A Prairie Home Companion Page #5

# And that's where I'm going to stay #

# I been searchin'

'cross the whole creation #

# Half my life or more #

# And more #

# But I found

my own sweet satisfaction #

# Right here on that muddy river shore #

# All the world is so sad and dreary #

# Everywhere I roam #

- # Oh #

- # Oh, Mama #

# Mama, how I miss the prairie #

# And my Minnesota home #

I can see my mama's sweet, sweet face

every Sunday morning.

All the good old hymns, praise God,

that we've sung.

We knelt in prayer right beside

our precious aunts and uncles...

# Who loved us when we were young #

# In the valley of darkness #

# They are the shepherds #

# Who lead me to pastures green #

# And I'll sit with my mama #

# By the still, still waters #

# And goodness and mercy follow me #

# I floated down #

# The Columbia and the Hudson #

# Walked on the banks of the Ohio #

# On the banks of the Wabash #

# And the mighty Colorado #

# And the old Red River way up north #

# All the world #

# It is a world of rivers #

# Flowing to the sea #

# Yeah #

# But here on that old Mississippi #

# Here is the home for you and me #

Come on, bring it home!

# All the world #

# It is so sad and dreary #

# Everywhere I roam #

# Oh, oh, oh #

# Oh, Mama #

# How I missed the prairie #

# E-e-e #

- Ha ha.

- Ha ha.

# And my Minnesota #

# Home #

The Johnson Girls, thank you.

Brought to you

by Powdermilk Biscuits...

in the big blue box with the picture

of the biscuit on the cover.

Heavens, they're tasty.

And expeditious.

Also brought to you

by Mel's Big Boy Buffet.

Why pay more for fancy food...

when what you really want

is meatloaf, squash...

mashed potatoes, and bread pudding...

all at Mel's Big Boy Buffet

for just 4.99.

Yes, you heard me right.

$4.99.

Let's bring out Mr. Chuck Akers here...

Mr. Chuck Akers, come out here

and give us a song.

The sweet singer of Kandiyohi County...

the heartthrob

of mature women everywhere.

My good friend, Mr. Chuck Akers.

Good to see you, sir.

Thank you, sir.

Uh, we would like to bring a song

to all of our fans.

Now, that's kind of tough to do,

'cause we're all over the place.

Take me.

Yeah, I've bounced all over.

I've done tent shows, schoolhouses,

uh, parkin' lots...

the back of trucks,

movie theaters, auditoriums.

I've even done churches.

Now, that's hard to believe, I know.

Anyway, this song is for you.

And we mean every word of it,

all right?

Sic 'em.

# Hmm #

# Do do do do #

# My bark of life #

# Was tossin' down #

# The troubled stream of time #

# When first I saw #

# Your smilin' face #

# And youth was in its prime #

# Oh, I'll ne'er forget #

# Where'er I roam #

# Wherever you may be #

# If ever I #

# Have had a friend #

# You've been that friend to me #

- Hey, Lola.

- Hi.

Heard you're gonna sing a song for us,

lookin' forward to that.

Oh, no. I don't... maybe.

Well, it sure would mean

the world to your mom.

She always said you had talent.

Yeah, I don't... I don't really know

any of their songs.

I only know my own songs.

Well, sing one of them then.

They're mostly about death.

Oh.

Well, lotta good songs about death.

All mine are about suicide.

Oh.

Yeah, you know, um,

hangin' yourself with an extension cord...

- carbon monoxide, overdose...

- Hey, ahem...

you know, we could do, uh,

Amazing Grace together.

I know Amazing Grace.

Yeah?

Well, hey, look.

I'll play the guitar,

we'll sing it together...

we'll bring this house down.

You know, I don't know

if you knew this...

- about my friend Dusty here...

- Hey, hey.

But he learned to sing gospel music

in San Quentin.

And full shush.

Yes sir, that's where I met him.

I was with Johnny Cash,

singin' in prisons.

Shut the pie hole.

There were all these

heinous, depraved criminals...

- And well...

- Liar, liar. Whatever, moron.

He sang Amazing Grace...

and it almost made you forget

what he'd done.

Which I don't wanna talk about.

You know, you are so dumb,

you may be twins.

He made me promise on a Bible

that I would never tell, and I won't.

So let that be the end of it.

Let me just say this, though.

Watch out for hugs.

Heh!

Right.

# If ever I #

# Have had a friend #

# You've been that friend #

- # To me #

- # To me #

# If ever I #

# Have had a friend #

# You've been that friend to me #

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you, G.K.

Mr. Chuck Akers!

Thank you, Chuck.

Robin and Linda Williams.

Let's come in here now

with a word about ketchup.

Yes, ketchup, made from tomatoes

that contain natural sunshine...

which we need in this part

of the country.

We are not a sunshiny people.

We're not a paradise people

or a beach people.

We are dark people.

People who believed it could be worse.

And we're waiting

for it to become worse.

We come from people

who brought us up to believe...

that life is a struggle...

and if you should

ever feel really happy...

be patient. This will pass.

- Ha ha ha.

- So we could...

When do you guys go on?

As soon as ol' spud butt here

shuts his yapper.

Thanks for the encouragement.

Hey, you are gonna be great.

Give me a hug.

All right, guys.

More show in just a moment...

but let's come in here now

with a word about shoes!

That's Guy's Shoes. Boys...

# Talkin' shoes #

# Talkin' Guy's #

# Any two, any size #

# From your ankles to your toes #

# At the bottom of your clothes #

# You're talkin' shoes #

# Talkin' Guy's #

Yes, Guy's Shoes.

They're made to last.

Ask about those Guy's Cash Shoes,

with the hole in the soles...

so you stash your cash

when you're out on the trail.

Isn't that right, Lefty?

That's where I keep mine, G.K.

All right.

Let's welcome 'em now...

the old trail hands here...

the Pachelbels of the prairie,

the Brahmses of the bunkhouse...

here they are,

Dusty and Lefty.

- Good to have you with us.

- Well, thank you, Garrison.

Yes sir, it's good to be back on the show...

because, you know, it gets

mighty lonesome out there on the prairie.

And a cowboy gets

tired of scenery after a while.

You get, well,

sceneried out, and uh...

sort of wish you had

somebody to talk to.

Somebody smart.

- Hmm.

- Ha ha ha.

So you're lonesome for people, huh?

Well, you know, it's true, Garrison.

And, uh, it-it ain't the same

just talkin' to your horse.

My horse is extremely smart.

Uh, he knows math.

He knows physics and chemistry...

but I can't seem

to teach him philosophy.

Can't teach him philosophy, eh?

Well, no. You can't put Descartes

before the horse.

- Aw...

- Ha ha ha.

That was a good one, you know?

Well, what do you reckon

we sing a song, Dusty?

Well, let's do it, Lefty.

One, two, you know what to do.

# I'm just an old cowboy #

# With twigs in my hair #

# Two-thirds alligator #

# And three-quarters bear #

# And one half a lion #

# But let it be known #

# I never told one lie #

# That was not my own #

# Whoopi-ti-yi-yo #

# Get along, little dogie #

# I eat when I'm hungry #

# I'll drink when I'm dry #

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes