Absolutely Fabulous: The Movie Page #6

Look at the sad shoes.

It's all leopard print and liver spots.

It's like old age camouflage.

I smell formaldehyde.

What on earth are you doing here?

Mrs. M.

Just looking for the party.

Well, this is it.

Yoo-hoo!

Christ, is that Violet?

What is this,

some late-life lesbo party?

Where are the men?

They're on the terrace, dear.

We have to make do

with cards

and a little dancing.

It's quite nice, actually.

Terrace, terrace, terrace.

Yeah. Yeah.

You stay here

with the old ones.

We're off.

Ooh, look, Pats,

not hobbling,

not hobbling.

Ah, this is more like it, Eds.

This is our kind of party, darling.

We fit in here.

Hey, Monty.

How's things?

No ex-wives

allowed here.

You need some help, old ladies?

The place is full of weird babies.

Little stretched fetus faces.

Patsy!

Patsy!

It's Charlie. Stay here.

Jesus.

My God!

I'd know those tits

anywhere!

Patsy!

Oh, Charles, darling.

What are you doing here, Patricia?

Charles, darling, looking for you.

Oh.

Still got the yacht, Charlie?

I've got a big one.

The trouble is the girls

all want their own cabins these days.

Oh, Charlie, do you remember the old days?

You... Fiona

and that Kristel wench.

No, Charlie. I meant us.

Black Emanuelle meets Hitler.

I loved that film!

Do you remember waking up together

in hot, sweet Saint-Tropez?

Walking across the duckboards

down to the fairy blue sea?

Oh, I miss those times.

So do I, Charlie.

But you know what I really miss?

Yes, Charles.

Pubic hair.

I'm sick of those Brazilians...

those Hollywoods.

So bald, so boring.

I had a full beard in those days.

But I suppose you are what you eat.

But Charlie, Charlie, look at me.

Remember you said

you would only

ever marry me?

Uh, I might have said that.

Well, Charles, I'm ready.

My answer is yes.

Steady on, Patsy, steady on.

As you can see,

we're very well

catered for here.

Charlie, you always said I was the one.

I think he's tired of you now.

Isn't she terrific looking?

Charlie, she's a gold digger.

I'm a gold mine.

Oh, by the way,

steer clear of the Jacuzzi.

It's a smoothie of old sperm.

Ciao.

Hmm?

Bastard.

No luck?

No.

You see, dear, we're all too old now.

Oh, shut up.

Come on, Eddy!

It's my birthday.

Come on, come on.

Oh!

Enjoying yourself?

No.

No, I'm young!

I'm still young.

I'm not old.

I'm not old.

I'm still young.

Because 60 is the new 40!

Sixty is the new 40!

No! Not the sad feet!

Oh, ow! Ow.

Careful!

With your reputation

for galumphing into people,

we don't want you to

trip over the Duchess.

What is that?

She's the Dowager Baroness

Lubliana Thysen von Rothschild und Muck.

Pats, Pats, Pats, Pats, Pats.

That is the richest woman in the world.

Darling, that...

is the richest woman in the world!

No, Eddy, no, no, Eddy, no!

Yes, yes, yes.

Just come on.

Oi! Where are

you two off to?

Laundry. You come, too.

Reports from a source

close to the investigation

suggest Edina Monsoon

may have fled the country.

For you.

Ooh.

Gran?

Oh, hello, Saffy.

Is Mum there?

Yes, your mother and Patsy are here.

What about Lola?

Is she with them?

Well, she was, dear.

Oh, my goodness. I must go.

Shirley Bassey is arriving...

any minute now.

The minute you walked in thejoint

I could see you were a man of distinction

A real big spender

Very nice.

Good lookin', so refined

Say,

wouldn't you like to know

what's goin' on in my mind?

So let me get right to the point

I don't pop my cork for every man I see

May we join you?

Who are you?

I am Edina.

May I introduce my brother Pat?

Spend a little time with me

Stone. Pat Stone.

Do you know who I am?

Dowager Baroness Lubliana

Thysen von Rothschild und Muck.

So you're not partying

with all the other men?

No, he likes older women.

Not those girls.

We want a proper shuffle,

no fuzzing the cards.

With me

Spring was never waiting for us, boy

It ran one step ahead

As we followed in the dance

Between the parted pages and were pressed

ln love's hot fevered iron

like a striped...

French.

Pat Stone.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oui.

Okay.

Yes, absolutely.

Now.

Oh!

Oh, what a rainbow world we live in.

Till death do you part,

till death do you part.

How long do you think it will be?

Let Lubey have her moment.

Come on, sweetie, be cool.

My darling Pat.

You feeling all right?

MacArthur's Park is melting in the dark

All the sweet green icing flowing down

Still got it, hasn't it, the Riviera?

Yeah, it's still got it.

Where are we going?

The Grand-Hotel

Du Cap-Ferrat.

Oh, Eddy,

the six finest words

in the English language.

Are we booked in?

No need, it's mine.

I own it.

I'm so happy.

Are you?

Tremendously happy.

You and I are married.

So...

so...

happy?

Tremendously.

Now it's late, darling.

Bed beckons.

Does it? Um, another drink?

Perhaps some nibbles?

I'm tired.

Oh, I'm tired, too.

Would you mind if I retired?

Stay and drink with your sister.

I don't mind.

Enjoy the evening.

And thank you.

I may be...

the richest woman in the world,

but also sometimes the loneliest.

Oh, Lubey.

Am I interrupting something?

No, darling.

Au revoir.

Oh, Eddy.

Little Lubey, Eds.

Mmm.

is a darling.

Wasabi nut, wasabi.

Thank you, darling.

How are you feeling?

Tremendously happy.

What if they've found Bubble?

Darling, don't

think about it.

They can't tie it to us.

Yeah, yeah.

Eddy, living well is the best revenge.

This could be our life, couldn't it?

This is our life.

We're not going back.

And what's to miss?

Just things.

You've never had attachments, have you?

They're not attachments.

They're parasites, ticks, danglers.

You can buy new things.

Hmm.

We're not going back.

Do you want vodka in that?

Yeah.

I can't believe

you can afford a place

like this.

Well, I do all our accounts

and I've been overpaying

meself for years.

'Twas nowt but a wormhole

when I bought it, though.

She's an idiot and she

tried to kill you, remember.

I know, but...

I called the police.

They will find her.

And she will get...

Hello, Saffy, dear.

Gran.

Funniest thing...

I was wrong.

Lola's not here?

It wasn't Shirley Bassey,

it was a lookalike.

Gran, where is Lola?

I have no idea, dear.

Come on, Gloria.

Have you got the balls?

Saff!

Emma. Lola!

Are you all right?

I'm fine.

I found her cleaning my room.

They gave her to housekeeping.

I'm so glad you're safe.

Mmm-hmm.

I love you.

Thanks.

What are you doing here?

Oh, it's a long story.

Lulu called the police

because I saw

your mother here.

Lulu?

Nick?

What?

Oh, uh...

Hang on.

Can you look after Lola?

Of course.

I won't be long,

I promise.

Nick, I found Lola.

I found your mother.

I don't care about my mother.

Yes, you do. Drive!

Allez.

Go. Please.

I don't normally like the stuff

you get in hotel lobbies,

but this is quite nice.

It's fabulous.

Oh, I could get used to this.

I am used to it.

Where's the wife?

She's using the funicular.

She'll be hours.

I tell you something, Eddy.

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