A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas Page #3

It's "3D."

Hmm?

Daddy-Daughter Day.

You can't back out

of Daddy-Daughter Day...

...because Emma says that

leads to abandonment issues...

...and then stripping and meth

and biker boyfriend.

- All bad things.

- Ah.

- The tree, though.

- Yes, so I called...

Oh, here it goes. Here it goes.

The itsy bitsy spider

Crawled up the water spout

They say that singing is...

...the best way to communicate

with a child.

I guess I haven't found...

...the right song for her yet.

That's too bad. Uh, the tree?

The tree. Right. So I called them.

They had one 12-foot fir left.

- And I reserved it.

- You got it?

- Yeah.

- Yes! You should have led off with that.

I know. I don't know why I didn't.

- Okay, good. Let's go.

- Whoo!

You know.

Okay. Next time.

Now, before this party...

...we got to talk about your game.

- Aw, dude, turn in there!

Really? A tree farm?

"Best selection"...

...my ass.

It's Christmas Eve, okay?

What do you expect?

If I was a tree farmer...

...I'd be embarrassed.

These trees are ghetto.

What the f*** that mean?

He's just playing.

How you doing? I'm Latrell.

Hello. Kumar.

This is my partner in crime, Lamar.

- So you two own this tree lot?

- What?

A couple of brothers can't sell trees?

Only swing from them like monkeys?

What? No! Of course not.

You could do both.

- What?

- What?

My boy here gets cagey

during the holidays.

- You know?

- Word. Word.

If you're looking for trees,

you should know we do custom work.

- Ooh. How much is that?

- That tree? Sorry.

Just got reserved.

I really need it. I'll pay double.

Oh, I got you now.

You think you can buy

the black man's soul.

Like we some Wayne Brady-ass

n*ggers, right?

Triple.

I'll get the rope.

Eh, can we drop this tree off at Sulu's

and head to the city?

Just hold on a second, all right?

I see what you're doing.

Forget about her.

- Think about me.

- All right.

Hold on. We'll drop the tree off

and then we'll go get you your virgin.

Yeah.

We got another customer.

Can I play angry black guy this time?

Aw, come on. You just played it.

And I got triple the money.

Come on, please? Come on!

Three French hens

Would you stop?

I wish I could stop

Sorry, I'm trying my best

Hi. You guys in charge?

Yeah. What the f*** is it to you,

motherf***er?

Gat's coming out

That was so good. Ha, ha.

We're just here to pick up a tree

that we reserved.

- We called.

- Oh, yeah?

We just sold your little

punk-ass tree, b*tch!

What? You sold it?

To who?

Those white boys over there.

F***!

Hey.

Aah! Where are we going?

Maybe if we catch up to them,

they'll sell the tree to us.

Good idea!

I'm sorry.

- You lost your gangsta grill.

- I know.

- How you gonna be a gangsta?

- I'm not one.

- I gotta wear those tomorrow.

- I know.

- You know I love you, right?

- I think you do.

- I don't know why, but I love you.

- Thank you.

Oh-ho-ho. Okay. Slow it down...

...because we got precious cargo...

...and it is very icy out there.

- What? I don't see any ice.

- You've never heard of black ice?

It's like the worst ice there is.

Black ice, it's everywhere.

Relax. I can feel the road.

It's not that bad.

Yo, slow down, man.

- You're going a little fast.

- I gotta get to this party ASAP.

P*ssy's not like yogurt.

It has an expiration date.

Yogurt has an expiration date.

Does it? Damn it. Okay.

That explains a lot.

It was really sour.

But yogurt is sour,

so how was I to know?

Are you really hot? I'm, like, hot...

...but I'm cold... Hello?

You're not looking at me.

I should look at the road

and you look at me.

- It's opposite.

- Watch out!

Ow, ow.

Holy sh*t!

Black ice!

Black ice! It's real!

Oh, sh*t!

Oh, my God!

Don't just scream!

You're just screaming!

That's not helpful!

Oh, sh*t!

Holy sh*t!

Oh, Harry, stop!

Aw... Glass is sharp. Glass is sharp.

Oh, my ass.

I am so going to tweet about that.

Heh-heh-heh.

You guys all right?

How are you alive?

Harold?

Kumar?

That was you at the tree farm?

You took my tree?

- So you killed two trees in one night.

- Hold on.

That is a perfectly salvageable tree.

That was a perfectly salvageable tree.

That was the only 12-foot Fraser fir

left in the f***ing state.

F*** your tree!

What about my car?

I got a virgin to f***!

Who is this? Who is Glasses?

Heh. Nice, Harry.

- This is my friend, Adrian.

- Oh.

He's young.

- Thank you.

- Don't respond to him.

Why the H...

...did you F-wads...

...take the tree that we had

specifically called and reserved?

Who is this toolbox?

This is my friend, Todd.

Oh, yeah? What kind of friend?

Best friend?

- I wouldn't say best... Yes.

- Yeah. Yep. Besties.

That's awesome.

Buddy.

Homey.

This was fun. But I got...

...a hot date in the city.

You have to take me.

What? No.

- We're not taking you anywhere.

- Not going through any tunnels.

Dude, you are not depriving me of this:

Hey, Adrian.

I can't wait to finally meet you.

I'm going to rock your world.

I promise...

...it will be worth the wait.

Wait, look at this fir.

I'm pretty sure she's completely shaved.

Shut up. The tree.

It's like Maria's dad's tree.

- It's magnificent.

- I'll make you a deal.

Take me to the party,

I get you that tree.

No. It's already very late.

Shut the f*** up, Todd!

This doesn't concern you!

- Easy.

- He can not... He is not allow...

Hey. Calm down. Calm down.

I'm running out of time.

I gotta be back with a tree by 2 a.m.

Work with me. Listen.

I'm not driving for nothing.

Make sure we can get the tree,

you got a deal.

Done.

Hey, douche?

Yeah?

Shotgun.

Oh.

Scr...

S you. S you.

"S"?

- "S you"?

- "Screw you."

- Oh, right.

- Screw you!

"Harry"? Gotta be kidding me.

The tree is removable?

Your call cannot be completed as dialed.

- Great. Okay, great. Bye. We're good.

- Please hang up...

We can have the tree?

She said it?

She said that, yes.

- Great. Let's go.

- Okay.

What is he doing? What is he doing?

What are you doing?

What?

My daughter's in there!

What?

- Oh, sh*t!

- What the f***, Kumar?

I didn't see her.

You got my baby high!

You got his baby high.

Hold on a second.

Nobody gets high the first time they

smoke weed. Don't you know anything?

Okay, great.

Now she has the giggles.

- Sorry.

- If Emma finds out...

...we won't be able...

...to come to the party.

What party?

Oh, it's just a work...

...Christmas party...

...kind of thing.

Right, Todd?

Yeah. It's gonna be...

...classic.

Okay, great. Now she's having a bad trip.

Try singing again.

It never works.

- Hey. Hey.

- What are you doing?

Hey.

If you want beef, then bring the ruckus

Wu-Tang Clan ain't

Nothin' to f*** with

Straight from

The motherfucking slums that's busted

Wu-Tang Clan ain't nothin' to f*** with

Ahh.

Dude, you baby-whispered her.

I do not care for the language...

...but that was impressive.

What singing group...

...is that?

- The Wu-Tang Clan.

The Gu-Ga... The Wu-Gang Band?

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