A Prairie Home Companion Page #8

I'm not laughing.

You're an angel.

G.K. to the stage, please.

G.K. to the stage, please.

I should probably go.

Oh yes, of course.

I didn't come for you.

Oh. OK. All right.

I think they're waiting for me.

Oh... what did the second penguin say?

The second penguin said,

'What makes you think I'm not?' OK?

- OK.

- All right. See you.

Take your time.

Thanks.

Two minutes from broadcast.

Two minutes, please.

Ahem. Ahem. Ahem.

Could I have a word with you?

Uh, we have a situation here,

um, which we are monitoring...

but I wanted you to be apprised of it.

You mean the woman

in the white trench coat?

No, there's a woman in a w...

a white trench coat, yes.

You saw her?

- I saw her over here.

- You spoke to her?

You... no, you were talking to her.

You saw that?

Yeah. You.

Well, if you see her in the audience,

I need you to give me a high sign.

Just use... give me a signal

with your hand.

Do, uh...

No. Here, do it behind your back.

- Just... just... just wiggle.

- Rabbit tail?

Yeah, and give me a verbal, uh, sign,

some... something in code.

Just say, uh, indemnity.

- Indemnity. Yeah.

- OK.

Or no. Granite Falls.

OK. How does that...

How does that go?

Granite Falls?

Well, you just say, uh,

then we would like to do a song now...

for our dear friends in...

Granite Falls.

OK. All right. OK.

And then if I miss that,

uh, this'll be a cue for Rich...

to do a-a musical turn.

- That's the code.

- Code?

Then I'll get it. OK?

That's how I got into radio, actually.

Morse code.

I was a deckhand on a... on a boat.

Big storm. November.

I'll never forget it.

You got on the ship radio...

and you told jokes

and you sang for two hours...

until the ship came in safely to port.

Right.

I told you that story?

Granite Falls.

- G. K?

- Granite Falls. Right.

Yeah?

- If you see G.K. do that behind his back...

- Fifteen seconds.

it's your cue to go like this.

So what are you gonna do

for work after this?

I don't know.

I'll find a job somewhere.

Like where?

A job where I never have to say a word.

Why?

That's why. Right there.

What are you gonna do?

Like be an underwear model

or something?

If they ask, sure.

- You're on.

- Yes.

And we're back with more of

A Prairie Home Companion...

brought to you by the Federation

of Associated Organizations.

Somewhere there's an organization

just for you.

And brought to you by Fred Farrell...

the name you've gradually come

to trust...

when it comes

to animal nuisance control.

The Johnson Girls coming up...

and the old trail hands,

Dusty and Lefty are with us...

and our good friend Jearlyn Steele.

Jearlyn.

# The day is short #

# The night is long #

# Why do we work so hard #

# To get what we don't even want? #

# We work so hard #

# To get ahead of the game #

It's time for me to go.

Oh.

I am the angel Asphodel.

I come here to do my work

and bring mercy into the world...

and praise His holy name.

OK. That's fine with me.

You wanna be an angel?

I say you...

you be an angel.

You're angelic enough for me.

I say spread your wings and fly.

This is a revelation.

For the both of us.

Listen, if you're an angel, I, uh...

I wonder if...

you and me were to, uh...

you know.

Would you...

feel anything?

I would feel love.

# And Daddy's on the way #

# The day is short #

# The night is long #

# Why do you work so hard #

# To get what you don't even want? #

You can wait here.

This won't take long.

# The day is short #

- Do you have a ticket?

- I'm with the company.

# The night is long #

# Why do you work so hard #

# To get #

# What you don't even #

# Want? #

You got a problem with horses?

No, no, no. Just... please behave.

That's all I'm askin'.

Al, Al. There's somethin' wrong

with this bulb.

No, no.

It's supposed to blink.

That's my... so it doesn't ring.

That's my phone. Excuse me.

Yeah?

He's here?

OK. Thanks.

The, uh, axeman is here.

I'll take care of it.

All right.

Molly?

Anybody seen Molly?

# And he is awful happy that I'm here #

# And that we have New Munich Beer #

# Have a glass and tell a joke #

# About a guy who danced the polka #

# And remember that

the party has to end #

# My friend #

# Adieu, adieu, kind friends, adieu #

# Adieu, adieu #

# But first, let's have another brew #

# Maybe two #

Mr. Crust?

Cruett! I don't believe we've met.

Guy Noir.

Vice-president, Security

and, uh, Data Acquisition.

Good for you.

Show almost over?

Almost. Yes.

Just in time then.

The show's been going on how long?

Somebody said fifty years.

N-nearly. Uh, thirty... something.

Weird. It's like a time warp.

I feel like an anthropologist...

finding some primitive tribe

squatting around a fire in the forest...

telling stories,

sparks flying up in the air.

Yeah. Heh heh.

Well, we've got the, uh, luxury box

for you, right here.

Right this way.

Who's that guy?

Oh, that's the guy, uh,

used to come see the shows here.

Um, local boy.

He's a writer.

Uh, he wrote novels.

Uh, F. Scott Fitzgerald.

Grew up right here in St. Paul.

What kind of novels?

Uh, romantic ones.

- Oh.

- Mostly.

I don't read romances. No time.

Hmm. We usually have,

uh, clients in here.

You know, five or six of them

at a time, sponsors...

That's some nice plaster work

around the proscenium there.

We'll have to remember

to save a piece of that.

I wish we were taping this show.

This is a live show.

Videotape.

Historical purposes.

Send it to a museum.

Well, this is just great.

This is all I need.

This is the first time

somebody died at the show.

- I mean, the first time!

- Al, we're all gettin' older.

He's dead? !

The show's not over, is it?

We've got a dead man downstairs.

We've gotta do something.

Just be glad... glad you

don't have him onstage.

- When did this happen?

- Who's that, Chuck?

- Yes.

- Where's Evelyn?

Evelyn was down there.

He was waitin' for Evelyn

when he passed away.

He died with a heart full of hope.

Yeah, that's not a bad way to go

when you think about it.

Sittin' there in the dark,

in your underwear, you know?

Waitin' for your lover to come.

He was in his underwear?

Donna told me he was wearin'

boxer shorts with big raspberries on 'em...

and a great big bottle of massage oil

and a bayberry candle goin'...

and Mills Brothers' Greatest Hits.

He was all set.

He was loaded for Evelyn.

Well, uh, can I offer you

somethin' to drink?

Water. No ice. No lemon.

Water. No ice. No lemon.

Straight up. Neat.

Radio sound effects

learned from a master.

What can I tell you about the show?

I know everything I need

to know about the show.

- You're sure about that?

- Yes.

You're not gonna change your mind?

Ahh! No.

Hmm.

Lot of good people up there.

On the stage.

Lot of 'em.

I mean, I'm a man

of the world like yourself...

but, uh, these folks

put their lives into this.

Now they can put their lives

into something else.

There's always something

to put your life into, isn't there?

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