Admission Page #6

Yeah.

Which one is yours?

Yeah.

With a megaphone.

Yeah. Right? Exactly.

Okay, okay, I heard you. I heard you.

Let me. It takes a village.

Get your hands off my baby!

- No, I was just helping.

- What are you doing?

Everybody needs a little help.

Get out.

I'm helping you.

Come on. Come on.

Right now.

I'm not... I'm not a creep.

When I was eight years old,

I realized my teachers

were not going to be able to teach me.

So I became an autodidact.

I read everything.

I read biographies,

mainly because I didn't know

how other people lived their lives.

I learned several years ago that I was adopted,

that I was supposed to be the son

that my parents tried so hard

to have on their own.

I think my voracious reading

came from a deep longing

for something that was missing.

I was searching for someone.

For my story.

To not feel so alone.

Portia?

I knew you were taking this all rather hard,

but I thought by now

you'd be back on your feet.

What?

It kills me.

It really kills me. You'll get through this.

You think...

I know it seems impossible, but you will.

No, this has nothing to do with you.

It's okay. It's okay. I understand.

No, really.

Oh, Christ! I have to go. Hang on in there!

Well, that's so funny.

Il Forno is one of my favorite restaurants, too.

- That's amazing.

- I know.

Hey.

Portia, sweetie, you feeling all right?

- Just terrific. Thanks.

- Oh, good.

Then I think there was an evaluation card

that was placed on the wrong file.

A Jeremiah Balakian.

Balakian.

Balakian.

- Balakian.

- Balakian.

I think.

You didn't mean

to put "High Consider," did you?

Um, let me see.

No, that's right.

But he has D's and F's and suspensions.

But did you notice that

he also got fives on all eight AP exams

without ever taking any AP courses?

Yes. I'm going to investigate that.

That's impossible.

No, apparently not, if the child in question

is a unique, special child.

This isn't a child. It's an applicant.

He's got no extracurriculars at all.

The counselor at his old high school

said he was shocked

Jeremiah was even applying to college.

He's an autodidact.

He's an advanced reader

from the age of eight.

Leonardo da Vinci was an autodidact.

So was Benjamin Franklin.

Oh, did this Balakian kid

discover electricity or paint the Mona Lisa?

I must have missed that in his file.

He's a great kid.

Portia, dear,

take a deep breath.

Teamwork, remember?

Of course.

- I'm sorry.

- No, I'm sorry.

I forgot you're in a very fragile state.

Maybe you'd like to step outside

and see how fragile I am.

Only kidding! Only kidding.

Just a little levity to enhance the teamwork.

Thank you for your thoughts, Corinne.

He's never getting in. Never.

Calm down.

There's something great I want to show you.

It turns out Jeremiah was

a state champion in...

In what?

You know what?

It's better if you see it for yourself.

He's gonna be doing it

at Nelson's birthday party.

Shows originality,

intellectual passion.

Everything the books talk about.

Oh, state champion! Thank God.

Excellent.

So, I'll send you

the address to Nelson's birthday party.

It's at my parents' house.

- I'll be there.

- Good.

- Is she coming to my party?

- Mmm-hmm.

Why do you like her so much?

I don't know. She's weird.

She is indeed.

Doesn't matter anyway. Right?

Sure it matters.

But about this Spanish test.

This is your third "try harder" in a row.

Seora Garcia says you have

an aptitude for languages.

What if I don't?

What if I don't have

an aptitude for languages?

What if I'm not a genius like Jeremiah?

I don't want you to be a genius,

I'm not a genius,

but I want you to be able

to get by in the world.

- Whatever.

- En espaol.

Whatever! I have class.

Even Beckett emerged from Gogol's Overcoat.

Not to mention Pinter...

- Professor Polokov.

- Yes.

- Portia Nathan.

- Yes, the sad lady.

The sad lady?

That's not really how I think of myself.

How is your mother?

She's fine.

So, I wonder, would you consider

conducting some supplementary

admissions interviews?

A scholar of your stature would carry

a huge amount of weight with the committee.

In fact, there is one

extremely unusual applicant

who's shown a strong interest

in literature and philosophy.

Why would I want to speak

with a high school student?

Of course, perhaps

we could make some sort of arrangement.

I can't believe

you're pimping me.

I'm not pimping you.

He's a fan of your writing.

And I need him to meet this applicant.

Besides, when's the last time

you went to a party?

With racist jockey statues? Never.

Yeah, those are pretty weird.

Hey, Portia! Thanks for coming to my party!

Hi, Nelson, happy birthday!

Hey! I'm glad you could make it.

So, this is your parents' place?

Hmm. Yeah. Well, my mom's now.

My dad passed away a few months ago.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

- No.

It's nice to see you again.

You're not packing heat

by any chance, are you?

Should I be?

No, we're all friendlies.

So, what is this?

That is a fossil from the Jurassic era.

It's been in the same place

for 150 million years.

Oh, cool!

Welcome, welcome, welcome.

Mom, I would like you to meet...

I'm Johnny's mother, Mrs. Pressman.

Are you Johnny's girlfriend?

Ah, no. No, we are friends.

Just friendly acquaintances. Portia Nathan.

Of course. What am I thinking?

He can't love anything

that's less than a 10-hour flight from JFK.

Maybe we don't have to go. Right, Grandma?

Nelson.

You're absolutely right, Nelson.

There's nothing wrong

with staying in the same place for a while.

Ask Portia.

She's been in the same job for 16 years!

Yeah. And it's a travesty, Nelson.

Portia was president of her high school class.

- Mom.

- And she resigned in protest over

funding for the girls' sports program.

She led a school-wide walkout.

And the relevance of all this is?

When you were nine months old,

you could walk.

She actually walked.

I don't mean just stumble walking

like an infant or a toddler.

She walked with absolute certainty.

One day I saw her tumble

over her shoelaces, John,

she did not cry, she didn't fall down,

she sat down, carefully,

tied her shoelaces in a double knot...

got up and kept going.

At nine months old.

There are a lot of holes in that story.

You were fearless. You were born an Amazon.

That's amazing. I love it!

And what makes you think

she needs your approval?

Okay, that's enough crazytown.

When Johnny got admitted to Harvard Law...

Oh, God.

He decided to go

and live in Outer Mongolia instead.

- Outer Mongolia?

- You know what, Portia,

I'm with you, enough crazytown.

Have another vat of gin there, Mom.

Ms. Nathan, Vladimir Polokov.

You are just as beautiful today

as you were 30 years ago.

I just had a mastectomy.

I was just translated into Finnish.

Brilliant.

May I get you some iced tea?

Or something stronger, perhaps?

Why not. I'll stroll with you.

I'd love to. It would be a pleasure.

It was a pleasure.

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