Achmed Saves America Page #7

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Crowd:
Aw!

"Okay, that was big too."

Cassidy:
I guess there's nobody for me to hug.

Claude:
Is this your stupid little

annoying dog?

Cassidy:
Billy!

Claude:
Billy? I do not know who you're talking to. My name is Claude.

Cassidy:
No, silly, the dog's name is Bill.

Claude:
You Americans give your dogs

people names? You are as dimwitted as you are boring.

Cassidy:
I think I just got shot with an arrow.

"Uh, you can all go home. Sorry about that."

Ginny:
That's okay. And Achmed is free to go too, right?

"Uh..."

Achmed:
No, I am a criminal after all. I do not think there is a Shania Twain song to help me escape paying my debt

to society.

"No One Needs to Know is appropriate."

Kevin:
Look.

Wayne:
How do you like that? It's the President!

"Of the United States?"

Wayne:
Yes, the United States Motor Company!

"Uh, Mr. Ach-med, I've just spoken to the Attorney General, and based on my offer to personally vouch for

your renunciation of terrorism and the fact that you never accomplished anything destructive..."

Hassan:
It's true. He blows.

"Our government is prepared to grant you a full, complete, and unconditional pardon. On one condition. That you share with me the plans for that amazing car

that you just drove here today.

Achmed:
My car?

"Yes, you've done the seemingly impossible. You've created an American-made automobile in America that Americans actually want to buy.

Hassan:
It is a bad-ass ride.

Achmed:
It's a deal. On one condition. it's a good condition.

Achmed:
The condition is you give credit

to the man who actually designed this car, Wayne Wilson.

Wayne:
I thought that looked familiar.

Achmed:
It should. Hassan and I built it based on your drawing. The flaming skull was me.

Chet:
Hey, everyone, Carl and I are opening a bed-and-breakfast. Sorry, Ev.

Evelyn:
Well, I wondered when you were gonna finally figure yourself out. Go be happy. Just leave me and Stan the beach house in Roanoke.

Chet:
Stan?

Mayor:
Good-bye! I was a terrible mayor.

Hassan:
This is the country

you want to live in?

Achmed:
There is not a better one.

Hassan:
Then maybe you can be a reference for my job application?

Achmed:
Former terrorist log, love date 8/3/13. I am now a citizen of Americaville. It's a good life. Wayne and Ginny have found their true calling. The kids are having fun. I've found a job where I can use my skills and make people happy. And once a week, we all get together for a bountiful feast. Yes, all in all, it's been one incredible year, and the next one will be even better.

Achmed:
Good night, Wayne.

Wayne:
Good night, Achmed.

Achmed:
Good night, Ginny.

Ginny:
Good night, Achmed.

Achmed:
Good night, Cassidy. Good night, Kevin. Good night, little Jeff.

Cassidy:
Good night.

Kevin:
Good night!

Achmed:
Good night, dog with the dynamite in his mouth. Uh-oh. Good boy.

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