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Ace Ventura: Pet Detective Page #12
- PG-13
- Year:
- 1994
- 86 min
- 1,331 Views
ACE:
This is Chicken Little. The sky
is falling.
EMILIO:
What?
BACK TO EMILIO:
A beat as he listens to Ace's news.
EMILIO:
I don't get it. What's it mean?
INTERCUT ACE/EMILIO
ACE:
It means she's involved in this.
The article's dated the day before
Finkle disappeared.
EMILIO:
Before who disappeared?
ACE:
Finkle. Ray Finkle� the guy who
took the dolphin? The guy you're
supposed to be looking for?!
Einhorn didn't tell you, did she?
EMILIO:
Hey, Ace. I see where you're
goin' with this and you're goin'
alone.
A Crazy Guy stands next to Ace now and begins mimicking everything he
says.
ACE:
Come on, E. I tell her about
Finkle, she doesn't tell a soul.
I have an article here that
connects her with Finkle. You
gotta' check her out.
(to Crazy Guy mimicking)
Do you mind?
The Crazy Guy stops and moves to one of the phones.
EMILIO:
Ace, I like my job. I get health
insurance and benefits.
CRAZY GUY:
(into receiver)
I'm the Lindberg Baby. Come and
get me.
ACE:
Emilio, Einhorn is involved.
You're gonna' have to make a
decision here.
(beat)
Listen, I gotta get off the phone.
I think I just solved the Lindberg
case.
Melissa and the Doctor return.
DOCTOR:
Well, look who's trying to use the
phone.
Ace covers the phone receiver and whispers to them in a heartfelt
voice.
ACE:
Brian Piccalo is dead.
Ace breaks down. Melissa hangs up the phone and leads him away.
We hear a thrash version of the theme to "Brian's Song" as they exit
the hospital.
Emilio stands at a window, watching Einhorn drive off. The coast is
clear so he sneaks into�
INT. EINHORN'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
He rifles through her file cabinet. He tears through papers. Then he
looks in her desk.
Stuffed in the back of the drawer he finds a personal note: We can
make out the signature.
"Roger". He pockets it and walks out.
EXT. MELISSA'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Ace and Melissa pull up in the old heap.
ACE:
Good job today. You're quite a
MELISSA:
(flattered)
Thanks. Are you sure you don't
want to stay here with me?
ACE:
Naw, I got some thinking to do.
Besides, you'd be safer with
Salman Rushdie
MELISSA:
Okay.
She gets out of the car, then turns and leans in the window.
MELISSA:
Listen� I know there isn't much
time left. The game is tomorrow.
But I know you've done your best.
It's just an impossible situation.
I don't expect..
ACE:
Hey�
Ace leans over and kisses her.
ACE (CONT'D)
�bet on the Dolphins.
INT. ACE'S APARTMENT - LATE NIGHT
CLOSE UP:
ANSWERING MACHINEWiggles' nose enters frame and hits the play button.
MESSAGE #1
(Shickadance rasp)
Venturaaaa? Your time is up!
You're out! You hear me?! No
rent� no roof!
We widen to find Ace on the couch listening.
MESSAGE #2
Ace, it's E. Got something you
might find interesting. It's a
note from Podacter to Einhorn,
thanking her for a wonderful
Saturday night. This is too
weird, man?
ACE:
Wiggles, rewind.
Wiggles obediently hits another button and rewinds the phone tape. Ace
pops sunflower seeds,
and holds some evidence aloft thinking. A bird eats seeds out of his
naval.
ACE:
What the hell does Lois Einhorn
have to do with Ray Finkle? Come
on, think!
DISSOLVE TO:
Later. Ace is posed like Rodin's "The Thinker".
ACE:
Finkle and Einhorn. In it
together. How? Why?
A small monkey sits in the same position. Mocking Ace.
DISSOLVE TO:
Later still. Ace pacing, jumping up and down. Trying to get his
intuitive juices flowing. The
monkey is likewise, jumping on the mantle.
