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Ace Ventura: Pet Detective Page #10
- PG-13
- Year:
- 1994
- 86 min
- 1,331 Views
Ace jumps out of his car and starts skipping around the park with the
pigeon held high over his
head. He looks insane.
ACE (CONT'D)
(singing)
caught the white pigeon, I caught
the white�
Ace slows down and begins to look around warily. There are now an
unusual number of birds
perched on the telephone wires around the park and on the monkey bars,
and on the swings.
The sky grows darker. He slowly turns and tries to get back to the
car. All the birds take flight.
Ace sets the white pigeon free and starts to run, but it's too late.
The birds are on him. Pecking,
and gouging, and ripping his flesh.
Now we see ten birds flying away with a leg. Five birds flying away
with an arm. Twenty others
are trying to take Ace's left arm off, and half his face is missing�
ACE:
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
CUT TO:
EXT. PARK - DAY
Ace is back in his wrecked car with his arm hanging out the window. A
small boy is pulling it.
BOY:
Hey mister. Hey mister.
Ace come to suddenly, and looks at the boy with a crazed expression.
BOY (CONT'D)
That was a really neat crash,
mister. Do it again!
Ace sighs with relief.
EXT. MIAMI - DAY
Various headlines hit the news stands: "MARINO KIDNAPPED" "STAR QB
MISSING" "DAN
WHERE ARE YOU?"
THE GLOBE HEADLINE: "MARINO ABDUCTED BY ALIEN FRANCHISE!" On the
cover,
Marino stands with several Space Aliens in football gear.
EXT. POLICE STATION - LATER THAT DAY
A chaotic press conference. Zillions of REPORTERS shout all kinds of
questions at Einhorn.
REPORTER:
Lieutenant, have there been any
ransom demands?
EINHORN:
There's been no communication with
the kidnappers at this time.
REPORTER #2
Super Bowl? Will it be postponed?
EINHORN:
As of now, the game is going on as
scheduled.
REPORTER #3
Why wasn't the public told about
Snowflake's kidnapping?
EINHORN:
Secrecy was essential. We didn't
want any public interference.
REPORTER:
Are the crimes related? And what
about Roger Podacter's murder?
EINHORN:
I'm sorry. I can't comment any
further. Now if you'll excuse me.
Einhorn pushes her way through the crowd of reporters.
INT. POLICE STATION - MOMENTS LATER
Einhorn is barking out orders to other cops as she heads for her
office.
EINHORN:
Emilio, get me the autopsy on
Podacter! Aguado, send out a
memo. No one talks to the
press�
INT. EINHORN'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS ACTION
EINHORN:
�And somebody get me a cup of
coffee!
ACE:
(TV announcer's voice)
Tonight on "MIAMI VICE", Crockett
geets the boss coffee!
Ace is in her office, popping sunflower seeds, kicking back. Einhorn
walks to her private
bathroom.
EINHORN:
Ventura, when I get out of this
bathroom, you better be gone.
ACE:
Is it number one or number two?
Einhorn turns and glares at Ace.
ACE:
I just want to know how much time
I have.
Einhorn goes to the sink and begins washing her hands.
ACE:
Oh, by the way, I went ahead and
solved that pesky,
Snowflake/Podacter/Marino thing.
EINHORN (O.S.)
(humoring him)
Oh yeah?
ACE:
yeah, ever hear of a former
Dolphin kicker named Ray Finkle?
The water shuts off. Einhorn appears around the corner.
EINHORN:
Alright, Ventura. Make it quick.
ACE:
I found a rare stone at the bottom
of Snowflake's tank. It's from a
Dolphin '82 AFC Championship ring.
It would have been a Super Bowl
ring, but Ray Finkle missed the
big kick. Blames the whole thing
on Marino. We're talking
paranoid, delusional psychosis. I
saw the guy's room� Cozy, if
you're Hannibal Lector.
EINHORN:
So how does Roger Podacter fit in?
