Absolutely Fabulous: The Movie Page #5

is going on?

Quick, quick.

Almost there.

Get into this taxi

where we're going nowhere.

What took you so long?

Hurry up, Fleur.

It's these bloody shoes.

All right, taxi, drive.

Drive, drive!

Welcome back.

So, Lily, can you tell us

how you're feeling

about Kate?

Well...

Put it into words.

Well, I...

Sad.

I didn't actually know her that well.

You're devastated.

I...

Heartbroken.

Thank you so much.

Your feelings are shared

by a nation still in shock.

How's your mother holding up?

It seems to be

taking its toll...

facially.

I'm going to wake Lola up.

I can't believe she slept this long.

Let her sleep.

She's a grownup.

She's thirteen.

I want you to know something.

I'm sorry I went out that night.

I, uh...

should have stayed with you.

Then perhaps you wouldn't

have got caught up

in all this mess.

I love you.

Lola's gone. She's gone!

She must have gone

with them!

Tell me where they've gone.

Tell me!

Whoa, whoa. Calm down.

Where have they gone?

We don't know.

We weren't told.

A girl has only

one confidante

and mum's the word.

Oh, her hairdresser,

Christopher. Oh!

Judas.

I knew she spoke to him

because she canceled her next appointment.

Don't panic.

It's only a problem

if they've left the country.

Welcome to Budget.

Where the only tossers

are our baggage handlers.

How are you? Hi.

Morning.

Oh, shut up.

Where we wing it.

Welcome on-board

Budget Airlines.

This is flight BD1 15 to Nice.

Where is first class?

Down the back?

Oh...

There is no first class.

It's just first ass on any available seat.

We are three.

There's only two seats.

The middle one isn't a seat,

it's where you put your bag.

Oh, no, they're all seats.

Uh, you put your bags up top.

Oh, God.

Uh...

I don't put the bags up.

I'm the designated DNB.

"Do Nothing B*tch."

- Thank you.

- Ow!

Sandwich. Heads up.

Can we get free nuts

and drinks from the b*tch?

Oi, waitress?

We want our complimentary

drinks and nuts.

Oh, you have to prepay

for all the snacks

and beverages.

Just get your credit card,

slip it through your slot.

Uh, ma'am, you'll have to take your seat.

I need a piss.

It'll have to wait.

I've started.

I hate how you have to

be nice to transgendered

people now.

Just reach around

and get that

lady's red wine.

No.

Oi! Drop the fag, hag!

What is your problem?

You!

Cheers.

Don't get that

on British Airways.

Whoo-hoo!

We did it, Pats!

Oh, Eddy, we did it!

We're free, free!

We can breathe!

Breathe!

We're going to join the jet set.

The jet set.

So you're going to marry this Charlie?

She's going to marry him,

then he's going to die

and we'll get all the money.

How old is he?

Oh, he's ancient.

He's old.

He's like on death's door.

Actually, he's the same age as me.

We need more champagne, darling.

No, it's nearly over its limit.

What does that mean?

It means we need

Charlie's big bucks,

darling,

if we're ever going to live the dream.

Oh, Eddy, the dream.

The dream, darling.

But where do you go to my lovely

When you're alone in your bed

Tell me the thoughts that surround you

I want to look inside your head, yes, I do

I need to buy champagne.

What's that in French?

Champignons,

champignons.

We need to get out of these clothes.

It's all right, darling.

No one knows us here.

They're just so horrible.

Oh, Eddy?

Oh.

Buongiorno!

Baby Bunton, Pats.

Baby Bunton.

Sh*t.

Eddy, Eddy.

Why can't we go anywhere

without knowing someone?

She didn't see us.

I think I just saw Edina Monsoon.

Really?

Unless you've seen

a mannequin that fat before.

Hiya. You okay?

I've put you into hot yoga after this.

You do it

in an actual oven. Ooh!

You'd like that, wouldn't you?

Just don't think about Edina Monsoon.

Oh, thanks.

It's Emma Bunton.

What? Emma Bunton?

No. Edina?

She's where?

Did you call the police?

Yes. And I'm going

over there to make sure

the police do their job!

Her P.A. has a house

near Cannes.

Bubble has a house there?

Yeah.

You talked to her?

Yeah. She's had

a terrible time.

It's been quite a saga.

Nothing.

What's that?

That's nice. eBay?

Oi!

Oi, you!

Bonjour.

Bonjour.

Have you been in the water long?

All bloody night.

Did you jump?

Did I, buggery.

I was pushed.

Lola won't answer my calls

and I've tried every number

for Christopher.

I'll have to look for him.

At least she's with your mother.

And Patsy.

My daughter is with Patsy.

I'll come with you.

Edina must be back

in 3 days for

the primary hearing.

I don't care about her.

No, I'm sorry.

Let me.

No!

I'm better on my own.

Shoot that poison arrow

to my heart, heart, heart

Shoot that poison arrow to my heart

Oh, hello. I know you.

My mother used to bring me

here as a child.

Shoot that poison arrow

to my heart, heart, heart

Shoot that poison arrow

Shoot that poison arrow

Christopher, I know you're

here. I just saw you.

My daughter's gone missing

and I think you know where she's gone.

Clear off, you little wet wipe!

Just sing something.

That'll quieten them down.

Get off, you little b*tch troll!

I learned the truth at seventeen

That love was meant for beauty queens

And high school girls

with clear-skinned smiles

Who married young and then retired

And those of us with ravaged faces

Lacking in the social graces

Desperately remained at home

lnventing lovers on the phone

Who called to say "Come dance with me"

And murmured vague obscenities

It isn't all it seems at seventeen

So who is this Charles?

Oh, just an old scrotum Patsy knows.

More money than marbles.

Charles was rather superb, actually.

Back when the

South of France

was really something...

God created woman

and Brigitte Bardot

was just out of nappies.

She's back in 'em now.

What did Charles do?

Films.

What kind?

Art films.

Oh, porn!

Well, no.

For connoisseurs...

Gentlemen.

Gentlesseurs.

If you don't find him?

This is my old hunting ground.

Plenty of prey out there.

And they won't need

beaters to flush 'em out

once they sniff me up the Croisette.

So the plan is, we start

at Violet's party, right?

The old guys will be there.

My mother doesn't know anything

and Violet won't care.

In the South of France,

everyone's a criminal!

Plenty of cleavage, Eddy.

Yes, darling.

I'm wearing this.

But not those shoes.

Those shoes, darling.

Not those shoes.

But I like these shoes.

They make you hobble.

I'm wearing them anyway.

I have thin ankles.

We all play the game

and when we dare

We cheat ourselves at solitaire

lnventing lovers on the phone

Oh, my God.

What that woman has done to you.

You have to tell me where she is.

Do you know?

Cannes.

Cannes in France.

Thank you.

And, hey.

Make your own kind of music.

Merci.

You're very lucky at this.

No, not luck.

It's just that I play a bad hand well.

Don't we all?

Keep behind us.

Stay behind.

Don't come with us.

This is it, Eddy.

I'm looking good, I'm looking...

Oh, Eddy, look how young we are.

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