids had already gone down

to paradise ahead of them.

So then, a big corporation

down in Texas...

offered them

a gazillion dollars for it.

Texans.

Sure.

They talk funny

and their eyes don't focus...

and their flesh is rotting

and falling off...

but hey. You know. So what?

Yeah, nobody's perfect and, uh...

money is money...

so, the Soderbergs took the dough.

End of story.

Do you have any tweezers?

Egg salad or ham salad?

Why are you crying?

Well, it's the last show.

I'm never going to see

these people again.

You'll see them again.

I knew all of them from the old days.

Soupy and Red, Ray.

And Helen.

Gone and forgotten.

Every sparrow is remembered.

I don't even know if they're gonna

make a speech or anything.

It doesn't seem right, does it?

No.

Some big company come in

and steps on us...

like we were bugs at the picnic.

What's in ham salad?

I... I can't remember the word. It was...

May I...

Maybe...

Mayo?

Mayonnaise.

Mayonnaise.

Well, it's an end of an era

when this show goes, guys.

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