Adventureland Page #4

Wait, so you're telling me

you're a virgin?

-There were circumstances...

-Oh, my God!

-Oh, my God.

-No, I went...

Okay, all right, for example, junior year,

I was dating this girl, Betsy Cooke.

Betsy was kind of, like...

She was kind of a prude, actually.

Anyway, one day,

I was reading Shakespeare,

and I realized I don't really love

this person. You know?

It was one of the sonnets.

"Being your slave, what should I do

"but tend upon the hours

and times of your desires?"

And I realized I don't want to tend

to Betsy's hours or her times.

All right, that doesn't matter.

Anyway, I drove to Betsy's house,

and I was literally about to tell her,

and that's the night

she said she wanted to have sex.

Can you believe it? It was the same...

You know, it was the same night, so...

And you didn't just f*** her anyway?

No.

So what about you and intercourse?

-Can you stop saying "intercourse"?

-Sure, sure.

I don't know.

There were guys in high school,

and then, like, there were other ones.

-Were you in love with any of them?

-No. Hell no.

Got you.

Oh, hey, it's Connell. Hey, Connell!

-Jimbo.

-Hey, you know this place?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Everybody knows this is my joint.

These guys work at the park.

This is Ronnie.

Nice to meet you.

-Hi.

-Hey.

We're gonna go meet some friends

in the back.

Cool.

Do it! My nephew!

Is that Connell's wife?

She's, like, really pretty.

Yeah, she is.

She works

at that lame disco, Razzmatazz.

-It's kind of sad.

-Oh, yeah? I've never been there.

No, I mean their marriage is sad.

He didn't want it. Now he's trapped.

Are you sure you want to go?

The band is really awful.

-Yeah, I just needed some air.

-Okay.

Sometimes I feel so happy

Sometimes I feel so sad

Sometimes I feel so happy

But mostly you just make me mad

Baby, you just make me mad

Linger on

Your pale blue eyes

Linger on

-Hey, can we go somewhere?

-Yeah.

Thought of you as my mountain top

Thought of you as my peak

Thought of you as everything

I've had but couldn't keep

Hey.

Linger on

Your pale blue eyes

-You made out with her?

-Yeah. Yeah, I just kissed her.

I don't know what came over me.

It was incredible.

Cool, man. How was that?

Fantastic. Joel, she's like...

She's, like, perfect, you know?

-Good for you, man.

-Yeah.

I got to open my booth.

Hey, do you have an ice-pick

I can jam into my ears?

I can't listen to this song again.

I don't, but I have this.

-Be cool with that.

-Okay. Thanks.

-Were you on a date last night?

-I wouldn't call it a date.

Not into Em?

No, she's great. She's great. I just...

I don't know

if I'm ready for a girlfriend yet.

I'm kind of getting over a broken heart.

-I hope you didn't tell her that.

-Why?

You told her that, didn't you?

James, no girl wants to hear about

some other chick you're hard up for.

-Right. They don't?

-They don't.

Look, I'm not saying

never be vulnerable with a girl.

I'm just saying don't play that card first.

Wait, it's a card? Like a card?

There's a science to it.

You're probably pretty good at science.

-That works now.

-Yeah. Okay.

Okay, observe. 2 options.

I can play it safe,

pick them off from back here,

or I can rush into the breach,

guns a-blazing.

Make a run right at the cortex,

and bombs away.

Fortune favors the bold. Virgil said that.

I'm sure Virgil had Bionic Mutant

in mind. I'm gonna go punch out.

-All right, bye.

-Your turn, man.

Okay, but I'm probably not gonna

be very good at this.

Hey.

I really want to see you tonight.

-Tonight?

-Yeah.

Unless you got something else

going on.

You're doing really good.

I jump when he jumps

just instinctively.

Where? Where do you wanna go?

Not the backseat of your car.

We can go to my mom's.

-Hey, James?

-Yeah?

Whoa, bonus round. Kudos.

I heard you might have some weed.

Yeah, I have a stash.

Why, you like the ganja?

Sometimes.

Beer?

-Got anything stronger?

-Yeah.

So what excuse

do you give your mother

for coming down here so late?

Gotta pump some midnight iron?

Sometimes I come here to practice.

Give Ronnie a break.

You still hot for your wife?

What's the sex like?

Why? Why would you...

Why would you say that?

-Don't be mean.

-Jeez, you're sensitive.

No, I'm serious. When we're together,

we're good to each other.

Let's not ruin it.

Okay.

So, how's your dad?

Since he can't work,

he's been so f***ed up.

Yeah. Stays in bed a lot.

Won't see anyone.

-Men are prideful creatures.

-Exactly.

Do you believe in God?

Wow, theology doesn't come up

a lot around here.

Yeah, but you see someone you love

in pain,

you sort of think

about that kind of stuff.

I believe in love.

I mean,

I think that love is very transferable,

I mean, transformable.

I think that love

makes things transform together.

I'm majorly high.

Oh, sh*t. Oh, sh*t. Yeah, me, too.

I'm having dinner with my parents.

Somebody's hungry.

James, I read

that Pitt has some journalism courses.

-Is that so?

-Oh, yeah?

Yeah, I was just thinking that,

you know, it might make

fiscal sense for you

to stay close to home for a while.

And they have these broadcasting

internships on Mister Rogers'.

I get to intern on a kids' show

with marionettes.

Mom, I thought you wanted me to go

to an Ivy League school,

like the one I've been accepted to.

I am... I am just trying to be pragmatic.

They're hand puppets,

not marionettes, on Mister Rogers'.

You know, like,

"Royal greetings, I am King Friday."

That's a terrible impression.

James, what is wrong with you?

We, the people, in order to have

a more perfect union, say, "Let's party!"

Hey! Jugglers, fireworks!

Mr. Fabulous' Incredible

Performing Canines tonight!

Hey, kid. In the clown mouth.

Come on.

-Be a pal. Thanks, buddy.

-Eat it!

Son of a b*tch!

Get him! Get him!

-Come here.

-Be careful.

All right! Hey!

Oh, my God!

I don't even celebrate July 4th,

you know? I celebrate Bastille Day.

That's why Bastille Day

is gonna be a blast for me.

There is freedom within

There is freedom without

Try to catch the deluge in a paper cup

There's a battle ahead

Many battles are lost

But you'll never see the end of the road

While you're traveling with me

Hey now, hey now

Don't dream it's over

Hey now, hey now

When the world comes in

They come, they come

To build a wall between us

We know they won't win

-Park's closed, Em.

-Yeah.

-Rich, you scared the hell out of us.

-Rich, it's me, James.

-Park's closed, James.

-Okay, we'll leave soon, okay?

Better leave now. The park's closed.

-All right, we better leave now.

-Okay. Here we go.

Okay. Thanks, Rich.

Don't dream it's over

Hey now, hey now

When the world comes in

They come, they come

I think you're so beautiful.

Oh, f***.

-Hey, kids!

-Hey, hey. Hey, what's going on?

-It's my friend James, Dad.

-Hi. Nice to meet you, sir.

-Nice to meet you, James.

-You, too.

-Hi, James. Nice to meet you.

-Nice to meet you.

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