Abbott and Costello in Hollywood Page #7

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...who did I let pay that room rent?

- Me.|- You.

- That was nice of you then.|- Yes.

When I was pinched for speeding...

...who did I let serve my time?

- Me.|- You.

And you was nice enough|to tell the judge...

...to keep me in another week|on account it was raining.

- I forget those things.|- Now you want me...

...to go get punched in the nose.|Always thinking of yourself.

- I'm a bad boy.|- I'll say you are.

- I'm gonna give back my Boy Scout pin.|- You should.

I'm going up to the scoutmaster|and give it back to him.

You should.

- People are gonna point their fingers at me.|- Why?

- That pin holds up my pants.|- Never mind that.

Hey. This is not such a fancy house|for a big movie star, is it?

This is his beach house.

This is where|he's gonna get Claire sunburned.

Knock on the door.|When Le Maise comes out, just insult him.

Make him throw a punch at you.

I'll take the picture of it|and we'll have the evidence.

- You all set? Ready to take a picture?|- I'm set.

- Go ahead.|- Turn it around the other way.

- Sorry.|- I don't want this for nothing.

Go ahead. Knock on the door.

Hey, wait a minute. There's Le Maise|on his boat. Come on. Come on.

All right, come on. There you are.

Hey. Boy, this ain't bad.

If I'd known it was gonna be like this,|I'd have brought my sailor suit.

- Never mind that. Let's get going.|- Okay. Listen.

I'm going over there|and I'm going to insult him good.

He's gonna take a big poke at me|and when he does you click the camera.

- Stay close to me.|- Go ahead.

Do you know what I think of you?|You an upholstered blouse.

- An upholstered blouse?|- Yeah, a stuffed shirt.

Listen, you guys,|I'll get you ashore in a couple of minutes.

In the meantime, stay out of my way.|I want to get into the wind.

You better not.|You're a skunk if I ever smelled one.

- That does it.|- Get ready, Buzz.

Right. Let him have it, Le Maise.

Okay. You asked for it.

I got it! Abercrombie!|Abercrombie! Abercrombie!

I don't see him. He hasn't come up yet.

You watch for him.|I'll turn the boat around.

Abercrombie!

Abercrombie!

Abercrombie!

We can telephone the police here.|Now, you saw the whole thing.

- It was an accidental drowning.|- It was just as much my fault as yours.

And tell them to send out a boat|and drag for the body.

- Somebody go under?|- Yeah. My best friend.

That's tough.

It should have been me.

Did you ever lose a good pal, a real pal?|One that you could trust?

- Yep.|- That's what's happened to me.

I know exactly how you feel.

But it should have been me.

After the way I've treated him...

Why, that Abercrombie|was the sweetest guy that ever lived.

Oh, the rightest, royalest pal|that ever drew breath.

And me always playing him for a sucker.

Now, now, I wouldn't take it so hard.

Why, with just one little|barber college racket alone...

...I clipped him for every cent|that he had in the world.

If he could only|come back to life just long enough...

...for me to tell him how sorry I am.

Tell him how miserable I feel.|Tell him how much I miss him.

I miss that poor kid.

It's all my fault.|I've always treated him like...

Like a sucker.

- Here you are, Buzz.|- Thanks.

But my... l...

Hey! Where have you been?|Where have you been?

- Where have you been?|- I was...

- Now, just a minute.|- I was fishing.

Fishing?

Stand still. Stand still.

What is this? What is that?|What is this?

Where'd you get that?

- I caught that without a worm.|- Now listen to me, you.

Listen, Le Maise is in|that telephone booth...

...calling up the police right now,|and if you...

Hey, wait a minute.|I've got an idea.

- Come on. Hurry up.|- Wait a minute.

- Leave the fish alone.|- I want dinner.

Now, listen. This is even better...

...than you getting socked.|You're dead.

I'm dead? Then why am I so hungry?

Never mind. You lay low.|I'll claim that Le Maise killed you.

They'll never let a murderer|in the movies.

- And Jeff is all set in the part.|- Will I have my picture in the paper?

Yes, yes, yes. Duck, duck.

No, no, no, duck.

They want us to come|to police headquarters...

...and tell them the story.|- This camera will tell the story, murderer.

- Have you gone out of your mind?|- You pushed him.

- It was self-defense.|- That kid never laid a finger on you.

- He wouldn't hurt a fly.|- Wait...

I'll wait when they throw you|in the gas chamber, brother.

They're not gonna throw me|into any gas chamber.

Then they'll exchange|that scarf for a rope.

- They'll have to find me first.|- They'll find you.

- Police, he's a murderer!|- No.

He's a murderer. There's a...|There's a murderer.

A murderer.

- What's the matter?|- Lf he don't believe I'm dead...

...tell him to talk to me, I'll verify it.|- He took it on the lam.

- We don't even have to have him pinched.|- Pinched?

- Pinched. That reminds me.|- What's the matter?

Something's been pinching me.

That's just your imagination.

It's your imagination.|Don't worry about it.

- What is that?|- My imagination.

They bite. They bite!

Now, I've gotta go into the studio.

I'll meet you across the street.

Why can't I go inside the studio?|Nobody will recognize me with the beard.

We can't take any unnecessary chances.

- Especially today.|- What's today?

Today they're shooting that big|$50,000 midway explosion scene.

Once they shoot that scene|with the kid in it...

...and blow up that set, Jeff's in.

Kavanaugh couldn't afford a new set|just to put Le Maise into the part.

Even if they found out|that you're not dead.

I'll meet you across the street.

Miss Warren wants you|over on the midway set.

Oh, thanks.

Look, you can't park the car here.|It's in the way of the gate.

- What's that mean?|- I don't know.

- I don't speak English.|- Oh, I see. Well, that's different.

Put some more brandy|in these flips.

They taste like milk shakes.

What'll it be, doc?

- What are you gonna have?|- Nothing. I gotta meet a friend here.

Why don't you take a drink anew?

- What's new?|- Nothing. What's new with you?

I got a beaut for you this time.

- Got another one?|- Yeah.

Did you ever hear about the guy|who was so brave...

...that he stuck his right arm|right into a lion's mouth...

...right up to there?

He stuck his arm in a lion's mouth...

...up to there? His right arm?|- Yeah. Yeah.

- What's his name?|- Lefty.

You get it?

- I didn't get it that time.|- You didn't?

- No, no.|- Lefty!

You know, you're a great fellow.

You've made me forget my troubles.

You drowned mine.

- You got troubles too?|- Yes, sir.

No, but I got real troubles.

I killed a man.

A man killed me.

That's why I'm wearing this fake beard.

This is a phony.

Nobody knows me. Just Buzz.

I'm gonna show you.

Well...

...you look familiar.

Very familiar.

I hope I trusted the right guy.

Since you've come clean with me...

...l'll come clean with you.

You look just like Gregory Le Maise!

- Open the gate.|- Wait, you can't come in here.

It's Greg Le Maise, the killer. Hold him!

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