A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas Page #7

That guy gets mad gash.

Neil, listen.

I was wondering if...

I can get you one of those

Christmas trees?

Sure, no problem.

How'd you know that?

I can read your mind.

All right.

You might be able to...?

Hook you up with a free WaffleBot?

You know what? Take mine.

I hate that android f***.

Don't call him that, dude.

What's up, WaffleBot?

Waffles are awesome.

Pancakes suck, right?

I hate pancakes.

I know, so do I.

Kumar.

Thanks, Neil.

- Thanks.

- No problem.

Hey, merry Christmas, guys.

We'll see you in the fourth one.

God, this is amazing. We're

actually gonna make it home before they do.

- We saved Christmas, man.

- Mission accomplished.

- All right, put down the tree. Put it down.

- Unh!

- All right.

- Waffle break?

All right. Oh, God.

Oh, my God. WaffleBot.

Dude, seriously...

...these are incredible waffles.

Kumar and WaffleBot friends forever.

Ha, ha. No doubt, WaffleBot.

I love you...

...Kumar.

- Ha, ha.

I love you too, little guy.

What the f***?

That is the weirdest f***ing toy.

You're happy.

See? You're laughing.

You're having fun. Admit it:

I'm more fun to hang out with than Todd.

Todd and Ava.

I totally forgot about them.

I'm sure they're fine, right?

It's going to voicemail.

I think they're fine.

Todd's a big boy.

He's probably putting her

to bed or something.

Yeah. They're probably fine, right?

Look at me, look at me!

Why wasn't you at school today?

I went to the park.

She lying.

What was you doing?

You supposed to be at school.

Little girl, I'm not gonna

ask you no more.

I'm not smart like the other kids.

I can't do that stuff.

Who told you that?

My last foster mother.

She told me that the only thing I'm gonna

be smart enough to do is lay on my back.

The best revenge you can have

on somebody that told you that...

...is to prove them wrong. I went to

that school and I got your homework.

Are you f***ing kidding me?

- Oh.

- Oh.

Maybe that's Todd.

Whoa, why is Vanessa calling you?

Oh, that's because Maria is...

- Hello?

- Kumar?

- Is that you?

- Yeah.

Why are you calling Harold?

Can I just speak to him, please?

What? No.

I've been texting you.

I haven't heard back.

What's going on?

Tell him I'm not gonna...

...make it to his party tomorrow.

Oh. Oh, you're not gonna make it...

She won't make it to your party.

Too bad.

What else have you been

doing behind my back?

Has she seen your dick?

Is it bigger than mine?

Kumar, you're acting ridiculous, okay?

Goodbye.

No, don't hang up the phone on me.

Hello?

Here's your phone.

What is that?

That's Vanessa, Todd,

Rosenberg, Uncle Yoav.

Does everybody know

about this party?

Listen, if you want you can come.

I don't wanna come to your

shitty-ass party, dude.

I can't believe you'd invite

Vanessa and not tell me.

Am I supposed to feel bad?

Maybe if you acted more like an adult,

you'd get invited to adult parties.

Maybe you should go back

to your fancy house...

...with your douchey friends

and gay-ass sconces.

I don't need to be part of this.

I love those sconces.

You know, I was really happy

till you showed up today.

Okay. Well, then, f*** it, dude.

- I'm out.

- Fine with me.

Fine.

- Cool.

- All right.

- Are we having lovers' quarrel?

- Oh, sh*t.

Kumar, my friend.

Oh, look.

A WaffleBot.

Mary would...

...Iove one of these.

- Uh-huh.

Grab it.

Oh, crap.

Wake up!

Wake up! Wake up!

Wake up.

- Wake up.

- Oh.

Oh, sh*t.

Please, I don't know what we've done,

but please let us go.

After you made Eiffel Tower on Mary?

That was a misunderstanding.

I'm freezing!

Give us back our clothes.

Yuri, warm them up.

Kumar.

Please don't do that.

Please, please, please.

There is a very serious gas crisis...

...in the world. Let's discuss.

- Come on, man!

As they say in my country:

No, don't say "do svidaniya."

Come on.

You didn't get the lighter.

You said gasoline, Orbits and coffee.

Nothing about lighter.

You stupid...

...f***ing moron!

You're such a f***-up!

Oh, sh*t.

Hey, guys, stop!

Stop! Guys, guys, stop it, stop it.

Now, look, I understand that you guys

have your issues, okay?

But wasn't there a time you actually

used to get along? You might be in...

...a different time and place,

but that doesn't change the fact that you...

...have a long and probably

beautiful history together.

Yeah, maybe one of you fucks up

every now and again.

Happens.

Maybe he fucks up all the time.

Doesn't mean the other should

forget about the good times.

Right.

Right.

Yeah, and maybe just

because the other one...

...is trying to act like an adult...

...and be responsible

doesn't necessarily mean...

...that he's being a f***ing chode.

Maybe he's been a chode,

caring more about bay windows...

...and sconces

than a lifetime of friendship.

What do you say, guys?

- Yeah, hug it out.

- All right.

Hey, guys.

How about you cut us out?

We'll go get ourselves

a Christmas beer.

- A beer sounds great.

- Awesome.

But first...

...we have some killing to do.

Come on!

After we just had that breakthrough?

Sorry. Say your goodbyes.

It'll all be over quick.

- Is this how we die?

- I think so, dude.

Bye, Kumar.

Bye, Harold.

Kumar.

Your waffles...

...are ready.

- WaffleBot?

These guys think pancakes

are better than waffles.

I hate...

...pancakes.

They serve pancakes...

...in hell.

Ooh!

Holy sh*t!

You hurt my brother!

Whoo!

- How do we get out of these ropes?

- WaffleBot.

Kumar.

Can you untie us?

Battery low.

Losing...

...power.

WaffleBot, look at me.

You can do this, man.

- Ha, ha.

- Oh, man. Thanks, WaffleBot.

You're welcome, Kumar.

Pancakes are f***ing gay.

Holy sh*t. That is the best

Christmas toy ever.

I guess. It's extraordinarily...

...unsafe, but it did save our lives.

- Listen, man, l...

- Man, this...

- Aah!

- Oh, my God.

Holy sh*t!

This is like that...

...scene from A Christmas Story.

Is it like the scene from

A Christmas Story?

I just saw this scene.

- Oh, f***!

- Okay, we need...

...some sort of a warm liquid.

I'll spit on it.

Don't f***ing spit on my dick!

Fine. Can you pee on it?

Give me a second.

- It's not working.

- Fine, I'll pee on it.

Don't pee on me!

Jesus! Well, then what the hell do...?

- Oh. Our clothes.

- Oh.

Cool about the clothes.

My dick's stuck to a pole!

Dude, you're in luck.

There's still coffee in here.

Get it over here. Hurry the f*** up!

Okay, look, this is scalding hot coffee.

So I'm just gonna pour a little bit on.

Probably gonna sting for a second.

- Get it over with!

- All right.

Just let me just...

- I'm sorry.

- F***!

Oh, f***! I'm sorry, dude!

Oh, God, I ruined your dick!

You a**hole!

Just walk it off.

Walk it off.

How long are we supposed

to stay in here?

Until that f***ing Russian sociopathic...

...killing machine leaves.

They gave my daughter ecstasy.

I don't know Russian,

but he seems a little upset.

I'd say so. Shh, shh!

She's crashing hard.

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