Ace Ventura Jr: Pet Detective Page #3

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Uh-oh.

Hey, look, Pong Ping,

I'm a family friend.

I knewy our uncle when he was here.

Chan Chin, or...

Uh, Bing Bang, or...

Hong Kong?

Wang Chung?

(growls sorrowfully)

You miss y our cub?

Yeah, I miss my mom, too.

But I found some really important clues

while I was here.

(Pong Ping whines)

I'm not the world's greatest, uh...

pet sleuth?

Finder? Investigator?

I don't know.

But...

but I'll try.

I promise.

Hey, kid!

Are y ou Arnold Plushinski?

Yeah, but call me A-Plus.

Aargh!

(boy) You're dead, Plushinski!

I mean it!

Move!

Uh-oh.

That can't be good.

(girls scream)

(computerized voice) Proximityy alert.

Proximityy alert. Prox...

Just give up the gummies, Plushinski,

and the horrorwill end!

Never!

Excuse me.

Move!

Argh! Aaargh!

Move it!

Get out of the way!

Where is he?

You can't hide the gummies forever, Plushinski!

Where'd he go?

(bell rings)

Hello?

A-Plus?

(A-Plus) Why are y ou talking to me?

- Who just said that?

- (A-Plus) No one ever talks to me, except bullies.

You're not gonna beat me up, are y ou?

No. I need y our help.

(A-Plus) Oh. In here.

What the...

(loudly) Awesome!

(whispers) Awesome.

Holy cellar-dweller, Batman!

This place is...

How did y ou build this?

This whole place was forgotten about

during a renovation, but I found a way in.

Made my lab.

I can't believe I have a friend

and I didn't even

have to grow him in a petri dish.

Oh, my God,

those are giant gummy worms.

Hey! Uh, st...

- That's a bully-tracking device.

- Huh?

They transmit to my GPS here.

A bully eats a harmless-Iooking candy

and it gets into his digestive tract.

I can track him

for up to 18 hours.

- 12 if he eats chili.

- Ugh!

So, how can I help y ou...

friend?

Um... I have some measurements

that I need analyz zed.

(Ace Jr.) These printss are 1.5mm deep,

as differentiated from these, which are 2.3mm

and these, which are 5mm.

Fascinating, Captain. These measurements

clearly indicate prints made by three different organisms,

weighing approximately 125Ibs,

and 390Ibs respectively.

So, any thing else?

Howlong would it take for y ou to hack into a website

We're in like Tolkien.

Here's a picture of the guy who runs the site.

His email address is

m.sickinger@penningtoncorp.net.

Pennington Corporation.

That's Pennington Jr.'s father's company.

- Oh, he's so cool.

- Isn't that the kid who rides to school in the limousine?

Yes. And he's extraordinarily popular.

Of all the tables in the cafeteria,

his is the furthest away from mine.

(snortss with laughter)

- Do y ou mind if I keep one of these?

- Of course.

OK. I'll just...

I'll just, um...

be on my way.

I'll be on my way.

I will talk to y ou later.

Really? And y ou won't even pretend

like I'm not there or give me a swirly?

- No, no.

- Awesome!

(whines)

- (Ace Jr.) Grandpa, I'm pretty sure he's dead.

- No!

He's just a good actor.

Dead dogs don't get dinner.

(whimpers)

Huh. All right.

Hard day at the office?

It's just that I found all these clues

to help Mom's case,

but to do that,

I had to break my promise to her.

So, y ou're working on a case?

- Yeah.

- You knowwhat they call those working on cases?

Yeah. Cops.

Face it, Grandpa. I'm just a kid who lied to his mom.

I don't knowwhat to do.

Well, y ou can start

by being who y ou are.

Who y ou were born to be.

Now, ly ing to y our mom is one thing,

butly ing to y ourself, Ace Jr...

Son, thatleads to

alife of disappointment.

That's not normal.

I will be normal.

Hah!

Hi, this is Pennington Jr.

With a very special message justforyou.

You're invited to my birthday partyy.

Lucky you.

(murmurs) Yes, I'm invited.

I'm invited.

- I'm invited!

- (all cheer)

Uh-uh-uh-uh. Press.

Perez Ventura.

I'm here to interview Pennington Jr.

- Not on the list.

- List? Whatlist? I don't care about no stinking list!

I'm with the Daily Rumor Mill.

School paper.

Familiarwith freedom of the press?

It's in something called the Constitution.

You should read it sometime.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Don't Taser me, bro. First-Amendmentviolation.

(clicks fingers) Let him through.

(man) Put him down, boy s.

(camera clicks)

That's admissible evidence. I haven't been humiliated like

this since they started making us shower after P.E. Ugh!

We're on a tight schedule.

You got three minutes.

(camera clicks)

Is that a forest up there?

Man, y ou gotta clip those nose hairs.

You could make

a teddy bear out of that.

Wow.

- You cleaned up Big Foot here real nice.

- We pride ourselves on good relations with the press.

But the invitations have been recorded.

There's really nothing I can do.

- (man) Waiter, lunch.

- Please, take this pass.

Itwill gety ou into the gy mnasium on the day of the party,

where we'll be webcasting the whole thing.

- It'll make headlines.

- Oh, that's terrific, sport. Here's a fewfor y ou.

"Billionaire Boy

In Liposuction Incident."

Or, "I Had Pennington Jr.'s Alien Love Baby."

I'm greatwith Photoshop.

You're threatening to blackmail me

unless I give y ou information.

I'm a paparazzi.

It's what I do.

But I will get off y our back

if y ou tell me about this guy.

Dr. Michael Sickinger. A brilliant scientist

who worked for our animal-genetics laboratory.

- It's one of the finest.

- Indubitably.

Unfortunately, he's quite insane.

- Incontinently.

- He harbors a bizarre hatred for pandas.

Incomprehensibly.

Does he still work for y ourfather?

Oh, no.

We fired him just a fewweeks ago.

I believe he's now the chief of non-telegenic

species research at the Dinosaur Fossils Foundation.

- What?

- I don't knowwhat it means either. Ask him y ourself.

Oh, I will.

By e-by e, then.

Every shot I take, a Picasso.

No touching the camera!

- Where is my rabbit, loser?

- Nice to see y ou too, Tara.

You were supposed

to find Breezy a week ago.

- You owe us for the extra therapy session.

- I can't comment on an ongoing investigation.

Argh! Holy magenta!

You guy s looklike a box of cray ons.

Uh-oh!

Why do y ou

alway s travel in a flock?

Ladies, is this really necessary? Can'twe talk this over

like civilized adults? You can IM me and I'll texty ou back.

You said I had 72 hours!

- You've had eight day s.

- Two kinds of people, people.

- People that pee in the pool and people who lie about it.

- Find Mr. Chompers or go swimming again tomorrow.

(bell rings)

(girls laugh)

(imitates girls'laughter)

- What?

- Get to class, Ventura.

I gotta break into Dr. Sickinger's office

so y ou can upload his hard drive.

(A-Plus) Oh,

I can only do that in my lab.

Would y ou get out of there?

Come on, the coast is clear.

- Sounds like a three-man job. Hey, why are y ou all we...

- (shoutss angry gibberish)

...with the wet, OK?

About the three-man job.

I know someone.

But it's gonna take all my power of persuasion

to convince this beautiful animal-Iover

to commit alevel-five felony.

Please help me break into

the Dinosaur Fossil Foundation

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