ACE:
My guess is Finkle was snooping
around. Podacter recognized him.
End of story. As for Snowflake�
they gave him Finkle's number, and
taught him how to kick a field
goal. Finkle took it personally.
Einhorn listens with great interest.
EINHORN:
So where is Finkle, now?
ACE:
He broke out of a metal hospital.
Did a Claude Raines. He's been
planning his revenge for years.
Waiting for the perfect time to
get back at the Dolphins. The time
when it would hurt them the most.
Super Bowl time! Man, I'm tired
of being right!
Einhorn walks in front and sits on the edge of the desk. She's totally
softened her demeanor.
EINHORN:
Congratulations. You've done some
fine detective work, Ace.
ACE:
Ahh, could you talk in my good
ear. I thought I heard you call
me Ace.
Einhorn gets real close.
EINHORN:
Maybe you are more than just a pet
dick.
SHE SUDDENLY PLANTS A MAJOR, TONSIL CLEANING, OPEN MOUTHED KISS ON
ACE. Objects are knocked off the desk as they lean back.
ACE:
Your gun's digging into my hip.
More kissing, the Ace stops.
EINHORN:
(still coming on)
What's wrong, Ace? Want me to
read you your rights?
ACE:
Maybe later.
EINHORN:
What is it? That bony little
b*tch, Melissa Robinson?
ACE:
(defensive)
No. You just don't do anything
for me.
He quickly adjusts his crotch, to conceal the erection. Einhorn
withdraws with a coy smile.
EINHORN:
I'll be here if you ever want a
real woman.
There's a sharp KNOCK at the door.
EINHORN:
What is it?
Aguado opens the door.
AGUADO:
Everything okay in here? Heard
some commotion.
EINHORN:
Fine, Sergeant.
AGUADO:
You want me to throw him out?
EINHORN:
Why don't you throw yourself out.
AGUADO:
�Yes, ma'am.
A crestfallen Aguado exits. Ace heads for the door.
EINHORN:
Ace, I want you to leave
everything to us.
ACE:
Can't do that, Lieutenant. I was
hired to find Snowflake.
EINHORN:
When we find Marino, We'll deliver
Snowflake.
ACE:
When I find Snowflake, I'll
deliver Marino.
He exits.
A full on thrash metal band is cranking on stage. Kids leap wildly
into the moshing pit. The same
Burnout is still thrashing his head wildly to the music.
ACE:
(shouting)
Nice to see you again!
The Burnout just keeps thrashing. Ace spots Woodstock watching the
band and joins him.
WOODSTOCK:
St. Francis, how's it goin'?
ACE:
(kidding)
That's none of your damn business.
WOODSTOCK:
Isn't it?
ACE:
Is it?
WOODSTOCK:
Anything new on that dolphin?
ACE:
Got his picture on some tuna cans,
but nothing so far.
A singer ROARS on stage. He sounds like a garbage disposal full of
cutlery.
SINGER:
Arroohhghhh! Myrrrooohghhhh!
Geroooghhh!
WOODSTOCK:
So, what can I do for you today?
ACE:
I need info on a football flunky
named Ray Finkle.
WOODSTOCK:
Sorry, Ace, I can't help you right
They are the sh*t!
ACE:
Are they?
WOODSTOCK:
Aren't they?
ACE:
Alright then. Don't worry about
it. I mean dolphins aren't
exactly an endangered species.
It's not like the whole food
chain's gonna be affected if one
highly intelligent mammal dies a
slow and painful death! Hell, if
the band is loud enough, you won't
even hear its pitiful whimpering!!
Ace does his best suffering dolphin impression. Woodstock is no longer
enjoying the band.
CUT TO:
INT. BASEMENT - NIGHT
Woodstock is at his computer. Ace looks over his shoulder. Finkle's
Social Security information
appears on the screen.
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"Ace Ventura: Pet Detective" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 30 Aug. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/ace_ventura:_pet_detective_920>.
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