Adventureland Page #5

Well, I'm gonna go do some work

before bed.

-Good night.

-Good night.

-Good night.

-Good night, party pooper.

So, it was a lovely party

at the Melnicks'.

And, you know,

their daughter Lori is lovely.

Now, she said you two

used to be best friends.

She used to sleep over in,

like, junior high.

Did you know that she is at law school

at Northwestern?

Lori Melnick,

she once violated our cat Gypsy

with a ballpoint pen.

All right, Emily!

That's enough, young lady.

See you later.

Sy.

I can't believe

my dad wants to be with that.

Do you want to hear

something f***ed up?

What?

When my mom first started getting,

like, really sick,

my dad starts going to temple.

He's never been serious about his faith.

But he decided to buddy up to God,

like he thought

it was going to help save my mom.

And that's where he met Francy.

My mom loses her hair in chemo,

and my dad starts f***ing

a bald woman.

It's just weird.

I'll take you home.

We started dancing

and love put us into a groove

As soon as we started to move

The music played while our bodies

displayed for the dance

It's nice when Paulette's got the day off.

Put that disco station on.

Hey, you know,

I'm a one-man woman, so...

-Hey, Bobby. I'm on break.

-All right, let's see how you did.

Hey, babe. How's it... Hello?

Yeah, he's right here.

It's your mother.

Sorry.

Hi, Ma. No, Ma, that's the pilot light.

It's supposed to be on.

No, the place is not going to blow. Ma?

I'll be right there.

I gotta go.

-Jimbo, can I ask you something?

-Yeah.

You got one of those

little baby joints on you?

-I do.

-Let's go.

-Is your mom okay?

-Yeah, she's a little dramatic, my mom.

Kind of nutty since my dad skipped out.

Where'd he go?

I don't know. He left a long time ago.

-This is cool.

-Yeah, Lou Reed.

-Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

-Satellite Of Love.

Of course. Right on.

You gotta tell me your Lou Reed story.

He's like a real hero to me.

-Hey, man, how's it going with Em?

-I don't know. It's going...

She's...

I think I'm in love with her.

Soon it will be filled

With parking cars

I watch it for a little while

I love to watch things on TV

This will just take a second,

Jimbo. Don't finish that joint.

Satellite of love

Satellite of love

Satellite of love

Hey.

I was hanging out

with your boyfriend earlier.

-He's in love with you.

-What?

He said, I quote,

"I think I'm in love with her."

Right.

Hey, are you going

to Razzmatazz tonight?

It's 2-for-Tuesday.

You get 2 for the price of one.

I want action tonight

Satisfaction all night

I grab my hat and I grab my shoes

Tonight I'm gonna

hit the streets and cruise

You have to do something!

You're not doing anything!

I can't take it anymore!

Maybe she needs to see

Dr. Schacter again.

You have to do something, okay?

Something has to change.

You know she works at that park,

that trashy park, just to embarrass us!

You're coming through

Seems just like a dream

It's a mystery to me

Fills me within

When we're together

Oh, baby, can't you see

I like to feel the passion

To the point of no return

What are you majoring in?

Russian Literature

and Slavic Languages.

-Oh, wow, that's really interesting.

-Yeah.

What career track is that?

Cabbie, hot-dog vendor,

marijuana delivery guy.

The world is my oyster.

You kids need another round?

-Thanks, Ronnie, we're fine.

-Actually, we'll take 2 more.

I'll have 2. Joel, you can have 1.

-What the hell? Are you gonna stop?

-2-for-Tuesday.

Em, I love this song!

Come on, let's dance! Let's dance.

Come on. Come on.

-Come on.

-Okay.

You are an obsession

Here, ready? Stay with me.

Unopened at your feet

There's no balance

-You like that?

-Yes.

Marcy Feingold, ninth grade,

taught me that one.

-Good one!

-Thanks a lot.

-Nice moves, Brennan.

-Thanks.

-Razzmatazz!

-Come on, Razzmatazz, we're hungry.

-But we love you more!

-It knows.

More.

Oh, my God. You okay?

-Razzmatazz.

-Come on.

All right.

-There you go.

-You're so strong-ish.

I'll take that.

I'm so surprised

I'm making out with you.

Me, too.

Em, I think you're incredible.

Hey, there's a lot of sh*t in my life.

I'm not ready for this.

I need to take things slow.

Okay, all right.

I'm sorry.

Hey. Let me help you with that.

I got it.

That is ugly.

Thanks.

-Hey, so how's your dad?

-He's hanging in there.

-Yeah? Still... Still not working?

-No, no.

The Musik-Express!

-These rides are safe, right?

-Supposedly.

I wouldn't mess around on any of them.

Last summer, there was this drunk idiot

goofing around on the Comet Booster,

trying to kick his buddy.

They found his Reebok

in the parking lot, with his foot in it.

-Yo, Lisa. We're partners today.

-Great.

So it's official.

My friend Boomer

hooked me up with a job

at the Mercedes dealership

on Route 30.

Yeah, I'm getting a car right away.

Payments deducted from my check.

Yeah, I'm gonna go for a 560,

convertible, in gold, leather interior.

I'm even gonna get

a compact disc player.

-It's gonna be insane.

-To the max.

So, hey, Lis, you wanna

go see Judas Priest at Civic Arena?

-My friend Fitzy got me floor seats, so...

-That's okay. Take Boomer.

And go get the hose.

There's dried puke down there.

You don't like Priest?

-I'm busy that night.

-I didn't tell you what night.

James, you and I should go out

some night.

I get it, that's a funny one.

Face! Douche.

-Just let me know when.

-Yeah?

Pete, dried puke.

I'm serious. I wouldn't mind going out

with a nice guy for a change.

Cool. Yeah. That would be very cool.

Oh, come on, man!

-Want to push a button?

-No, I'm on games only.

Okay, yeah, which one? Okay.

-Oh, my gosh!

-Sh*t! Sh*t! Sh*t!

Wow! You f***ed this up perfectly!

-I know. I work on games, so...

-I'm impressed.

I know.

I shouldn't have even been here.

-Sh*t.

-Hey.

Connell, I need to ask you something.

Hand me the crescent wrench,

would you?

Yeah.

So, Lisa P. just asked me if I wanted

to go out with her sometime.

-Lisa P.?

-Yeah. It's insane.

I think she might've just been trying

to piss off Pete O'Malley but...

Can you imagine any universe where

she would get with a guy like me?

She asked you out?

You're a f***ing idiot if you don't go.

It's Lisa P.

-Hold this, would you?

-Yeah.

That girl's a virgin.

Can you believe that?

Oh. In this day and age. You'd think...

Well, she's a Catholic girl.

They usually won't let you screw them.

-But what they will let you do...

-Yeah, but what about Em?

Are you getting all your needs

met by her?

We're taking it slow.

Right. Right. Okay, here's the thing.

Every time you meet a beautiful woman,

don't you imagine what she'd look like

underneath you, naked?

-What? No. No.

-Someone like Lisa P.

I mean, Jesus Christ, it's like

every cell in your body's on fire, right?

That's a little hyperbolic, but, yeah,

I know, I see where you're going.

That's the way we're wired.

It's the way we're wired.

It sucks, but it's just a fact of nature.

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