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Ace Ventura: Pet Detective Page #11
- PG-13
- Year:
- 1994
- 86 min
- 1,331 Views
WOODSTOCK:
This guy's last reported income
was September, 1982.
ACE:
Well then. We know he's
incredibly thrifty.
WOODSTOCK:
Is he?
ACE:
Isn't he?
Woodstock types in more information. Finkle's TRW flashes on the
screen.
WOODSTOCK:
Well, I think we can be pretty
sure he's involved in the
kidnapping of the dolphin.
ACE:
Really? What makes you say that?
WOODSTOCK:
There's two-thousand dollars worth
After a beat Ace realizes it was a bad joke.
ACE:
Please yank me no further. I beg
of you.
WOODSTOCK:
Alright already. The last time
this guy used his credit card was
June, '84. He rented a car from
Avis. And� eww� he was a bad
boy. They found it abandoned two
ACE:
Anything else?
WOODSTOCK:
Nope.
ACE:
Well� you did all you could.
Thanks for nothin.
WOODSTOCK:
Hey man, according to this, your
friend Ray Finkle doesn't exist.
ACE:
Hmm, I know what that's like.
WOODSTOCK:
Do you?
ACE:
Don't I?
Ace emerges from the basement. The band is between songs. Ace strolls
by the burnout whose
head has now stopped.
ACE:
(to burnout)
Did you get all the spiders outta
there?
Ace heads out, then freezes. The two thugs that took Marino are
standing at the exit. Then they
see Ace and start towards him, reaching inside their coats.
Suddenly the music starts. The burnout's head wails again. His manic
gyrations interfere with the
thugs long enough for Ace to bolt.
One of the thugs pushes the burnout violently against the wall as they
pursue Ace.
BURNOUT:
(calling, as he gets up)
Thanks, man! You're a great
dancer!
Ace pushes his way through the crowd. The thugs follow.
Ace nears the stage. It's wild. People are diving off and getting
moshed.
Before the thugs grab him, Ace runs up and throws himself from the
stage. The insane crowd
begins to pass him around over their heads.
The thugs exchange a look, then dive after Ace, and a "mosh" chase
ensues.
Ace is passed back onto the stage as the song comes to an end. The
singer is lying there
exhausted. Ace sees the crowd starting to put the thugs down, so he
quickly grabs the microphone
off the floor.
ACE:
(screams)
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, SPANK ME
MOMMY!!!
The audience looks at Ace for a second. Then the band members exchange
a look and go for it!!
It's a nightmarish little ditty. Ace sings like one of Satan's
minions.
ACE:
URGHHUURRAAAW! ARGHUURRRREEEW!
The crowd seems to understand. They throw the thugs high in the air
again and mosh them away
from the stage. The Thugs are shooting stray bullets the whole time.
Ace incites the crowd, even more now, with a punching gesture. The
leader, punching with one hand, moshing with the other.
The thugs get the living crap "moshed" out of them.
When the song ends, Ace raises fists in the air. The cheering crowd
violently drops the thugs.
They're out cold.
Ace's car PEELS OUT and races by the parked '81 Ford Bronco.
EXT. MELISSA'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Ace's car skids to a halt. He hops out.
INT. MELISSA'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
There's a loud BANGING at the door. Melissa awakens, looks at the
clock:
3:32 a.m. She dragsherself to the door.
MELISSA:
Who is it?
ACE (O.S.)
Ira.
MELISSA:
Ira who?
ACE (O.S.)
I refuse to do a 'knock knock
joke'. Come on, open up!
Melissa opens the door.
MELISSA:
Ace, what are you doing? It's the
middle of the night!
ACE:
You have to commit me.
EXT. HIGHWAY - DAWN
Ace's clunker speeds down the highway.
ACE (V.O.)
Finkle escaped from Shady Acres in
Tampa. They still have some of
his stuff.
MELISSA (V.O.)
So you think they're going to let
us just waltz in and look around?
EXT. SHADY ACRES - ESTABLISHING - DAY
A state hospital located on acres of green, manicured lawns.
The reception area. A DOCTOR is before Melissa.
DOCTOR:
Mrs. Robinson? I'm Doctor Handly.
Now who is it that you'd like to
have us look at?
MELISSA:
My brother� Eugene.
ANGLE ON ACE - Looking like the football player who never wore a
helmet.
ACE:
I'm ready to go in, Coach. Just
give me a chance. I know there's a
lot riding on it, but it's all
psychological. Got to stay in a
positive frame of mind. Memorize
the play book. Study the films.
Ace strikes a dramatic pose and freezes, with a crazed look on his
face.
ACE (CON'T)
I'm gonna execute a button-hook
pattern!
He begins to make a play in slow motion.
ACE (CON'T)
Super slo-mo!
CUT TO:
EXT. SHADY ACRES HOSPITAL - DAY
Melissa walks with the Doctor. Patients are sitting around, doing
outdoor therapy, etc.
DOCTOR:
You're brother won't be the first
professional football player we've
treated.
MELISSA:
Is that right?
DOCTOR:
Yes. We're very sensitive to the
emotional stress athletes have to
endure.
Ace runs across the b.g. screaming "I'm open! I'm open!"
DOCTOR:
We'll have to do some preliminary
evaluations, but I think your
brother will fit in nicely here.
MELISSA:
That's a relief, Doctor.
Ace takes a "snap" from a three-foot hedge and dives over it into the
end zone. Melissa and the
doctor stop to watch him.
DOCTOR:
He seems to have some difficulty
letting go of the game. Has he
had a long history of mental
illness?
MELISSA:
(truthfully)
As long as I've known him.
Ace does a wild touchdown dance with some of the other patients
participating.
INT. SHADY GLADE ACRES - HALLWAY - DAY
The doctor is showing Melissa around. Ace is walking alongside them
adjusting his imaginary
shoulder pads.
DOCTOR:
This is our therapy room� Arts
and crafts�
They turn a corner. Ace squats to pick the dirt out of his cleats.
DOCTOR (CON'T)
That's the storage room. This
hallway leads to another
recreational area �
Ace WHISTLES loudly and gestures like a referee�
ACE:
HALFTIIIIME!!
Ace sticks his head in the water fountain then sits down on the bench
outside the storage room.
MELISSA:
He'll be fine by himself for the
next twenty minutes.
DOCTOR:
Well, why don't I show you the
dormitories, then?
They leave Ace.
After a beat, Ace gets up and does a quick spin pattern into the
storage room door.
INT. STORAGE ROOM - CONTINUOUS ACTION
Cartons everywhere. Ace does a quick search and locates several boxes
maked FINKLE.
Ace looks through the first couple of boxes and finds only clothes. In
the third box, he hits the
jackpot:
He finds sicko arts and crafts dedicated to Marino. Die-Danpotholders, shredded
Isotoner gloves. He opens a little diary. "Laces Out!" is insanely
scrawled on every page.
Ace finds a newspaper clipping, the headline reads:
"SEARCH CALLED OFF FOR MISSING HIKER"
ACE:
(reading)
A massive search ended today when
rescue workers were unable to find
the body of Lois Einhorn�
(stunned)
Friday�
(to himself)
Lois Einhorn� holy sh*t balls.
Ace sits bewildered.
The phone rings at Emilio's desk. He answers it.
EMILIO:
Echavez.
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"Ace Ventura: Pet Detective" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 30 Aug. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/ace_ventura:_pet_detective_920>.
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