Accepted Page #8

yourself, buddy.

You know what, B.

Don't mess with me!

These are the happiest times

of my life, all right?

Schrader. I'm so happy, I'm the happiest.

I'm happy!

Hey! Ask me about my wiener!

S.H.I.T. Rag.

Hot off the presses.

Here you go, B.

Thanks, Boner.

The S.H.I.T. Rag?

Yeah, come on, every school's

gotta have a paper.

There's a great op-ed piece in there

about not believing everything you read.

It's really provocative.

As your de facto consigliere my advice

to you is to shut this down immediately.

And my advice to you

is to stop worrying...

...before you

spontaneously combust.

Yes, but you can't

just do this.

To be a real college...

...you have to go through the

appropriate legal channels.

You need to be accredited.

Well, yeah,

could you take care of that?

Hey, B.

Pancho, looking good, pal.

Who's that?

Spank me.

That's, uh, the mascot.

Oh, it's the mascot?

Yeah.

A sandwich?

Yes.

You're the S.H.I.T. Sandwiches? Yes, we are.

You are taking this

way too far.

How so?

Oh, I don't know, man.

Maybe it's the pool,

or the half-pipe.

That's not in the budget. I'm

re-investing in their education.

Those are South Harmon

cornerstones there.

Yes, but you're overlooking

zoning requirements...

...noise permits,

there are insurance issues.

Come on. Insurance?

What's gonna happen?

Oh, sh*t.

Wow.

Yeah!

Aw, sh*t.

We gotta do it again, dudes.

Left the lens cap on.

No, you didn't!

Damn!

You know what? You're absolutely

right. This has gone way too far.

And I think we need to do

something about it ASAP.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Is this great

or is this great?

It's pretty cool, man,

but I gotta go.

The Roaring '20s is B.K.E.'s

biggest party of the year.

And we're recreating the

scene from The Untouchables...

...where Roy,

as Bobby De Niro...

...crushes my skull

with a baseball bat.

Wow, what an

incredible honor.

Could you sign a copy

of your book for me?

I got it on eBay.

They sell my sh*t on eBay?

You wrote a book?

Yeah.

But that was back

when I was drinking.

Come on, Glen, you can't

keep stringing us along.

Which one of us

is it going to be?

Quiet, quiet, quiet!

Quiet, shh!

Ladies and gentlemen, let's give

it up for your fearless leader...

Bartleby Gaines.

Come on up here, buddy!

Aw, man.

Thanks. Thank you.

Get up here!

Come on up!

I know you know this one!

Go. Go up there right now.

Go, man, go!

How you doin'?

Yeah! You the man.

I'm going

to have that.

Shut up.

Look, where the hell

is everybody at?

You! Hey.

Hey.

How are you?

Aw, God, look,

where the hell is everybody?

This is the biggest

party of the year, guys.

Band, hey!

Ah, you want to start

playing some music, please?

Hey.

Hoyt, hey.

There's, like, some big party

down the hill.

Oh, that son of a...

Hey! B, oh, my gosh, that was fantastic.

Aw, my God, you saw that.

I'm embarrassed.

I don't know

what happened to me.

Someone possessed me, and... And it was

the spirit of Johnny Ramone, I think.

B, is there anything that

you're not incredibly amazing at?

Yeah, it's funny

you should ask.

There are very few things

I'm not very good at.

Off the top of my head I can think

of spelunking, uh, telekinesis...

...not crying at

the end of My Girl.

It gets me.

And dairy products.

Which is good, because you

know I'm not really in the mood...

...for any

dairy products tonight.

Well, let's see if we can

get you something else then.

Let's see.

All right.

This is my... Oh!

Ooh!

I'm okay, I'm okay. I keep

forgetting this opens out.

It happens all the time,

I gotta get used to it.

Oh, no.

And this is...

Mi casa.

Bartleby, uh, oh, my God,

this is amazing!

Huh? It's fine.

I mean, I like it 'cause

it's simple, and functional.

Provides a good safe workspace

for me to focus on my studies.

B, this is so cheesy,

in the greatest way.

There is nothing cheesy

about a clap-on disco ball.

Maybe it's a little bit much.

I've wanted one

since I was a kid, though.

Wait, is everybody's room at

South Harmon this incredible?

Well, at South Harmon

you're free...

...to kind of design

your own rooms, you know?

Whatever you're thinking,

whatever you're...

And I was thinking

clap-on disco ball.

How about that drink?

Can I get you a drink?

I would love a drink.

All right.

Ah, touch.

Ahh.

This party's

off the hook!

Hey, hey, hey, shut up!

All right.

Where is that a**hole?

Co-Come on, Bartleby,

that was 7th grade.

Yeah, exactly,

that was my point.

Well, I will have you know... Oh, now...

...now I can't go back to your

past, but you can go back to mine.

That Christina Aguilera look did

very well for me, thank you very much.

Yeah, you did great,

you did great. I know.

I remember you making out with Pete

Goochman in Julie Posner's basement.

You were at that party?

Oh, even if I wasn't there,

I would have known about it.

It made headline news

at school.

And... And... And that day

something happened in my life...

...that I never thought

would happen.

I became envious of Pete

"The Gooch" Goochman.

Never thought

it would happen.

But I was like, "He got to

make out with Monica Moreland. "

Well, if you wanted to kiss me so

bad in the basement, why didn't you?

Well, 'cause the Gooch

beat me to it...

...and I was a little shy,

and, uh...

Well, you want to

kiss me now, don't you?

You look like Carly Simon!

If I could bang one woman in

the world it'd be Carly Simon...

...and you look like her!

Are you having fun?

I'm having so much fun.

Let's go find him.

Oh!

Oh, sh*t, oh, sh*t,

oh, sh*t, oh, sh*t.

Sorry. One sec.

Oh, sh*t.

Uh, I got a situation.

Come, come with me.

Okay.

Hey, have you

seen Schrader?

Excuse me.

Sh*t.

Monica?

What are you doing here?

Oh, you know, just picking up

my application for transfer.

You're telling me that

you're with this guy now?

Actually, Hoyt, um...

I'm telling you

it's none of your business.

It's none of my business? Yeah.

Oh, snap!

Hey, Hoyt, let me introduce

you to an old friend of mine.

The word "rejection. "

She can be a real b*tch.

But you don't have

to give her roofies.

So you're not gonna like her. Ooh.

You want me to give you

something funny to laugh about?

You mean something funnier

than your future alcohol abuse?

Battle Royale!

Uh, sh*t.

Let's go, guys.

All right, come on, guys.

Let's get out of here.

Wow, Monica, you really know

how to pick 'em, don't you?

Have fun with these idiots!

Bye-bye.

Bye.

Thank you for comin'.

Guys, let's get

the music back up! Come on!

Wet T-shirt party!

Mom? Dad?

Gwynn.

Hi, there.

What are you doing here?

I'm your escort.

Induction night,

big guy.

B.K.E., B.K.E., brotherhood,

brotherhood, you and me!

B.K.E., B.K.E. Brotherhood,

brotherhood, you and me!

Sherman Schrader, you rock!

Aw, no! You guys rock!

Get ready to be inducted into

the brotherhood, you winner!

Yes! I want it! I want

everything you guys have. Whoo!

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