Abbott and Costello Go to Mars Page #4

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Hey,

they should be easy to find.

If they're wearin' green suits

like this and a helmet... Aah!

Hey, that's us! You are the bank robbers!

Hey, wait! That's it, Orville. Hold

him. I'll meet you at the spaceship.

Hold him. Lester!

Hold him.

Lester!

Help! Police!

Police! Help!

With all the militia busy

searchin' for their spaceship,

and our police force unable to cope

with the crowds here for the Mardi Gras,

our mayor has asked that citizens

join in a house-to-house search.

We'll run 'em down! They oughta be in jail!

What are we waitin'for?

Let's look for 'em.!

Is there anything wrong,

officer?

We're getting up a posse to

run down those guys from Mars.

They held up a bank and a clothing

store. My, my. Harry. Imagine that.

Men breaking the law.

Yeah, that is disgusting.

You'd better get off the streets.

I concur. A splendid suggestion.

I think we should get out

of town. I am with you.

It beats me. The minute we got the call

those guys were in the La Parisienne Caf,

we surrounded the block,

and yet they disappeared.

Hey, you!

Have you seen two guys dressed

in suits like they were from Mars?

- You mean, with green space suits and plastic helmets?

- That's them!

Sorry, didn't see 'em.

How did he know they had

green space suits? Come on!

Come on. Let's get back to the spaceship. Boy,

Am I glad to get away from those Mars people.

Hey, it's a good thing

there was no water in there.

All right.

No trace of them yet.

I can't understand why the militia has been

unable to locate that rocket ship of mine.

It's possible your ship landed in one of the

bayous and is completely submerged in water.

Those criminals must've been

lucky enough to escape.

I can't picture Lester or Orville in the

role of a desperate criminal. Nor can I.

Lester's worked for me faithfully for

five years. And I checked on Orville.

He had a good record at the asylum... orphan

asylum. Orville came from there two days ago.

Isn't a kid out of the orphanage two days

a little young to be flying a rocket ship?

- Oh, Orville's 38.

- Thirty-eight!

When I put him in jail, remind

me to give him his pablum.

Gimme that gun you swiped.

Them guys may be rough.

Here. Don't ever point a gun at nobody!

What are you worrying about?

I never shot nobody by accident.

Stop fooling around

with them instruments!

We'll wait for them Martians to

come and let them run the ship.

Hey, talk about foolin' around,

they got any dames

in this Mars place?

Naturally, they got dames.

I seen pictures from there.

They got big heads,

four arms...

and wireless aerials

growin' outta their ears.

Ooh, that don't sound

very entrancing to me.

They don't sound no worse than some beagles

I seen you keeping company with. Ahh.

Shh.

Leave your space suits

out here to dry.

Come on.

Hurry up the ladder.

Come on, make it snappy. I wanna close

that trap so they can't catch us. Ooh.

Which one do you do?

You gotta touch one of these.

What are you... What are you

doing? I just about missed it.

Come on.

Get out of the way.!

And take off those magnetized boots

and put on your shoes.

Never mind the shoes.

I told ya to take off the boots

and put on your shoes!

You told me, "Never mind the shoes.

" I didn't say anything of the kind!

Now, put on your shoes.

Okay.

And don't "okay. "

Everything is "okay" with you.

Hey! Who are you?

You're the first persons we've seen

who look like human beings.

Frisk him, Harry.

You...

It's my turn now.

No ray gun.

This one's clean too.

Come on. Let's get this rocket

ship started and take off for Mars.

- How can we take off for Mars? We're already on Mars!

- How'd you fellas get up here?

I hate to say it, Mac. But it's obvious

to me that you have flipped your wig!

Boy, are these guys screwy! They

think New Orleans is Mars! New Orleans?

Open up that trap door.

No, you don't!

Get started before

my patience is tried.

Honest, mister, we don't

know how to operate this ship.

Then, how did you get here? All he

did was push this button, like that.

Oh, no.

It wasn't that button.

It wasn't this here one.

It was this one.

What could've happened? I don't know.

How could they be stupid enough to

take off again after they landed safely?

Dr. Wilson.

Hey, what's that ball

down there?

That's the Earth.

Yeah?

Boy, I wish the boys at the Louisiana

Penitentiary could look up and see me here.

I wish I could look down

and see you there.

Why you...

Hold it, Harry.

Take it easy, pudgy. This ship can travel

faster if we get rid of the excess weight.

Get it?

I'm with you.

Have you verified your calculations? Yes.

I checked Palomar and McDonald

Observatories. Their findings agree with mine.

Then, the ship is about to escape

the gravitational pull of the Earth.

Its course from there will naturally be

determined by its proximity to the other planets.

The nearest planet

would be Venus.

Hey, what did that?

We've hit outer space.

There's no gravity left anymore.

Hey, you guys are talkin' funny!

How high is it up to Mars?

Thirty-five million miles.

Lester? Lester!

Sometimes I don't feel so good.

I wanna get down.

Well, come on down!

Those gravity shoes will keep

you from floating like that hat.

Don't try to pull anything.

You won't get away with it

while I have this.

Oh, yeah?

Now the gun

is on the other foot.

Get him, Harry!

You make a move

and I'll shoot.

Go ahead! Shoot!

Are you goin' batty?

Don't tell the guy to shoot.

What are you waiting for?

Shoot!

Gee, Pudgy, according to all

astronomical theories,

the missile you just fired

from a loaded weapon...

had no propulsive acceleration

due to the absence of gravity;

therefore,

we were in no danger.

Get him, Harry.

We're back to normal!

Pull the trigger!

I guess that makes a monkey

out of your repulsive...

"exellation-tation"

of your "graviation. "

And it's

the high attitude that's got ya.

F-F-F... Flying saucer!

Oh, you're seeing things.

Oh, no you don't.

Okay, pudgy.

You're the boss man now,

But when the chance comes, I'm gonna

push you right off the planet Mars.

That's what you think.

As long as I have this thing, we're not

going to Mars. We're going back to Earth!

There's no doubt about it,

Dr. Wilson.

At this point, your spaceship is

about to land on Venus. Amazing.

Congratulations, Doctor. You've made a

magnificent contribution to the history of science.

Not me! Them! They did by accident

what I wanted to do on purpose.

Being in no mood for conversation,

but desirous of information,

would it be asking too much

to know our present locale?

Being as I can't see

a foot in front of me,

I'd say we're in Los Angeles.

Well, I'd say it's lucky for us

that we landed on Earth.

We've run out of fuel!

Orville, get a cop.

We're gonna fix you guys for getting us

blamed for all those robberies in New Orleans.

Hold the gun.

That must be one

of those jet pilots!

Step on it and

don't spare the atoms.

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