ACE:
Alright! Here we go! Answer's
right there! Just gotta get some
blood to the brain! Finkle and
Einhorn! Finkle and Einhorn!
Finkle and Einhorn! Finkle and
Einhorn!
The animals all watch him like he's crazy.
DISSOLVE TO:
Daybreak. Ace sits staring at a picture of Finkle on the coffee table.
verge of tears.
ACE:
(whimpering)
Finkle and Einhorn. Einhorn and
Finkle.
He turns to see the monkey crashed out in a heap on a sofa pillow.
ACE:
(to sleeping monkey)
Quitter.
Wiggles jumps up onto the coffee table now. Ace can't be bothered with
him.
ACE:
What do you want? Huh?
Wiggles whines at the tone of Ace's voice.
ACE (CONT'D)
What? I got no food for you. You
gotta have money to buy food. I
gotta find the dolphin to get the
money. I don't see any dolphins
around here, do you? Face it,
it's hopeless� your master is a
LOSER.
Ace buries his face in his hands. His dog Wiggles does the same. Then
Ace looks up again.
ACE:
LOO� HOO�
Suddenly he is silenced by something amazing.
Wiggles' dark haired floppy ears are lying around Finkle's picture
like a wig. Ace combs the hair
over the head shot. The "make-over" is unmistakable. It's Einhorn!!
ACE:
Oh, my god! That's it!
He jumps up, estatic.
ACE:
Einhorn is Finkle! Finkle is
Einhorn!� Einhorn is a man!!!
Ace's expression quickly turns sour.
ACE:
OH MY GOD!!! EINHORN IS A MAN!!!
MUSIC UP:
AEROSMITH'S DUD LOOKS LIKE A LADY�Ace makes a mad dash into the bathroom.
INT. ACE'S BATHROOM - MORNING - QUICK CUTS
�Ace furiously brushes his teeth.
�Ace rinses with mouthwash, spits it out and gags.
�Ace is in the shower. He slowly curls up into a ball under the
steaming water with an expression
of horror on his face.
INT. EINHORN'S HOUSE - DAY
CLOSE UP:
A woman's leg being shaved.
Woman sexily putting on nylons.
Woman hands squeezing perfume bulb.
Woman's hand putting on AFC championship ring. One stone is missing.
EXT. EINHORN'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
Ace sticks wads of gum in his mouth while he watches Einhorn's house
from his car.
ACE:
(remembering)
You're gun is sticking into my hip.
Yeeeekkkk!
Einhorn comes out her front door and gets into her car. Ace shudders
once more and then follows
her.
The road is jammed in one direction. Going towards the Super Bowl.
Einhorn drives in the
opposite direction. Out of town. Ace tails her at a safe distance,
with his head out the window, of
course.
INT. BOBBY RIDDLE STADIUM - DAY
Various shots of crazy fans, piling into the stadium.
INT. STADIUM OWNER'S BOX - DAY
Melissa, BOBBY RIDDLE, and GUESTS all amidst the usual pre-game
hobnobbing. Most of the
talk centers on the loss of Marino.
Emilio, in full uniform, and a couple cops are providing extra
security for the box.
Einhorn drives south out of town. The area's getting remote. Ace
follows.
Einhorn turns down a deserted road and comes to�
EXT. INDUSTRIAL PLANT - DAY
A large, abandoned industrial facility. Einhorn parks, disappears
inside�
A few beats later, Ace kills the engine and exits singing the score to
"Mission Impossible".
INT. INDUSTRIAL PLANT - DAY
Immense machines and swimming pool sized cauldrons.
Ace cautiously makes his way through the desolate site, singing
quietly now. He stops when he
hears a familiar voice.
JOHN MADDEN (O.S.)
I particularly like the match-ups
of the defense.
Ace sees a weird sight: A HUGE TV PROJECTION SCREEN tuned to the Super
Bowl pre-game
show. Marino is tied to a football tackling sled. The two thugs take
turns running into Dan with
their shoulders, driving him back five feet each time.
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"Ace Ventura: Pet Detective" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 30 Aug. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/ace_ventura:_pet_detective_920>.
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